I do not want to sound like a "crazy mom" but I really need some help. My 25 year old son lives in another state. We have/had a great relationship. I divorced his dad when he was 3 so we were attached at the hip our entire life. He has been living with his girlfriend for 2 years now. My husband and I went to visit him last week to see his new home. Well his girlfriend avoided us the entire trip. When she came home from work she went into her bed room. We saw her for approx 4 hrs the entire week. Our last night there, she went to the bar after work and spent the night with "friends" she did not even say good bye to us. I do not know her well, but wanted to do a "spa" day or something fun for "just us girls" but this did not happen. My husband told me to keep my mouth shut. I could ruin my relationship with my son if I voice my opinion of this girl He will figure out in time that she is not the one. I would just like to say something to him. This is breaking my heat.
2007-02-26 07:13:14 · 15 answers · asked by ncbound 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Wow.. thank you all for the advice so far.... PS.. I ran out of letters.. breaking my "heart" is what I ment. I realize he is an adult... I cut the cord when he left for college..... I loved all his other girlfriends and still keep in touch with them... That is why this situation is so hard. I don't know.. It seems as though the consensus is for me to stand back for a while... thank you all!!!!
2007-02-26 07:47:16 · update #1
Dont go in on the attack, but I would ask him carefully if something was up. That you noticed she didnt seem to be too comfortable with being around you and wonder if there was anything wrong or if you could do anything to help make her more at ease with you. However, I would only ask once and drop it immediately if he doesnt want to talk about it. Dont press.
But it doesnt make you crazy to ask if everything is ok.
2007-02-26 07:21:33 · answer #1 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
He no doubt saw what this girl was doing & HOPED nothing would be said. See, your son is caught in the middle. She's probably jealous of the relationship that you & your son has had.
You might want to tell your son to give marrying this girl some serious thought, and then let it go.
It's hard to be a parent when you know the decisions your child(ren) are making can't possibly end up good. But he is a man.
And whether you want the relationship ruined or not, you son will be pulled away from you as this other relationship develops. Of course, that's the way it's suppose to be. He's to leave mom & dad & be joined to this woman. Except you don't want that with THIS woman.
I know you've imagined what your DiL & your relationship would be like & this is as far from that as you can possibly imagine. And I know how your heart breaks, all too well.
You're son might see she's not the one, & then again, he might go ahead & marry her, for what ever reasoning is in his head. Trust me, if you think you're heart is breaking now................
It's not always the MiL that's the bad guy.
2007-02-26 15:33:42 · answer #2 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You may just be misreading into the whole situation?
If you don't know this girl that well maybe she feels like she is out of place when you came to visit. She may just be giving your family space to visit each other or she does not feel welcom.
If you have never done anything to provoke such behaviour I would just say she is shy and does not know how to handle the situation. You need to build a relationship with this girl, you can't expect her to just go for a spa day with someone she barely knows, she may be quiet reserved. You don't want to say anything nasty to her or you son or they may view you as being judgmental.
You have no idea if she is the right one for him or not, only he will know and if you try to make the decision for him don't be surpised if he shuts you out. You need to make this work or you will see them both less and less.
Just remeber, your son always will love you no matter who he is with, but it this is his girlfriend. Just be happy for your son no matter what.
2007-02-26 16:22:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be careful not to do anything to ruin the relationship with your son. He is 25 years old, and chances are he already knows she's a rude and selfish girl. If you must say something to him, just let him know that you were hoping to spend some time with his GF and you were quite disappointed that you did not have the chance to get to know her better. He will know what you are talking about. But the bottom line is, being 25, he is an adult now, and we need to let go of our children at some point and let them live their own lives - and make their own mistakes. Just hope they never get engaged!!!
2007-02-26 15:36:50 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe she was just shy. I know when I first started dating my fiance, I sort of avoided his parents. I was shy... simple as that. I'm not saying this is what is the case with your son's gf but maybe! I know I avoided them just because I didn't want awkward moments of silence or something along those lines. It seems though after 2 years she would become accustomed to you though even if you haven't been around each other much.. She should be accustomed to the "idea" of you anyway. Maybe that made sense!
2007-02-26 16:37:47 · answer #5 · answered by Holly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe the g/f felt that you wanted to spend some "alone" time with your son and gave you privacy? Call your son ahead of your next trip down there and ask to do "spa" day with his g/f. If he says she doesnt want to then i'd bring up the subject of what happened the last trip and ask if there was something you did or say to make her feel uncomfortable? You just want to get to know her and you dont want to jepordize your relationship with your son.
2007-02-26 15:22:07 · answer #6 · answered by faith 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
That would worry me too. If you say anything to your son, you should ask whether she was feeling ok, because she seemed sort of withdrawn...I think her behavior was rude, to be honest. Her BF's parents come into town for a few days, and she avoinds guests in her home like the plague? I'm sorry, that's just bad manners. (I wouldn't say that to your son, but that's my opinion)
2007-02-26 15:23:53 · answer #7 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe ask your son how he thought the visit went. For 2 years I thought my boyfriends parents didn't like me, until they invited me to their house without a prompt from my boyfriend. She might think you don't like her cause she is taking away your baby boy. Make sure she knows that you don't hate her. Also, your on is 25 years old he needs to ake his own mistakes, let hm go a bit. You say you are joined at the hip, it might be time to let him go.
2007-02-26 15:22:30 · answer #8 · answered by Molly SH 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is just not very social, maybe she is intimidated. When my husband and I were dating and even after we moved in together if his dad nad stepmom showed up I made myself busy. I just didnt think I had much to talk about with them and I didnt want to be in the awkward situation. Was she rude or just evasive? Just ask your son how she is and gently and politely ask why she wasnt around? How is her family situation, they may have something to do with it.. maybe she doesnt have much experience with the family of her boyfriends... Closeness takes time... be patient.
2007-02-26 15:51:36 · answer #9 · answered by PenguinsWife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She does not sound like the ideal daughter-in-law, but I don't think it's time to speak up yet. If the time comes that you think your son is going to propose, then maybe you should let him know that you love him, but this girl does not seem like the right one. It is also possible that she is not serious about him for the long term; if she were, she would probably be more concerned with getting to know you and your husband and making a good impression.
2007-02-26 15:19:17 · answer #10 · answered by Shellbell 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋