How do you comfort a family that has lost a son in Iraq?

Question

If you have any ideas, Please be respectful, tasteful and non-political.

Answer 1

This is awfully general.. do you mean someone close to you, or someone you met in a store? Are you talking about an official notification, or just a follow up or condolence from someone that cares?

There are far too many scenarios to cover with presumptions. A few very bare-minium dos and don'ts are:

Sympathize, but don't emphathize (if you've also lost a son in Iraq, great.. otherwise don't try to "feel their pain" or "know how they feel")
Be emotional, but strong (you lose your support credibility if you seem less than focused on their pain and more on your own)
Stay positive, but not optomistic.. (mentioning the "good ole days" is likely to cause more pain, but simply agreeing and being a shoulder to cry on and an ear to turn are sometimes the best thing they can ask for)
Lend your common threads (if you have something in common with the deceased, throw it out there so they can relive what THEY feel is required to get through this.. but don't fish.. if your strongest common bond is the military.. that may be all you need to say)
Stay away from conversations about monetary compensation (nobody wants to put a price on the lives of their loved ones.. even though the military has compensation packages in the form of a death gratuity and, if applicable, serviceman's group life insurance.. nobody wants to feel they've traded their son for a paycheck)
If you offer to be there for them.. FOLLOW THROUGH!
Don't make empty promises
Don't be surprised if they're bitter about the war, the military and/or blaming themselves for the situation.. this isn't the best time to agree or disagree.. simply listening is key.

I have quite a bit more if you want to email me with a more specific scenario.

Answer 2

The loss of a child is the most heart rending experience any parent can face in this life. Every parent deals with this tragedy in their own way. The healing process is long and arduous, and extremely painful. There is almost no way to comfort a grieving parent. It is very important, however, for you to just be there to listen to them. They will have the need to talk about their son, and they will need people who are willing to just listen to them without saying anything. There are no words that can adequately comfort them at this time. Your presence will do more for them than any words you speak, for their minds are not ready to receive words just yet. Evenutally, you will be able to speak into their lives, but for now, they just need to know that you are there to hold them up when they're down, to listen to them when they need to talk, and to say nothing at all when they feel the need to keep silent. I know that you are a great friend, and you will do the right thing. Be on the alert for ways that you can help out around the house (meal preparation,chores, pet sitting, lawn maintenance, etc) for the next several months. Don't ask them to let you know it there's anything you can do. They will not let you know, for they are caught up in their own grief right now, and they are not thinking about their needs at all. So, for a little while, perhaps you can keep an eye out for things that need to be done. That is such a great help!

Answer 3

Don't bring it up (his death) unless they do. Take your cues from them. If they want to talk about it, listen and acknowledge their feelings. Let them do 90% of the talking. Grief is about expressing what you've lost; they will prefer to hear the good things you remember, the fun and lovable aspects of the person you knew (assuming you knew him).

The hardest thing about healing after such a terrible loss is that friends and acquaintances can't seem to leave it alone once the initial grieving is over. Sometimes grieving people go into hiding almost, because their friends just can't stop bringing it up. That just tears the wound open again, over and over.

Don't shower them with pity, and don't act maudlin. They need you to be strong for them now. You can find many ways to be kind to them, but be subtle about it.

Answer 4

To comfort a family that has lost a son, you should tell of your good experiences with him and how he made you feel. Don't try to avoid them. People try to stay away from the subject, but families want to talk about their loved ones and don't like people to pretend they never existed.

Answer 5

You cannot! Their loss is too great for anyone to really comfort them, all you can do is offer your condolences & try to do some things that might be of help to them. Like taking a tasty dish that you know they like over to them, run an errand, buy some stamps etc. Until or unless you have had the same type of loss, you can not understand their grief. Stay out of the way of their grief.

Answer 6

It's a very hard thing to do. My son was there for two years and we lost to buddies in his squad. I knew them both. Unless you are close in locale to that family there is only you condolences, but if you are nearby, drop in every now and then (once a week) and see listen to what they have to say, sometimes they just want to talk, other times it's nice just to have someone other than family there, someitmes it's just knowing that you care!

Answer 7

Show up to the funeral, help them out with it, if they need it. You can also but them an American flag, or something else that is patriotic.

Better yet, the Captial sells flags that have flown over the building. You can get it for a certain day, you might want to look into that. You can get it through your Congressman.

Answer 8

The same way you would comfort a family that has lost
someone by any other means.

Only the circumstances are different. The loss is the same.

Answer 9

How do you comfort any one that has lost a son?

Answer 10

Tell them they should be proud since he died protection the freedoms of which you and I take for granted. It was proven that the USA can be vulnerable to gorilla attacks (9/11) and in order to protect our borders we need to fight on THEIR soil not OURS. To be a part of that is amazing and I/we thank those that protect us.