ONLINE LOVE.......need Help SERIOUS Replies?

Question

I have been speaking with this person, who I met virtually online for about 6 mos. We have not met in person, but – had a relationship over the phone and webcam for months. We spoke about anything and everything. We would speak for hours at a time and everyday. We both are adults with children from past marriages, and we would share about the lives of our children. We had many plans on meeting, but, situations would arise. Things have not been good at all for the past weeks – its gonna be about 2 wks that we stopped speaking with each other. I don’t understand what led us to this point of not speaking with one another any longer. There was a time that I couldn’t speak with him for a couple of days, and it felt as the world ended to him. And since the incidence, he has backed off from me, and says “we both know, something is missing”. I feel as if I have hurt his feelings. I have sort of backed off and gave him room to himself, but, before then – I would call him and he would call back ASAP and now – I only get his voicemail 95% of the time. But, if I text him – responds back automatically. He just gives smart remarks such as, I found time for him, or he is surprised that I wait for his call. I know when a person wants to gradually forget a person, they would stop responding back to the person in everyway, but, I do get some sort of response from him. What should I do?? Backoff for a bit, or just totally move on. I feel hurt, and he is being mean to me. I know, everyone is gonna be saying “YOU HAVE NOT MET”, why you have these feelings developed??, why are you so depressed?? Why are you hurt??, but, I cant get him out of my mind, Is it easy for a man or women, who have been speaking with one another for 6 mos – to forget eachother in a split second??...why am I soo pressed over this.

Answer 1

well i have began something like this. and i pray it doesnt come to what ur sayin here. one of the things it maybe is that he wanted something more real. he wanted to be with u and couldnt figure out how to pull it off. who knows whats kept u to from finally havein that first meet. why dont u try this. tell him u cant stand not having him in your life. but what u to have is not enough. u propose that one comes to the other ASAP. that we have been dancing around this for long enough. that u want the real thing and u want it now. if he doesnt come runnin or he wont let u come see him something has happened on his end hes not tellin u. thats the only thing i can think of. as for my situation only time will tell. i know i cant stand it when im on and shes not. everytime my phone rings i pray its her. i cant picture my life with out her in it. and i thought i would never feel like this again. funny part is its stronger than any i have ever felt. i just hope im not here asking the same question. here in a few months.

Answer 2

It'd be helpful if you knew what went wrong & why you two are not speaking. With the smart comments he's made to you via the phone, there is something definitely bothering him. Perhaps he has met someone else, isn't man enough to tell you, so he finds it easier to make you think you've done something wrong. A few years ago, I had an online love interest do that to me & after we met, he got into these moods, accused me of having other boyfriends, etc. I got upset because I was faithful to him, & when I got upset about being wrongly accused, he said I must have a guilty conscience. Long story short, HE was the one with another love interest. Trust your gut feelings. You know something is not right. Stop calling him, because he wants you to. The first few times, he does call, & you know it's him, thanks to Caller ID, don't answer the phone. When he calls again, & he asks where you were, tell him you were out. Don't be all apologetic & blame yourself for what went wrong when talking to him via phone. Some guys like that, because it takes some of the guilt off their shoulders. This guy's behavior sounds so familiar. Is he from NYC? Are his initials J.A.? I would move on because this doesn't sound like someone you need in your life. Long distance relationships aren't easy with mileage between you, let alone, a guy who acts like he's acting. Chalk this up to a lesson in life & learn from it. You will meet a man from your area when you aren't looking & that will be best situation for you, really. That way, you two can be together often & do things together. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

You have hurt him somehow - looks like this was it: "There was a time that I couldn’t speak with him for a couple of days, and it felt as the world ended to him."

If you had a good reason for your actions and explained those reasons, then he is too immature for you to be serious about. Forget him and move on.

If you just left him hanging without a loving explanation, he probably thinks you were checking out someone new & are only trying to get back with him now because it didn't work out. In that case, he probably doesn't want anything more to do with you.
If that's the case, and you really care about this guy, send him a loving explanation, an apology, and ask if you can resume your relationship. Good luck!

Answer 4

Because even though you had not met you were treating this as a relationship. This is similar to a long distance relationship which is hard to maintain let alone one where the persons invloved have never met. There must be something that has casue him to bakc off a bit. The reality of it is you don't knwo for sure if he is single and maybe he knwos that it is a little more serious and can't have it go any deeper. Have you spoken to him about this? If not, when you do don't approach it in a manner you would a boyfriend or husband. Approach it as a friend and be honest, say you would liek to know what he intended and where he believes, if anything, this is leading.

Answer 5

You are so hurt over this because you believe you know him on a different level than a normal realationship. You have shared many things about yourself and thru time have gotten to know each other on a almost intiment level. You have told him things that no one else probably knows. The problem is that what he has told you about himself may not be actually true. The person that he pretended to be could he ever treat you like he is treating you now. If the answer is yes then by all means contact him. If the answer is no then its time to try the internet dating thing again and mark this up as a good reminder on the bad part of internet dating.

Answer 6

Perhaps it's not you - perhaps his wife/steady girlfriend/fiance found out about his indiscretions and is putting the brakes on his playing around.

If something came up every time you made arrangements to meet, there's a reason. Your little passage is strewn with red flags and you have to remember that the security of hiding behind a keyboard and monitor, even if you DO have webcams, is too much of a temptation for many people who want to feel as though they're getting away with the danger of cheating without the physical contact.

Look for someone closer in proximity that you can actually BE WITH instead of an affair over the internet.

Answer 7

i think maybe he was having more fun doing the online thing than actually meeting. since when you wanted to meet you never could. when your over the internet, u can lie. maybe he doesnt want to meet you in person cuz he's lied about who he is. For all you could know he's married. Or maybe he is just not interested all of a sudden. I feel like there is something else here. I'd say you've gotta move on. Its hard but he's being mean to you hoping to get rid of you sooner. I think your best bet is to move on and find someone better. If he can just totally forget about you in just 2 weeks after 6 months something is wrong. He must not feel as strongly as he had seemed like he did. Whatever happens though good luck!

Answer 8

well i think when you guys have been talking for so long you form an attatchment to one another. i guess you could say it's a bond. I understand you guys have never met before, which might make your situation a little easier. I know what it's like to be able to talk to someone about everything and anytthing, but sometimes you just kinda have to let it go. I think you should move on, but maybe see back off for a little bit and see what happens in a little while. there isn't really much you can do right now but wait. you can try talking to him about it- and maybe say you're sorry for whatever you did to hurt his feelings, ask him whats wrong, something like that. there has to be an explination of whats going wrong, so try and talk to him about it- if not, just wait a while. im sure everything will eventually work out, and i hope it does!

good luck.
sorry if i didnt help much
♥

Answer 9

wait a week and a half. You have to give him time to miss you. If you call him everyday he will think you are preassuring him or are stalking him. Nobody likes someone looking over their shoulders. After 1.5weeks have passed then send him a simple e-mail. Nothing too complex like how you doing. Or are you still mad at me. Simple things like this seems as non threatening and it kind of forces a responce.



Distance relationships and internet relationships are iffy at best. It could work some times but thats the exception not the rule. Plus this is also the nature of relatinships. In real life a relation ship may work or it maynot. It seems sometimes as plain old luck.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Hi,

I'm in what started as an online relationship too now. It's been a complete success and isn't online anymore.

About him, I think he might have commitment fears, not because he wants to be on the scene hitting loads of women but because he's probably been hurt in the past.

For me a big issue was being hurt in past relationships and i stopped speaking to my present girlfriend for a while. Now, not to scare you but i didn't speak to her for around 6 months, because i KNEW i fell in love and i didn't want to be hurt again, ESPECIALLY because it's online (which generally has a negative feel to it). I only spoke to her again because i missed her so much.

If this is meant to be he will eventually talk to you. But until then you really have to keep your options open ok? It will be his loss if you find someone better. But if he is really serious about this he will come back.

That fear went completely the day i met her in person, so only if you did meet in person could you and him possibly tell if you both wanted to be in a serious relaltionship together.

But as things are, this sounds identical to my experience, except me being the guy and things have turned out great.

I really hope the best for you and i wish things will turn out for you as they have for me.

Online love isn't that bad :)

Best wishes,

Matt