Money as a wedding gift in UK/USA?

Question

I've noticed some strong views on requesting money instead of a gift at weddings... What i want to know is-these people with strong views- are you in UK or America?The reason I ask is because different areas obviously have different ideas.In my experience (I'm in UK) I have received many 'gift lists' which request money instead of a toaster as the couple may have already set up house and struggled to do so.Some ways have been to list things they want to do on the honeymoon,and I was happy to know that I paid for a meal for my friends one evening,rather than gone and picked some towels they don't even need.These people are my good friends and were very grateful.They are also the people who will be invited to my wedding and I too will be making similar requests- I'd rather know I'm on my way to saving for a much needed new bathroom than wade through boxes of toasters we don't need. What is wrong with that?Its not a demand, its an idea for people and totally OK in my area/friends/family

I think the people who are so against it and would be offended by it- are totally missing a point-as one of you said, its a custom not an obligation. Of course its a custom, who said its an obligation??? The fact of the matter is when you get married MOST guests are going to want to give you a gift of some sort. What is so wrong with maing it easier letting them know what you want/need most? Its not TELLING anyone to give you money, its telling people that that is what is most useful. Sure we'll get nasty tacky presents that have been carefully selected from the pound shops from some people (well maybe not as my family/friends are much kinder) but at the end of the day, these are the same people uncles auties etc who could never be bothered choosing me a gift at birthdays and stuck a tenner in a card- obviously didnt offend me- or them. I was thinking it was down to culture differences and hoping answers against were from USA. MAybe they're just people who don't get invited to weddings

Answer 1

We have asked for money as wedding gifts, we've lived together for four years and have everything we need. buying more things would be a complete waste when what we have already is good enough. We've explained this and said that money would be spent on day-trips and experiences whilst we're on our honeymoon, we even said we'll take tons of pictures for everyone to see what we've done. Everyone is happy that we'll spend the money wisely and not waste it. Oh, and I'm in the UK and don't know anyone that would strongly object to giving money. We have said that if there is money left over when we get back then we'll either spend it on things for the house or put it towards another holiday or snowboarding lessons (and let everyone know)

Answer 2

I am UK and think is definitely rude and tacky, tacky, tacky. If you are only having a wedding to get presents or money it's a farce. If you are so hard up either don't have a wedding with all these guests and if it is parents/family that are paying think it would be okay to ask them for the money instead. Although I am saying all this if I know a couple already have a home I most probably would give them a money gift, after asking them it they would find it acceptable. There are actually some couples that consider been giving money a way out of taking the trouble to choose a gift. You will no doubt find if you are having a wedding it will turn out you do get money gifts but if I was asked for this, ESPECIALLY included in the invitation I would be disgusted. Certainly with close family that is a different matter all together. I do understand in lots of countries and cultures that money is the normal thing to give but not here. Problem is you will find some people attending the wedding do find it acceptable but others will not so do you risk offending some guests, after all if you don't have a list and they want to give money they will? Best wishes. PS Remember too some people may have already got your gift because it was what they could afford and perhaps got it discounted. Also all people don't have ready cash and perhaps intended putting your gift on a credit or store card....just a thought!

Answer 3

I'm in the U.S. and was recently asked to give money as a gift to an old friend. This is very, very tacky. (By the way, I'm 24 and in no way an etiquette queen/prudish. In fact, I'm pretty shameless about most things...) Although I obliged and cut her a check -- I did want to get her what she wanted -- there are several things wrong with this request.

First off, you invite friends to celebrate your wedding, not to bankroll your happy day or new life. (I would have to make a lot more friends, in a much more higher income bracket, for $ wedding gifts to make any dent in a downpayment on a home!) If you're so hard up that you need to ask friends for money, why not just skip the expensive wedding?

Money is a weird, touchy subject in the U.S., and asking for money as a gift can be so restrictive to lower income friends. A monetary gift literally puts a price on how much you mean to your friend (or at least it has that appearance).

Money is also impersonal. I bought another friend a beautiful wine decanter that she and her husband loved-- that might be around decades from now. Money? I doubt the grandkids will be seeing that...

I totally understand the desire for a stack of Hamiltons (as we say here) over the toaster oven. Hell, I made out like a bandit just for graduating from college! All the same, most people will view it as distasteful if you ask for cash (ok, quick etiquette note: NEVER mention gifts on your wedding invite, and never send out registry information, because it makes it sound as though gifts are expected. Guests are supposed to contact you or your family members or friends if they want to buy you a gift).

But some people want to give you money, and they'll give you money regardless. As for the rest? If you're determined on turning a profit from your happy day, and you're in the U.S., I suggest registering at Nordstrom's fine department store. They have an amazing returns policy.

Answer 4

Im in the US and my fiance and I would love to get money as gifts! We have also registered for gifts at a few stores, but the family knows that if someone asks what we would like, the can tell them the stores where we registered and that they could also give money or a check. Paying for the wedding, a honeymoon and a new home all at once takes it toll financially, and any money that the bride and groom recieve is very nice in addition to gifts. I wouldn't place the request on an invitation, but just let it be known through word of mouth by the families and close friends.

Answer 5

I would say wait until someone asks you what you would like and then ask if you could have vouchers for a specific shop, e.g. Debenhams. My stepbrother and his bride asked for Argos vouchers because there was something specific they wanted.

I imagine if my partner and I married, we might ask for vouchers too. I am sure people wouldn't mind you asking if you might have the money instead of the gift etc if you ask very politely and explain what it is for. I have heard of people going to a lot of trouble with wedding lists and even cutting out pictures and providing all sorts of ways of identifying the precise items they would like to receive, only to have guests ignore it completely and buy them something they hated, and which was given or thrown away immediately, which is sad. Personally, I would rather receive something that cost very little, which is chosen carefully, than something that cost a lot which I loathe.

So in short, I think there is nothing wrong with asking for vouchers or money gifts for a wedding, provided you don't put it in wedding invitations or proactively request it before being asked. Be prepared too that some people might prefer to choose and give an actual gift.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Well, I'm in the United States, and from California even, where people are more free-thinking and liberal than in a lot of areas. Still, it's just considered rude and tacky to ask someone to give a particular type of gift. The fact that someone is attending the wedding to begin with is gift enough. They are honoring you by attending your wedding. To suggest they bring a gift or to even hint that they should is rude. To take it further and specify the type of gift is ruder still. To take it to the extreme and to ask for money is, in my opinion and the opinion of many people I know, the epitome of rudeness.

You have valid points in your question because surely those who wish to give a gift would want the bride and groom to find use of that gift so that their money was well-spent. Still, suggesting what to give is being presumptuous. What if the person attending the wedding can't afford to give a gift and money is expected? If they give a cash gift but can't afford to give very much, then their gift may appear to be insufficient or the bride & groom may think the giver does not value them too highly. Gifts of money should be reserved only for those who wish to do so. Now if someone ASKS you for gift ideas, then that is an entirely different story. There is nothing wrong with the bride, groom, family or friends of the couple to tell those who ASK what some gift ideas are that would be most appreciated. Okay, you asked. This is just my personal viewpoint from where I live and how I was brought up.

Answer 7

I live in the UK and generally most people I know do give money gifts as presents. It's a person's preference but I think it is becoming alot more common to give money rather than presents unless they have a specific list of items they want.

Answer 8

I'm from the UK. There's nothing wrong with that. My partners friends were going to Austrailia for their honeymoon and asked for spending money which I thought was a fair reason to receive money instead of gifts as a wedding present, esp since they'd been living together for a while.
I would prefere money or vouchers for a specific shop too, I have everything I need, I asked for my dinner to be paid for me on my birthday dinner and no-one (apart from 1 toffee nosed friend) objected as they know I'd be difficult to buy for.
I used to think it was rather greedy to do a gift list but since my toffee nosed friend did 1 for hers, I see her point. But I personally would have asked for vouchers so it didn't seem like I was pressuring anyone into spending too much on me.

Answer 9

For my wedding i asked for Argos vouchers. That way people could give as much or as little as they wanted and i could get what i needed - brilliant!

Answer 10

I recently got married and we recieved far more money that gifts, and we weren't offended. I think that people are upset about this are the guests that are cheap.