My husband died years ago, leaving me with a boy and a 13 yo girl. They didn't get along, my boy always thought I loved his sister much more than him and got very jealous. At 11 she liked to tease him, things that are normal in bro/sister relationship. But he used to get very angry and even more because I used to tell him he was older and had to protect his lil sister. He ended up being mean to her, out of jealousy for several times did really bad and unacceptable things to her, like throwing her in a swimming pool when she was dressed for a party. I gave him harsh punishments, he stopped doing such things, even acknowledged he was acting out of anger and was wrong. But said I wasn't a fair mother, cause I favored her and was harsh on him, and started hating me, though never did anything wrong again. Today he's living w/ my mother-in law, who likes him. He's the kind of boy any mother would proud of, everybody likes him,. but he hates me and seems this will be forever
2007-02-26 06:37:02 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My mther in law loves the boy, says he's wonderful to her , pays for his school and everything and the boy doesn't want to live with me
2007-02-26 06:38:54 · update #1
Write him a letter and tell him if you favored your daughter you didnt mean to (dont just deny you did because his perceptions arent the same as yours and to argue over it would just push him away further) and that you love him very much. Tell him your sorry for all the pain he has gone thru in life and not having a father to guide him. Tell him you know he is angry at you and that he hates you but that you will always love him and that if he ever needs you that you will try your best to be there for him. Say how every parent makes mistakes and that you did your best and thats all you knew how to do.
Then tell him the door is always open to him no matter what.
Ok so send him that letter and then dont expect any reaction because it could take years for it to sink in. But at least you let him know the door is open. And if he ever does come to you for something, make sure you listen to him and dont make excuses, just try and be there for him.
2007-02-26 07:04:34 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well this sounds like my husband and his sister growing up.. they truly were evil to one another all the time and of course it is natural to want to protect the girl 1st.. only cause she is the girl and that seems to make people think fragile. Boys seem so hard and cold at times. I seen alot of the things that went on between them. As his mother you really need to try to talk to him and make him understand that you love him and that boys and girls get treated differently. I would not allow him to live at his mother in law anymore so you 2 can work on a better relationship... tell him that you are wanting to make an effort in them getting along and take him shopping or do something that he will enjoy. Tell him that this will have to be a two way relationship and he will have to try to get along with you as well. You two are losing out on some great bonding time and it will only get worse if you allow him to stay away from home. My husband and I started dating when he was 15 and at 17 he moved in with me and because of the relationship with his mother and sister was awful rocky. That hurt him for a long time.. now he and his mother and sister are close.. but there was so much time in between that needed to be shared and closure was needed 10 yr ago. I think maybe you 2 could see a counselor and this can open up the problem and you can get to the bottom of it quickly. Good luck.
2016-03-16 01:12:01 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi
The best advice that I can give you from one mom to another is family counseling . Children do not realize the hurt and strain that their actions can cause us (parents ) . It sounds as if your son does not know how to handle his anger and the loss of his dad may have something to do with it as well .
He may also feel that you are showing favortism towards the younger child and he needs to be reassured that this is not the case . It will not be forever if you take a step in the right direction and seek professional help for yourself as well as your children .
If your son does not get help , he will be a bitter person in adult hood
Hopefully things will improve with time
Take care and good luck .
2007-02-26 07:48:59 · answer #3 · answered by Constance M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a great site for help in your situation. I have a 13 year old son and ask for advice all the time.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/parentingtroubledteens/
2007-02-26 06:59:11 · answer #4 · answered by jtaylor1993 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u should use ur motherhood to attract him... see every person has a path in his heart when u find that path u will win him forever... ur his mother use that bond ,talk to him honestly .... and prove to him that u love him and care for him ... see how ur mother-in-low treats him and do the same ...... i suggest u face him and show him how much u love and care for him if it comes from the heart u both will be in tears and u will win his love forever
2007-02-26 08:17:34 · answer #5 · answered by enasshalaan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
deal 15yearson hates
2016-02-01 01:50:48 · answer #6 · answered by Charley 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋