I am 26 year old stay at home with a 2 year old.?

Question

My husband doesnt want me to work due to past insecurities and me having my own money (thinks I wont need him). Anyways, the whole thing was I would stay home with the child and he would provide the financial means. I was told when I was pregant that he would buy me a proper car (airbags) and it has been 3 years now and nothing. When I say I will get a job to get one he gets angry or insecure and says he will get me one. We even had the money to get one and I was called a selfish Bitchh because the amount of money he had was just enough to buy a car. Anyways I have been at home for 3 sraight weeks and havent really left thehouse cause I dont have a car and its way too cold to take a toddler on a bus, plus by the time we get anywhere thats about 30-40 mins. He has a newer truck (00) that he bought with his money and says he has it cause he works for it. I hate depending on rides cause 2 mean 5 to some ppl. I also dont like not being able todo things with my son. What shoudldo?

He also wont pay for daycare so I can work, this angers him and all. His mother smokes like chimney and she would probably watch him, but I dont want my son inhaling smoke for 9 hours straight, plus she is old.
He always says he will get me a vehcile and never does, I am getting annoyed with this as I think and beleive he doesnt want me out of thehouse without him.
He always wants to be there and gets jealous if I do something with our son without him, but I am tired of staying home all day (he works out of town alot).
He can afford to get me a car (makes over 70,000 a year)but makes up excuses not to, like letting bills slide so he has an excuse.
I dont know what to do about this, if I got a job I would still need a car first.
There is no tother family or friedns to help look after my son, I am the one who does mostly everything with him. If you are a stay hom mom can you tell me what you drive, who bought it and why you need it?

Answer 1

Sit down with your husband and a heart to heart. Tell him you love him and you trust him enough to work and that's all you're asking in return. Outline all the positives for you having (even a parttime) a job. 1) You'll be happier, 2) You can afford to contribute to buying a car, bills, insurance, etc.

Reassure him that you really love him and nothing's going to change that. He obviously needs to know that he has nothing to be insecure about.

In the meantime, you need to be prepared to take a stand. If it's just a car you want - let him know you work hard too by taking care of your child and you don't get paid anything. Tell him (if need be) that he has a choice, you get a car or you get a job so you can buy a car. Be prepared for an arguement - but be sure to stand your ground so your husband knows you won't be trampled on.

Good luck!

ETA: Just a thought here - he makes $70,000 / yr - is there anyway you can look at the bills and come up with a budget to see where all the money's going? If you can prove that he has the extra money, it might add an arguement (or bring up more questions).

Answer 2

I too am an at home mom. I had 2 home with me. My husband is the money maker, and earns as much or more than your hubby. My hubby also does not like when I work. But he knows I have to occasionally to keep my nursing license. So I usually work for a few months out of the year. BUT, my husband gives me everything I want. Not to sound spoiled, but if I want it or need it, we get it. I had a 96 ford explorer we got in 2000. I said to him I need something with lower miles on it and not so many problems, and more room. The kids are in alot of activities. So a few weeks ago we traded it in for a van. But you need to tell him that you will not continue on like this. YOU NEED a car! that is your first demand. If he uses the excuse that you dont have the money, then you tell him firmly you will get a part time job. Let him know he has 30 days to meet this, or you will take matters into your own hands. Explain to him that if you can not have a vehicle to go out in, because "he wont let you" then this is not the kind of life you want to live. You are an adult, and you can get a job. Remind him how much more money it would cost him if you left him. ex: support, and day care expensives, court costs. You also choose not to live a life where your son can learn how to be controlling of women. Bring out the examples girl! Tell him the demands. Give him a time limit. And of course explain what could/or will happen if he dont. Good luck.

Answer 3

Do not stay in a situation that you resent. If the plan was for you to be a stay at home mom... well then sounds like you are doing just that "staying home". Bummer, I would have to say that times are though, and maybe you will have to settle for a "decent" car maybe one without airbags, not everyone has them. I would be honest with my husband, show that I do appreciate how hard he is working to support the family, and in the same right, I would not be shy in saying " I need to earn money to help this family, or you my husband need to get another job" he needs to be able to grow up and deal with his own insecurities... if he thinks that he has controll over you by controlling the money, he is in for a rude awakening. You can plan and get state assistance which would enable you to provide for your child while living on you own... do not feel as if you are trapped, cuz you are not. But first and foremost, you are married and married people talk to each other like adults... good luck!

Answer 4

First of all he shouldn't feel insecure about you having your own money, it's not that you won't need him, tell him it's because you want to contribute to your family financial well-being and that it would make it easier for both of you in the long run. My suggestion: get a job, he'll get over his insecurity, after all we live in times where women are very successful in their careers and most men are happy with that (sounds like your husband is a little old school). You need some independance, you shouldn't be locked up in your home for that long, it's entirely unfair. Maybe you could start a home based business, something online or whatever else you can think of and be creative with. You could suggest to him that you drive him to work in the morning and pick him up afterwards so that you can at very least get places without too much struggle, maybe suggest it for twice a week at first and see how he reacts to that. Truth of the matter is, as women especially, we should never depend on someone else to provide for us, we need to be self-sufficient in this day in age because anything can happen and we should have some degree of control over our future.

Answer 5

Your husband is controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive.

You have a couple of options. Get a job without his blessings somewhere local so you can walk to work and find someone to watch the kids (certanly you have at least one friend? If not, then that's a huge red flag that you need to LEAVE) until you can get a car;

or

Leave, which is probably in your best interest anyway.

It's not "His" money.

It's "Our" money. Meaning it's your money too. If he doesn't want to help you financially, then you have to take the steps to help yourself.

I start going slightly psychotic being at home for more than 6 hours at a time, I can't imagine staying within the same 4 walls for 3 weeks.

Answer 6

get a job so you can get a car or get someone who he trusts to side qith you...it almost sounds like you are in a one-sided relationship; you should be partners, the money he earns is to support the family and the things that you do...daycare, laundry, cleaning, meals, etc...what would those becosting if you were not staying at home? The money should be "ours", not his and mine. You will sacrific some things to be a stay at home mom, IF you want to call it sacrificing...getting to take care of your family without also having an outside job is the best place to be, especially until your children are well into elementary school. You do need a car that you and child will be safe in. Probably not really a solution but stuff to think about...

Answer 7

oh wow it sounds like you husband is VERY insecure and trying to keep you isolated. he calls you a ***** just bc you want a car so you wont be trapped in the house all day? he definitlly has some issues. the fact that he thinks its HIS money and not both of yours is also pretty disturbing, doesnt he think you taking care of a child all day is worth something? i would sit down and talk to him, tell him you need a car so you arent stuck inside everyday and that you want to get a job so you can get out and meet new ppl and make a little extra money and get some sanity back. even just a part time job in the evening, thats what i do. everyone needs friends and socialization! if he refuses and wants you to conitue to be a prisoner in your own home...well i say get out of there fast bc it will just continue to get worse. maybe you can stay with a family member or friend for awhile...who knows, maybe thats what he needs to realize you are serious about this.

Answer 8

Ugh, what an unfortunate situation you are in. I agree with Joachin Murrieta about your husband keeping you captive.

It doesn't sound like he is going to budge or change. You have to make it happen for yourself, somehow. Can you take the truck when he gets home? Can you go out by yourself or with your child?

There has to be a way to break this cycle and he is not going to do it. It may take a big change for you. Be careful, there are agencies out there to help you if you were thinking of leaving him, "if" you were thinking of it.

Good luck, you need to put your foot down and put things in motion, this man, your husband is keeping you without a car so he can have all the control. Of course he drives a nice new truck and you are left with nothing. Are you surprised?

Please, for your sake, start planning something, or put your foot down...it's so hard to say, something's gotta give.

Sorry you are going through this, you don't have to.
Good luck, all is easier said than done.

Answer 9

You need to start taking yours and your child's needs into consideration. What happens if you have an emergency? Are you on the titles to the house, vehicle or any other property? If not get it. He is not living up to his promises. Get a job, buy a car, don't forget insurance and child care isn't cheap. Is there a reason he doesn't trust you did you do anything wrong? If not it's his problem but you will have to be ready to put up with the outcome. My wife won't put me on the house she had before we got married and that I pay for, but complains because she's not on the title to my truck and motorcycle (She is on the title's to our van and truck). It's a two way street. Ask yourself if your Happy? Then do what you have to.

Answer 10

What a d**k
I work for home so i don't need to take my kids to daycare. I do have a car its a mini van. I just feel so bad for you, my husband has never been like that. I'm sure you love him but maybe you need to ask yourself is it worth being controlled like that, because that is what he is doing. I would tell him if he does let you get a car that you will leave him. Because I think a car would cost him less than child support. He makes more money than my husband and I put together and we can afford 2 cars.