My friend is a nerd :( What should he do?

Question

Okay I wrote about my guy friend on this site before, stating how he is insecure/unconfident, shy, and cannot seem to get a girl to save his life(he's 26). Recently I was hanging out with a group of friends and my guy friend was not there. I mentioned my guy friend in a story I was telling, and they started saying that he was "gay" and/or a "nerd"! I KNOW that my friend is anything BUT gay! Yet the guys I was hanging with claimed that he seems gay. The girls I was hanging with said they didn't get any gay vibes from him at all, just that he's a nerd. Point is, being thought of as "gay" or "nerdy" are the LAST things that my TOTALLY STRAIGHT guy friend would want to be thought of! What should he do?? I keep telling him to talk more, and he's always like "If I say anything, people will find fault with it and get angry at me"...super paranoia. But now because he's all quiet/stiff around people, they think he's a nerd!! How can I help? And what things will make him look like less of a nerd

Answer 1

It sounds like a major confidence problem. He seems to have no confidence in himself or the things he says or does.

The guys are saying he's gay only because he hasn't had a girlfriend and he's 26, and being shy is perceived as unmanly by too many other guys.

The girls are saying he's nerdy because he isn't sociable(he keeps to himself) and won't talk because of the fear of people finding fault with him.

You need to help him build up his confidence. The best way to get better at it is to have him talk to people he isn't interested in just to get the practice he needs in approaching people. There's nothing on the line so he shouldn't have an associated fear of rejection. Just a simple hi to someone passing by or small talk in the line at the grocery store will help build his confidence. Once he is confident speaking to strangers, it will make it much easier to talk to and carry on a conversation with the people he is interested in(whether that be guys he wants to be friends with or girls that he would like to meet for a relationship). Building up his confidence will help him get past his underlying fear of rejection.