Am I normal?

Question

I don't like confrontation. I don't want people to be angry with me. I don't want to annoy anyone. I look at the way other people act and try to avoid doing the things that annoy or bother me--asking 5 times if I'm supposed to do something when I've been told 6. The problem is that I feel like a doormat. I express my wishes about little things--don't cut my daughter's hair without my permission. They are ignored. I am told to "get off my high horse." I know that they are only little things, but it hurts my feelings. I feel like I'm constantly going out of my way to make everyone else happy and comfortable. I want to keep doing that. I like caring for others. I enjoy making others happy. But it seems that when I stand up for myself--asking why someone deliberately went against my wishes--I'm chastised and told that I'm too impatient and to demanding. It seems that I say, "Just forget about it" to myself every day about something. And it's making my heart hurt.

Answer 1

Just this bit:
[
I don't like confrontation. I don't want people to be angry with me. I don't want to annoy anyone. ]

is soo wrong.

You're right. You are a doormat.
You confuse giving in with being nice.

Stand up for yourself.
It may seem hard, especially if people expect you to be more like the doormat they know.

Ignore their small opinion about matters that concern you. You have a right to your opinion, as much as they have it to theirs.
If somebody cuts your daughter's hair without your permission: Explode. Wind yourself up and explode.
Somebody thinks you're unreasonable?
Tell them. Tell them they're entitled to their own small opinion but when it touches your life, they can put it in a very small box and mail it to China. Because they're not touching your life with their wrong ideas.

If you try, you'll find out something very odd and new - that people don't dislike you if you stand up for yourself.

Answer 2

Hi,
I think you have been given some really sound advice here...Normal is a over used word that means very little in this manor.I would venture a guess that you have surrounded your self with strong ( I use this word for lack of a better one ) people who sometimes don't seem to recognize other peoples feelings, and sound harsh and hurtful....You on the other hand go out of your way to consider others as best you can both for your self and them- neither is abnormal if you will. I think some counseling is indeed what you need,because it will help you put it all into perspective and help you be more assertive about what you need and how to verbalize that so people will hear you better.Counseling is a place you get tools to build your life the way it will make you and the ones around you happier and healthier. Yes it is also used for serious situations,but the average person benefits from it as well. Please think it over,and give it a go.Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Hi, I have so been where your at and I love to help others and see people happy but my problem was that I was always worried about everyone else all the time and never worried about me and how I felt and the thing that would hurt the most is doing something for someone and they don't appreciate it what so ever they just complain about anything and everything and then have the nerve to sit and put me down when all I ever did was try to help. Man I stopped that, I mean I still love to help people but I only help those who really need it and I know will appreciate it, Why should you sit there and wear yourself to the bone to make sure everyone else is happy and look at how they treat you, hey why not stop doing anything for those who aren't appreciating you what so ever and see how they like that. Take some time for you and stop worrying about everyone else ALL THE TIME!

Well good luck and take care.

Answer 4

normal is a broad term so let's not use that. You are definately insecure about something, probably back to your childhood. You must learn to take a stand and that doesn't mean being ugly or mean it just means be true to yourself. Don't let people walk all over you, but people will treat you exactly the way you allow them to. This change doesn't always happen over night. You need to take baby steps on taking a stand on somethings and as you see progress in those areas, spread it on to the next. You may want to consider getting some counseling or at least read some self help books. Watch "The Dog Whisperer" on the national geographic channel. His advise on how to train animals very much is about how we as humans behave. I hope this helps a little bit. You are a Child of the Almight God and should treat yourself as such. Be blessed

Answer 5

It sounds like people aren't used to you standing up for yourself and this is probably why you feel like a doormat.

You just need to be assertive at the right times and don't back down. It might take people a little time to get used to this side of you but, that's for them to work out, not you.

You can be a nice person but, remember this, you cannot please all the people all the time so, stop trying. You're only making yourself more miserable in the long run.

P.S. Exactly what is "normal" anyway?

Answer 6

Perhaps you should re-evaluate the way you stand up for yourself? I'm the same way about confrontation, etc. Sometimes when I express my wishes about a certain situation, it comes out sounding defensive or whiny, due to the fact that I do feel too passive sometimes. I really have to watch what I say and rehearse it before hand so I sound assertive and not b*tchy.

Answer 7

NO. sort of. you should not worry so much about making other people happy. in the long run what will you benefit from it? those people will not care how nice you were to them. people know they can walk on you so they will. try a new social activity, or some counseling. or try speaking up and putting your foot down . start small.

Answer 8

Yes, you are definatly normal, Have great motives and are areally nice person from what I have read. You have every right to be upset when you ask something specifically and people don't respect your wishes as you do thiers. I say kindly explain to them how it makes you feel when they deliberatly go against your wishes ect.

Answer 9

u r normal dont take stress.