Sister in-law-inappropriate or not?

Question

My husband's sister seems to always want to sleep with my daughter, it's weird because she'll come over to play with my daughter who is two and she'll really only play with her for just a bit then before you know it she takes her to a quiet place & nap with her while she massages my daughter. I've told my husband on several ocasions that I wasn't overly comfortable with this and he supposivly spoke to her about it.yesturday she was playing with her in the basement and I didn't hear anything for a while so I went down and they were lying down on the couch and she was massageing her. I said "I thought u guys were playing, we don't need to be laying down right now and I made it clear to her that I thought it was inappropriate but her reasoning was that's how she and my daughter bond and I should stop Power tripping. I don't see a reason why a aunt and niece have to bond that way & I don't even see how a Mother can have a power trip over parenting her child.

My sister in-law is 27yrs old she's not married, no kids and no boyfriend. I do believe her clock is ticking but that i believe is no excuse. She IS a massage thearpist. The problem i have is that my sister in-law goes to my mother in-laws house who watch's my daughter when I'm at work so I can't be there all the time. I just don't what to think, it's fine to want to be close to your niece but why like that my sister is very close to my daughter but they don't do that sort of thing and the only reason I would think it acceptaple is if she was babysitting her or putting her down for a nap or bed. My nephew and I are very close(my sister's son) but I don't have to do any thing like that to prove I love him. Yes I do snuggle with him but i don't make it a point that we are alone or anything. And no I was not abused as a child. I think it's weird, is all. I just needed some opinions because after so many incidents of walking in on that it's got me a little freaked.

Answer 1

I would only let your child see her in supervisied settings nothing more. You don't know if anything is going on but it is better to be safe then sorry.

Answer 2

Hi,

When I read the details to the question. I grew very concerned. But I couldn't figure out I few things because it was not specfic enough. So I'll try to answer the question without knowing where the in law was massageing her and the postion in how they were laying. I can only imagine something wrong.

I think there is a few things you must consider here. THe history of the sister in-law. Was she touched in the wrong way when she was little. If so I would keep a close on thier so called bond.

Whose idea is it to lay down, is forced or tricked upon your child to want to lay down. Not to mention, why do they play out of your veiw. Is there anything to hide?

The in-laws comment on power tripping sounds like a teenager, perhaps, I'm sure though. Many people cross acuse to get them out of the spot light of trouble. A sort of defenise tacket when somebody knows thier wrong. So I wouldn't worry about that part. I would try to maintian the real problem and that would be your child and your inlaw. Make sure you do this when confronting your husband or in-law.

Lastly- I know I few people who have been molested. And when it's by a family member, they said, they never trusted any one in thier family ever again, they always think something is a trick, or don't allow bonds to get very close with anyone because of being molested by a family member. I think untill you get this worked out. I would be a meanie, and keep my child away from her untill a few things have been uncovered. This is your child , you must protect her at any cost. don't be afaid to be a bitc--h. So good luck, I hope I could help

Answer 3

what do you mean by massaging? it sounds very suspect to me. Remember, you are the mother here and regardless of how your sister in law thinks her and your daughter should 'bond' is irrelevant. If you feel she is behaving inappropriately then you have to put a stop to it with no discussion or argument, what you say goes, you are the parent. The sister in law has no rights over her niece at all. Put your foot down with your husband and don't allow your daughter to be alone with this woman, your baby is only two and can't tell you if your sister in law is harming her, she needs you to take control of this and protect her. Tell your sister in law that she may not take your daughter alone anywhere, and the 'power trip' is called being a good parent and if she knew anything about kids she would know that at least. The sister in law is very jealous of you and your child. She wants the same authority over your child as you have, she sounds very insecure and needs help.

Answer 4

I adore my niece and I dont see her all that often so when i do I play alot with her, I also nap with her to. Doesn't mean Im a pervert!, I love her to pieces. Maybe your jealous cause she has a better bond with your daughter then you do.
Some people that have been molested as a child always assumes it is happening to there own when they think something ain't right. At age 2 my daughter knew that her privates were her's and nobody is allowed to touch, no matter what, and she needed to tell me if it happend, or of she has any secrets to tell me.
To make yourself feel better simply ask your daughter in a child way what they do together when they nap, Kids dont know what molestation is at age 2, she will be honest most kids are at that age.
If my brother in law ever came to the conclusion that i was hurting my niece in any way shape or form cause i was loiving, and spending time with her I would LOOSE IT!

Answer 5

You're right, that is inappropriate. Regardless of whether she sees anything wrong with it or not, you are the mother. She can say whatever she wants but the bottom line is, it's your house, you make the rules. If she can not abide by those rules, she doesn't need to come over and "play" anymore. It's really that simple. Like any other "playmate" she can go home if she can't follow the rules. You have the right to set the boundaries of what kind of interaction your daughter has with others, and that is your responsibility as the parent. Anyone who can't respect that, doesn't need to be around your child in the first place.

Answer 6

She's your child and you have every right to protect her. Don't let anyone tell you you're wrong for doing so.
Definitely keep a close eye on them, but don't assume that your sister-in-law has bad intentions.
I have a 2 year old niece who I'm very close to. We take naps occasionally and I'll rub her back until she falls asleep, and it's completely innocent. But it sounds as if there might be something more to your story. Let it be known that you aren't comfortable with the way the situation is now, that's the only way things will change.

Answer 7

I would tell "auntie" that if she continues the "nap & pet time" with your daughter, she will not be allowed to see her anymore. It is not power tripping, it is protection. Mother's instincts are pretty keyed into their children. If she doesn't like the rules, she can stop coming over.

Put your foot down with her and do the same with your husband if necessary. YOU are the only one who can protect your child and if you are having bad feelings about it, then there must be a reason!

Answer 8

Well, I would have to admit I would find that a bit strange myself, but people do things for many different reasons.If I were in your situation I would try to review this aunts whole personality in a whole and not just this one thing.If she seems weird and creepy on all aspects of her personality then I would have to agree there is something wrong.But on the other hand some women just have a natural mothering in them and it causes them to coddle too much sometimes. Either way,weather she thinks it isn't wrong or not you let her know it makes you uncomfortable and don't wish her to do it,so she should listen to you and refrain from it all together out of respect or expect to not be allowed around your daughter.

Answer 9

I think this is really inappropriate. That's not to say I'm convinced it's sexual, although it may be. I come from a big family and have lots of nieces and nephews and have never felt it necessary to "bond" with them by napping with them.
Your daughter doesn't need this kind of attention. Either your sis-in-law is a pedophile or she's living her dreams through your daughter. Don't allow any more napping and ALWAYS be present when she's with your daughter, no matter how inconvenient it is to you. I'm with you. I think it's weird.

Answer 10

She could just be lovey-dovey like that and maybe you're not used to it because your family wasn't like that. How old is your daughter and how often does the SIL see her?

Either way...if her actions make alarms go off in your head, act on your gut feeling. If it makes you uncomfortable, you're completely within your rights to put an end to it. You might have to make sure all her visits with your daughter are supervised. And have an age appropriate conversation with your daughter, too. You can ask her how she feels when she naps with auntie..if she likes it or would rather not.

Good luck.

Answer 11

You as the parent have the primary responsibility to provide care, protection, love, etc for your dear one. You have that awesome responsibility. As you do so, ignore what others may thing, or what you anticipate they will say. Your child comes first and foremost. Follow your instincts and prevent any possibility that there might be something bad going on. You take a stand and do not let what others think have any impact on that stand.
Do the right thing!