I know I am not perfect. I was worse than her before marriage. She waited until we were married to tell me about a couple times and it has killed me. I think of it daily for about 4 months now. I love her and forgive her, but it hurts. I am praying God will just take this away and heal me. It has even caused physical symptoms in me. Thanks.
2007-02-26 06:27:04 · 19 answers · asked by thunder92 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Ultimately, you have to decide to let it go... stop dwelling on it.
2007-02-26 06:31:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
God wants to take this away from you, but you have to truly give it up. He won't take it until you're ready to let go of it. That means honestly giving up the feelings of hurt and betrayal. The truth is that this is in her PAST. You are her present, you are her future. You can deny that you are judging her, but the truth is that on some level, you believe she should've been "better" than she turned out to be.
Focus on loving your wife. You married ALL of her, not just the parts you thought you understood. Focusing on "getting past" this is still focusing on the situation. When the thoughts enter your mind, force them to leave. Don't even pray in specific terms, just ask, "God, take this," and turn your mind to something else. Don't indulge yourself by letting the thoughts linger or progress. The bible says, "Take captive every thought". You have the ability, and you have the desire, the hardest part is fighting the human nature that says you have to dwell on something in order to defeat it. You cannot hold on and let go at the same time. You cannot ask God to heal you while you open your own wounds.
Once you learn to dismiss the thoughts and the negative emotions that go with them, you give forgiveness a chance to take place.
God bless you both.
2007-02-26 14:37:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can erase the thoughts by just accepting that she did not marry the other man but chose YOU, and the fact the she told you after marriage might not have been done deliberately. Just try putting the shoe on the other foot and ask yourself if you would have wanted her to forgive you and not let those thoughts interfere with her physical feelings for you. She is only human, forgive her and get on with strengthening your marriage. Do not let the past spoil your present and future.
2007-02-26 14:43:39 · answer #3 · answered by ann t 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She married you, that should say it all. Forget it, move on, and allow yourself to be happy. You could ruin it by being so hung up on what is really not that big a deal. Most people these days have experiences before marriage (as you yourself did) and it is through these we develop a better understanding of who we want to spend our lives with. It is actually a stronger indication that she knew what she was doing when she chose to marry you. You aren't wishing you were with these other women you knew before right? If you are then maybe you are projecting your own feelings onto her. If you are not then you really just need to get over it, you are being unfair.
2007-02-26 14:35:27 · answer #4 · answered by Zen Pirate 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Each time it comes into your thoughts, do not allow it to stay in your mind. At first, this is easier said than done, but it will get easier each and every time your try. To do this, you must replace that bad thought with something good. I can tell you that God does not want us to think on the past, if it's bad.
Phil 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
If it's bad, don't think it. If it's the past, it does not exist anymore. Know in your heart that she feels as bad for her mistakes as you do for yours. You must not continue to beat yourselves up over the past, and you must never bring it up to one another AGAIN!
Replace the bad thought with some good thoughts about your wife. Keep doing this and soon the bad will be a very distant memory. Don't bring it up, not even in a fight, ever again.
2007-02-26 14:35:25 · answer #5 · answered by Christian93 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is to get into a regular habit of praying with your wife. Take time every morning, every evening to read the bible and pray together.
My wife and I read at least a chapter or two a day, then we simply pray and ask God to bless us, our relationship, our children, etc.
It has been the most valuable, helpful, uplifting thing to do....
Also, as you pray, be honest and open to your wife. Tell her your feelings, your insecurities, etc. Then pray pray pray.
god bless
2007-02-26 14:32:20 · answer #6 · answered by happy pilgrim 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get over it. If you keep living in the past you'll never enjoy life. As long as things like that aren't going on now you need to let it go. She's not a bad person and either are you. You have your whole lives together. It's not worth hurting your marraige, which it will if you don't let it go now.
2007-02-26 14:31:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
she waited until marriage to tell you that she wasn't perfect BEFORE you were married? what the heck does that have to do with the fact that she decided to get married? She's a married woman now and loves you; get the thoughts out of your head before you give yourself a heart attack.
2007-02-26 14:32:00 · answer #8 · answered by Virgo 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Put it down and back away.
It actually proves that she truly loves you:
1. because she trusted and respected you enough to tell you and
2. because she had these other men and still married you.
You are not recognizing the positive side of this.
2007-02-26 14:31:28 · answer #9 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to trust her. She married YOU, didn't she? She didn't have to tell you about those "couple of times". She loves you and wants to be trusted. Trust her, REALLY FORGIVE HER, and let it go.
2007-02-26 14:36:23 · answer #10 · answered by afewideas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep praying and some counseling wouldn't hurt
2007-02-26 14:30:57 · answer #11 · answered by Wildroze 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋