How do I feel happy about being single?

Question

I recently became single, not nice but I'm not too hung-up, these things happen. I know I'm a good catch and something better will come along – eventually.

I've had some really horrible relationships, I deserve a good relationship, but right now I know that being single is best for me, but I also know that I want to start looking for long-term relationships again, settling down – granted I feel left behind as all my friends are jumping head-first into marriage, family, etc.

There seem to be so few ways to meet people, when I do find someone I worry about settling, and it concerns me even more that they turn out to be not-so-good so I'm left alone again or feel rejected by people I shouldn't worry myself over. I hate this transitional period between loves, you know you have to wait and can't force it, but you also know you could be waiting for years, fear being alone.

How can I whack some sense into myself and make myself feel happy about being single? – Could be worse.

I don't have girlfriends, all my friends are guys in long-term relationships so don't go out as much as they used to – I don't want to be like them, seemingly going into marriage because they feel it's expected. I'm trying to make new friends to go out with, and find the money to go out, as I love going out, being in a relationship never changed that.

As a note I don't think a good guy will just plop onto my lap, what I mean is that I am not willing to settle with someone who doesn't make me happy – but so many guys are such jerks, or cannot deal with me acting myself or making the first move (I don't believe in acting dumb, or playing the shy girly-girl as some women do and as some men expect).

Answer 1

date a needy guy!

Answer 2

Here is how you whack some proverbial sense into yourself.

You need to realize that you don't deserve anything. You kind of make it sound like a quality long term man will fall into your lap because you have dealt with so many losers. This is simply not the case.

Simply put, you need to work at dating. Maybe start by just "seeing him" for a while instead of jumping headfirst into "dating". That will give any bad qualities of his time to surface so you can get out with minimal damage. Also, there is nothing wrong with seeking out the guys yourself instead of "settling" for the next guy with balls enough to talk to you. You are as responsible for who you date as anyone. Make it happen. There are more ways to meet people than you might think.

The best way right now to make yourself happy as a single girl is to flaunt it. Go out to the bars with some girlfriends, get some guys to buy you drinks, flirt, have a good time. And remember, you aren't coming home to a jerk at the end of the night.

Answer 3

Honey can totally give you some advice here! I have been in several long term relationships, but most recently I have been single for like 2 years.

First thing is, you can never be happy living with someone if you are not happy alone. Think about how you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. No one you HAVE to cook for, clean for, worry about! It's all about you! I LOVE being single! LOVE IT!

Secondly, don't try to "look" for someone, you usually find someone when you least expect it.

Enjoy the time you have for yourself now, by doing that and being happy alone you will portray that everywhere you go. People will see you as a happy self sufficient woman. If you are unhappy, that is also portrayed and will ultimately make it difficult to meet anyone.

Answer 4

U have to fall in love with yourself. When I say that I don't mean become conceited, I mean be happy with yourself. I've been single for the last year and a half. And I'm finally happy. I found other things that occupied my time and I ended up setting goals for myself. I decided that I wouldn't settle down until I will done. Now, don't get me wrong, when the right one comes along, and I believe he has, I won't turn him away. But, he has to be there with me. We have to be on the same level. I nor u don't need anyone bring us down. Learn to be happy with yourself. One way I ended up doing that, was I realized I was settling for less in my past relationships. I refuse to do that anymore. I know I've gone through a lot in life and some of it was out of my control. But, what I can control, I am. I have a friend who let's her bf just runs over her. They argue all the time, over the stupidest little thing. He's always accusing her of doing something. Which is so funny, because SHE caught him cheating on her, red-headed. I keep trying to tell her, a man will get away wit what u let them get away wit. U have to have enough respect for urself, to not let a man do things like that to u. The only way u can respect is to start loving urself. Once, u conquer that, being alone is nothing. Look at it this; u're alone, just alone, not lonely. That's a saying I live by everyday. There is a big difference. U just have to learn to live wit ur self. U should never be afraid of being on ur own. A man is suppose to compliment u, not contemplate u. Fall in love wit urself and u'll be happy wit no matter what comes ur way.

Answer 5

That transition period is the worst! However, I think being single gives you an opportunity to focus on your own needs and desires. Get out into the world, do the things you've dreamed of doing that might not be so easy to do if you're tied to the hip with a significant other. Travel, do something that'll give you an adreneline rush - bungee jump, sky dive, whatever you think you'd like to do. Focus more on your personal development (because we never stop growing & learning). As you get out into the world doing the things you love to do chances are you'll meet someone who shares similar interests and who knows it could grow from there to your advantage. It is difficult however to be surrounded by people who are in relationships, doing the whole family thing, then again maybe it's a chance for you to learn from them what it is that you really want out of a future relationship.
Be happy because you're you!!

Answer 6

Well the first thing I would look at when you are feeling lonely is knowing that at least you are not feeling pain because someone didn't call you, or didn't show up, or all the other reasons we become miserable when we are in relationships. Also, this is your free time to commit to somethings that are just better being done solo, ask yourself now what did you miss doing alone that you thought of doing when you were in a relationship? Relationships are truly hard work and time consuming so embrace single life, take this time to re-evaluate you, take care of you, and make the most of it so then when Mr right comes your way you can offer the best of yourself.

Answer 7

Your question is a really good question.

As silly as what I am about to say sounds, you have to put it to the test.
Start dating yourself. I kid you not ! Seriously, you need to get to know yourself. You think you do already, but, it is not so.

No matter how long our length of time is spent on earth, it is never going to be enough time to get to know ourselves enough.

When your dating someone, all the focus is on what they would be happy with, and trying to accommodate them for the most part.

People are attracted to other's for qualities, they lack.
Opposites attract !
You need to find ways to fulfill for yourself in ways that you wish other's would, when your dating someone.

Your motto should be:
"Don't expect, want, or wish other's to do for you, what you won't do for yourself."

I dare you to phone up a Flower shop, have them deliver the most beautiful pink roses. Have them put a little card with the flowers that when it arrives, reads, what ever you want it to.
Need help with that?...try, "your the best friend I ever had, I love you so much".

This will be your first step of happiness, and you will giggle and feel really silly when they arrive at the door. But more then that, you will have made a discovery about being single that only you can feel, and I can't discribe.

Answer 8

I used to feel exactly the same and ended up pregnant, single and very sad. There is no rush to get married or have kids. My dream man came along when I wasn't looking. We took it slow and have been married for 8 years now and are still totally in love. People are in too much of a hurry these days...just chill.....enjoy your space and freedom and that Mr Right will roll into your life. Don't be afraid of being left on the shelf, like you said it could be worse, you could be stuck in a horrible marriage with a brood of kids and no escape! Good luck sister. xx

Answer 9

i feel for you so much because i have been there so many times! .. but you seem like such a smart down to earth girl, going by what you have written. I personally use the time to look after myself, do whatever i want when i want, have a clear out of my room, go to the gym and spend lots of time with my friends, because all these things make me feel independant and strong, then my confidence grows and i feel i'm at my prime and when you feel top of the world the right man will sniff you out and you will be strong and confident enough to choose whether to waste your time with them! Also, all your good qualityies will be on show and this will help you attract the right man.. oh, and watch the Bridgette Jones movies!! they always warm my heart and make me feel happy about being a woman! Good luck! :)

Answer 10

sometimes i get the same, i feel kinda glad im single but also want something abit more serious and then i look at chances i had with so many girls and that i blew it and im pulling my hair out because im still single. however being single is good as ive manged to focus on college, gettin rdy for university and just earning tons of money.

i realised that its better to get all the courses passed first then when you have a job (a proper job) then you can go and find someone. some of my friends who are kinda obsessed with always being with someone (afraid of being alone) always spend their time tryin to get off with someone or get a bf/gf.
tbh at 16-23 its better just to take life as it comes, focus on your work first so you get done and out of the way with.

also and this quite true.. most likely you will meet someone if you focus more on your life and studies.
you can go to college 16 to19 etc - uni 19 to 23 and have a part time job at the same time.. throughout that time you will meet atleast one person who likes you.
when i was working part time i met many girls, okay maybe at college i didnt meet many people but dont look for love let it find you. if someone loves you they will make it easy for you to make the move.

meanwhile hang out with your friends, do something social and you may also meet the guy of your dreams when you least expect it :)

i have friends where we just sit down n watch dvds n stuff then on other nights go out to clubs, you have alot of time, there is no rush for relationships. focus on what you want to acheieve in life and the one who loves you out there will see your interests and then notice you.

i was unsure how old you are so i just put what i thought was right.
all the best :)

Answer 11

Try going out with your girlfriends, or doing things that are positive to keep you busy?? I'm sure you'll find someone good one day. Maybe you could do some volunteer work, or get more involved with church activities if you do go to church?? Try meeting news friends as well. That might help you out. I hope that things get better for you. Being single is not as bad as some people make it out to be.