Ok, this guy has been head over heals for me for the last seven years. I have never actually felt that i loved him back, but i think that peer pressure prevented me from doing so. Now that we are in college ive realized how much of a ***** i am and i feel that he deserves better than me. I tried every way i could think of to make him see me as just a friend and even though he said he would prefer that over nothing, it was very obvious that he was still in love with me. So i did the only thing i could think of and quit talking to him, period. He wrote me many emails and letters desperatly trying to find out what he did wrong, but i ignored them all. A week ago he facebooked me saying he was done with me and could not imagine how the girl he fell in love with could turn out to be such a cold hearted *****. Well, i got what i wanted but now i feel so horrible. I want him to be happy, and find a girl who will give him the love he deserves, but its killing me. Am i in the right?
2007-02-26 05:53:59 · 16 answers · asked by Lizzy S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Lizzy, I was in this situation once with a guy. I think the only thing to do now is to send a letter or e-mail of apology. That you still do not have any feelings for him, but you felt that no contact was the best way to deal with things and you are sorry if it hurt his feelings. It's possible he could just need closure and a letter of finality from you saying you are not interested in him could make him leave you alone. I personally think that he should've gotten over you seven years ago since it's obvious you never showed interest in him. Don't feel too bad about this, I do NOT think you were a ***** at all by doing this. You just thought this was the best way of handling things. But I think maybe the letter of apology will show that you weren't trying to be mean by ignoring him. I think he is the one who should have MOVED ON when you started ignoring him! He's just mad because he let himself get too attached. I hope this helps, I'm sorry I couldn't add much detail, but if you can think of anything kind to say in an e-mail, it would be good, maybe at least to end your friendship with him on a good note. Maybe just explain that you have also been very busy lately with something... but that you still think no contact is the best way to go. I'm not sure. But good luck with your situation. And remember, it really is all his fault for getting way too attached!
P.S. If he continues to be mad or returns your letter with another angry letter, then just continue to ignore him! He will get over it eventually.
2007-02-26 06:00:48 · answer #1 · answered by Alice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you feel guilty. The problem with people and relationships is that people are not always clear in what they feel when they communicate. And, not answering someone emails was very childish and immature of you. I hope you realize that ignoring somebody is a form of abuse. He needed decent closure and by you ignoring him, he was denied that. Rationalizing your behavior won't help you either, because how you treated him was very wrong. Like it or not, you were in the wrong in the way you broke it off. What I would do at this point is tell him how sorry you are that you hurt him, then, tell him all of what you wrote above. It's ok, if you know how you feel about somebody. How you handle it and how you treat him represents your character as a person. Always remember that.
2007-02-26 14:07:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seven years of lying to him.....its okay to feel bad about yourself....that's not cool. If you want to play the field, you did the right thing....it just seems that you aren't the person he thought you were. From experience....dont let the same thing happen to you.
Also...go see a counselour before you do something stupid with a guy that you end up regretting. Alcohol + Sadness = Regret.
2007-02-26 14:04:45 · answer #3 · answered by Experimental876 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look do not mess with this mans hart.That is not a good thing.If you realey and deeply loved him thair is no way you could have hert him so deeply.And you probly did,sounds like it.So now that he may have found this out .What now you care.So fare its only about you and still is.I love and care very much fore my girl,no matter how fare apart we maybe from each other,I still love her.There is no room in my hart for any thing that whould hert her .No room no matter what the sercomstance,hert is very very bad.Leave his hart alone,you have not don it any good what so ever.Deal with it.You cant have your cake and eat it to,at the expence of others.
2007-02-26 14:20:33 · answer #4 · answered by Eddy M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You admitted you never loved him or had fellings for him to us but did you admit that to him. When it comes to a situation like that you should have set him straight right away. You did the right thing just seven years to late.
2007-02-26 14:13:59 · answer #5 · answered by Lou 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not at all. instead of looking for an angle you should've just been honest with him and told him you would like to move on, that he isn't right for you....instead you did become a cold hearted b**** and in turn could ruin him for women to come. your actions affect the rest of his life....way to teach him not to trust. you should email a heartfelt apology and explain that nothing was his fault and that it was all you taking a coward's way out.
2007-02-26 14:01:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I don't think you handled it correctly. When someone shuts you out completely, it's very confusing. You don't know what happened that caused them to just suddenly shut you out. That was mean and selfish on your part. You owed the guy an explanation.
2007-02-26 13:58:01 · answer #7 · answered by Mikala M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
...if you ever intend or wanna be friendly again with this guy someday?...for any reason?...go and apologize to him kindly...but also please set him straight about all of your feelings in regards to "NOT" wanting to be having a relationship with him either. For the record hun?....When we guys want to be with someone badly?...(you babe) sometimes we'll entertain the thoughts of stopping at nothing really. Please forgive us darling. Sometimes your enormous beauty is too much for us to handle. (compliment) We're not bad guys with our initial intentions for you sweetie,...but certainly occasionally we get our mixed messages with some women misguided in our minds of course. Set him straight gently darling...so eventually you two can maybe be friends. Infatuation and occasional obsessive compulsive (OC) thinking needs usually just some simple correcting hun. Go correct his thoughts for him sweetie...but don't sugar coat your stuff about it with him either. His emotions are fragile with the thoughts of the significant you darling. Handle him carefully and gently. As you have feelings?...so does he have feelings too. Handle him with kid gloves sweetie. His ego's feeling bruised right now accordingly. Poor fella!!!
2007-02-26 14:13:51 · answer #8 · answered by scott s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried dating anyone else? You could have requested a time out too see if either of you found someone you'd rather spend time with. Sorry about your anxiety! :-(=
2007-02-26 14:00:08 · answer #9 · answered by Jcontrols 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is just hurt...up to now, he still had a hope with you, but now, he is facing the true, he finally gets the idea that you two...don't have a future together.It's really hard, but he'll understand you eventually...Give him time.
2007-02-26 14:00:47 · answer #10 · answered by Cory 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋