My bf and I stared goung out about a month ago (hes 24,im 20). We had sex for the first time on Valentine's day, and he went really quickly,we ahd it again later that night, and the same thing. he sid i 'over stimulated' him. I wanted to have sex last tuesday and he kept saying he was too tired. we ended up having sex quickly and then he stopped and just wanted to cuddle. This weekend, we went away with a bunch of friends. we had our own room and he still didnt try anything. On saturday night, i really wanted to,we were about to then he said he ws tired again. I DONT GET THIS!!! Not to be conceited, but i am a pretty girl.Ive overheard his friends telling him how hot they think i am, so i dont think that hes not sexually attracted to me. So then what is it? I think we should be having more sex than this...I just dont know how to bring it up without sounding weird. I just REALLY dont understand what the problem is!!!!!!!
2007-02-26 02:42:00 · 27 answers · asked by kimmy_717 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i got the same problem on the other hand so what's wrong with this picture
2007-02-26 02:48:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl.. youre in trouble!!!
lol...
Ok..heres my thinking ... take it for what its worth.
Youve had sex with this guy. It hasnt been often, and he said youve overstimulated him. Dont be surprised by this! Sometimes there IS a "breaking In" period to sex play. Where each of you get used to each others bodies and what stimulates each other. However... I saw between the lines that you seemed a bit dissapointed in how quickly it went. Hes more than dissapointed. His whole world is shaking at its foundations! Here he is.. finally got a gal both he and his friends say is "HOT" And hes not living up to his end of the deal. And its bugging him. However, to compensate, hes using excuses that hes tired, and cuddling thinking it will show you his softer side. At 24, he can go on and on and on... so ... let him! Be the aggressor, let him know that you understand its gonna take a few "shots" to get it down! Even Robin Hood didnt hit the target ALL the time!!! If ya want more of him.. keep it (and him) up!
2007-02-27 13:33:01 · answer #2 · answered by amadeus_tso 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is insecure because he shot too quickly and is worried it will happen over and over. It could also be a lame power play to make you chase him, but I'm going with insecurity.
I think you need to get him alone sooner (not at 1:30 am when the party winds down), limit his alcohol--he can drink (and probably should a little) but don't let him get wasted. Finally, start hinting that you can't wait to get him alone while you are still out or hanging with friends--build the anticipation.
If none of that works, he isn't ready for you in one way or another. He may be too inexperienced, shy, or gay to be with you, or maybe he isn't into you physically, but since all his friends say you are hot he doesn't want to give up yet. You may need to give up first.
2007-02-26 10:51:43 · answer #3 · answered by wayfaroutthere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all---don't rush him--you haven't been together that long--he's probably really embarrassed that he didn't perform as well with you on his first time, and he's feeling the pressure. He's probably very nervous, and the best thing you could do is give him a little time before you freak out.
If you see that this problem is still happening, maybe you could try prolonging foreplay that way you can get the pleasure you need as well.
And also--remember---sex isn't everything, working on your relationship helps the sex get better as well.
2007-02-26 10:48:06 · answer #4 · answered by K P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you're putting too much pressure on sex. Just chill out and back off of him, if you care for one another, it'll happen and it'll get better. Geez, just wait till you're married, sex aint that big of a deal. Granted, it is important, but maybe he just lacks the physical and emotional experience. Sex is about learning. Try learning about what it takes to make both of you have an enjoyable time. It's not going to happen over night, that kind of thing takes a while. Be patient.
2007-02-26 10:50:21 · answer #5 · answered by mixedup 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so you dont get how if he cannot last it hurts his pride. that everytime he cannot last with you makes him feel less and less about himself. how about we related this in a way you can understand. everytime he thinks he disappoints you its like gaining ten pounds in a week.
so you need to tell him outside of the bedroom and far away from sex that its okay for now that he isnt going the distance and that you can work on it together.
he might need to take one out of the chamber before so he can calm down
he needs a little more time beforehand to adjust to the level of tactile stimulation that he isnt used to
and a device or cream may be in order or a visit to the urologist to make sure its not a physical thing.
2007-02-26 10:49:51 · answer #6 · answered by gsschulte 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
usually there are 2 main reasons why a man won't have sex with a woman, 1). they are not sexually attracted to the woman, or 2) they are insecure about something!
Since u say u reckon he is sexually attracted to you i'm guessing it's the second reason. it could be that he's probably one of them guys who come prematurely, and he probably is embarrassed by this therefore he is not over-keen on having sex with you.
I suggest you talk to him and find out what's wrong. be caring and loving towards him and make sure you don't make the situation uncomfortable for him.
If you would like any further advice on sex and relationships, feel free to email me at sex-etc@hotmail.co.uk
2007-02-26 10:51:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you make a big deal about him finishing quickly? He's probably embarassed. Discuss it with him and let him know it's okay, make him feel comfortable. It has nothing to do with the way you look, so don't worry about that. He just doesn't know how to slow down and is now scared of it happenning again.
2007-02-26 10:50:41 · answer #8 · answered by adriana_971 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is embarrassed because you excite him so much that he comes early. The things you can do are to take sex more slowly, concentrate on building up his orgasm rather than getting too vigorous too early, so do things that excite him and then let him cool down. And get him to buy thicker condoms or possibly those that help with erectile dysfunction etc.
2007-02-26 10:47:44 · answer #9 · answered by thingfishy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some guys can't hold it,for whatever reason.If he cares about you though.He would take the time to help you orgasm.i.e. oral,fingers.After you orgasm then intercourse could start so you are both satisfied.
As to him not wanting to.He may be embarrassed and think you are not enjoying sex.Or he is gay.That would be the only excuse for not wanting to have sex.
2007-02-26 11:19:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he may be self-conscious about it happening to him so quickly, so he's avoiding doing it again. Otherwise maybe he feels weird about having had sex this early in the relationship.
2007-02-26 10:48:04 · answer #11 · answered by Smiles 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋