Ok, this guy has been head over heals for me for the last seven years. I have never actually felt that i loved him back, but i think that peer pressure prevented me from doing so. Now that we are in college ive realized how much of a ***** i am and i feel that he deserves better than me. I tried every way i could think of to make him see me as just a friend and even though he said he would prefer that over nothing, it was very obvious that he was still in love with me. So i did the only thing i could think of and quit talking to him, period. He wrote me many emails and letters desperatly trying to find out what he did wrong, but i ignored them all. A week ago he facebooked me saying he was done with me and could not imagine how the girl he fell in love with could turn out to be such a cold hearted *****. Well, i got what i wanted but now i feel so horrible. I want him to be happy, and find a girl who will give him the love he deserves, but its killing me. Am i in the right?
2007-02-26 07:52:43 · 7 answers · asked by Lizzy S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I can't say this was the best way to handle it, but you handled it the only way you knew how. The truth is, I have some idea of how you feel. My exboyfriend, currently my husband, came back into my life right after I left my husband. Long story short, we dated many times and he never got over me and still hadn't. Even at this time in my life, he wanted me to start a relationship up with him. I wasn't ready for that and eventually, I had to push him away so I could avoid hurting him more in the future. About a year later, and still feeling guilty, I sat down and wrote him a letter explaining my feelings during that time. He called me and we agreed to be friends.
Maybe that's what you need to try. Just sit down and write him a letter explaining how you feel. Tell him, you didn't want to do what you did, but you didn't see any other way to get him to move on. Tell him what you told us - that he deserves someone who will return his feelings and that wasn't you. Then, tell him, you'd really like to be JUST friends, but if he doesn't want to you understand and wish him all the best.
2007-02-26 08:02:19 · answer #1 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think that you should feel guilty about not feeling the same way. Just because he loved you does not in any way mean you HAVE to love him back. It seems like you tried all you could to make him understand that you did not feel that way about him, and if he really cares about you, then he should be able to respect that and move on.
In a way, it looks like you were stuck. You did not want to lead him on, but yet you would not have minded being friends, which he could not handle. I really think that you did what you had to do and you should not feel guilty about that. He has to grow up a little and understand that the world does not work that way ( meaning you cant always get what you want).
good luck
2007-02-26 15:59:17 · answer #2 · answered by jam_psb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
personally, I'll opt for the golden rule. reverse roles for a moment. would you have been happy with what you did to him if he did the same to you? Personally, I wouldn't (and i speak from experience with that!).
If that's the case, then what i would do is that I'd just cut and paste what you wrote him here as a PM on facebook. Obviously he's still got feelings for you, and if he's had 'em for seven years, a few weeks isn't going to overwrite that. if you went to him and told him exactly how you felt, why you did what you did, and ask for a second chance, it would be difficult to convince me that he wouldn't forgive and forget.
Joey
2007-02-26 16:01:23 · answer #3 · answered by Voyager529 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had the right idea, but you went about it the wrong way. You should have just been completely honest with him and told him you'd never have feelings like that for him and that he needed to move on. Being ignored is the worst feeling ...
2007-02-26 16:00:51 · answer #4 · answered by bitchlips411 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you just tell him the truth? Why didn't just be honest with him rather than act like you didn't care? It would have been better if you had just been honest with him rather than be that way with. He may have gotten his heart broken but at least he probably understand that you were honest with him. You should at least give him a reason if you truly are his friend.
2007-02-26 15:57:21 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, leading a guy on is wrong. Why not be his friend though?
2007-02-26 15:56:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did what you felt was best. It is too late for anything else.
2007-02-26 15:56:51 · answer #7 · answered by fly guy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋