guilt over uncles suicide...?

Question

This is so stupid but my uncle commited suicide 4 years ago and i fell so guilty im only 14 and i know there is nothing i could have done and its not like i was majoraly close to him its just that its all my family's fault. aunts, uncles, granny , cousins e.t.c, we wernt there for him like we didnt shut him out but we never offered a helping hand, they never new this was going to happen but still, he was an alchoholic and his life had fallen apart, he was so much fun, i can remember the funeral and when the news was broken it was ureal , the family were devestated..since my mum has died 3 months i am extremaly upset and unable to cope as ive no brothers or sisters and my life style is screwed up but it has brought back memories of guilt from my uncles death its so stupid but i just feel so guilty, what will i do o and to top it all off i think im going insane.............

btw i wasnt very close to my uncle i loved him and all but he wasnt a major part of my life.

Answer 1

HI......IT MUST B A REAL TUFF TIME 4 U RITE NOW......but u have 2 get a grip of urself....here are a few steps 2 gettin bac the life u deserve
try yoga....when i have problems i take a deep breath and do praanayam its very easy and calms down ur senses.
next get into new activities.....u can try cooking classes or maybe craft and art workshops 2 distract u frm ur greif.....trust me what happened wasnt ur fault and u dont deserve the blame
u can also talk 2 ur family.....remember....u r at a tender age where u might make rash decisions......DONT WOORY.....LIFE GOES ON WITHOUT HELP....BUT SUMONE SUMWHERE IS MADE JUST 2 HELP U OUT.....MAYBE I JUST DID
SMILE A BIT AND CHILLAX

Answer 2

OK, you are NOT going insanse. You are going through LIFE. and yes at times LIFE SUCKS. I am so very sorry for your lose. Both your mom and uncle. And I know you have heard this before but time heals all wounds. I know this doesn't help you, but believe me in time things will come together. You are young yet and not many people to talk to. Not from what you posted but if you can find a friend that you can sit down with. Maybe they have a program in your city or town where you can get a mentor. Mentors are big help to people in times of need. Do you have a school counsilor you are comfortable with, Try him/her. And again I will say you are NOT going insane. I lost a brother when he was only 49 years old. I know this isn't the same. BUT what I did was put together a motorcycle run for him. I got his ashes from his wife in VA, and brought them back to MA. His widow was present and we did the run. We went to a park that he liked and I spread some of his ashes. We went on a long ride and went to a beach in another town. On this beach we spread more of his ashes. We returned and had a party. I kept half of his remaining ashes and his widow took the other half. I now have a nice urn from the funeral home and I have his ashes in my house here in MA. I also found that I would sit down and have a talk with him. And every now and then I do sit down and talk with him. He passed away in 1998. He was a biker as I am a biker. I know this may NOT be your lifestyle but there is so much you can do to deal with this. I hope I helped you out some. Take care and God bless. Any question drop me a line.

Answer 3

HEy gurl! You are not alone. I also lost my uncle a few years ago when I was little. I had a very close relationship with him also. Whenever I start to get sad or depressed thinking about him I pray. I don't know if you are spiritual or not but it works for me. Try talking to him before you go to sleep, tell him you love him and miss him. If that doesn't work try writing a letter to him and put it under your pillow or in your bible. It'll make you feel alot better to get your feelings out and don't worry... He's listening! FYI I also lost my father when I was nine. Death never gets easier to cope with you have to take it one day at a time. Your not alone. Everything will be okay!

Answer 4

The thing you need to keep telling yourself is that no one knows what is going to happen before it does. It was your uncles choice to commit suicide and leave your family with lots of unresolved feelings. It is his fault that he died, no one elses.

I wonder if your not looking for a way you could absolve yourself. I think you feel like losing your mom was uncontrollable, but maybe if you could have saved your uncle from himself it would change what is happening in your life. But you can't go back and even if you could there are no guarantees. You can't bring them back, but you have to realize that you don't need to forget them either. you loved them both and you can take your best experiences with them and not only use them to make you feel better when life is hard, but you can use them to help others kids who are younger than you and don't have that awesome family to help them have amazing experiences. Make this situation a positive thing rather than this negative depressing thing. you get what you give and right now you need to make sure your not sabatoging yourself because it is easier than dealing with your moms death.

Good Luck

Answer 5

Slow down a minute your uncle chose to take his own life, you were 10 years old there was nothing you could have done realisticly I think you are going through alot of grief right now with your moms death and it is bringing up memories of your uncles death but dont blame yourself and get into that viscous cycle its unrelenting and very very self destructive

Answer 6

Guilt is something that a child should never have to cope with. You can't stop death even if it is suicide. People live for themselves not others you have to remember that.

Maybe this experience is something that will help your family grow closer talk to them about what you have been feeling.

I am sorry for both of your loses, but I hope you don't give up!

Answer 7

i am so sorry for your losses. please believe me when i say
it is not your fault. sometimes even the best doctors can't tell when someone is going to kill themselves. they hide the signs so well, you just don't know. i hid the fact from my mom for 10 years that i had thought of it. if they don't show signs you can't know,if you don't know you can't help please, talk to a counselor at school, a youth counselor at church , a adult you trust, a family memeber or your family doctor. i know that what you're going through is real h*ll. to be so young and have this all come up on you is not easy to handle by yourself. there are plenty of people who really care about you and you are not going insane. you've been dealt 2 major blows in your young life and it will take time. time to grieve, time to heal, time to remember the good times and time to sort things out. by talking to one of the above mentioned, it will help. if at first you get no results from 1 person, go to another. don't give up. in the future your experience will save someone else from the same predicament. please take care of yourself. you are loved and preciuos to your family

Answer 8

Lots of churches and counseling services offer grief support. Sounds like you need to talk with professionals about this to move on with your life. Grief recovery classes will help you.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Your 14.
You should be playing hoscotch or dressing up, playing with barbie, etc.
Anything to get your mind off of it.
The more you sit around reading this message board, the more depressed you will become.
It is better to get your mind off of it and move on.
Do something, anything to get your mind off of it, because the more you think about it, the more worse it becomes.

Go do something.