Is it more painful to loose a child at birth or years later ?

Question

Is it less painful at birth b/c you haven't really bonded with the child with the exception of the baby being in your womb for 9 mos or more painful loosing a child in later years when you've spent all those years bonding, playing, living, laughing, enjoying life with the child.

Please respond only if you've experienced either one. Thanks for your honest answers.

Answer 1

At birth because you never knew what could have been and you always wonder what if I had done this or that differently. But if I had lost that same baby at 30 I would have been as hurt love knows no time that bond is there from the moment you touch you stomach and know a little life is in your hands.

Answer 2

I have lost a child at birth and to me it didn't matter that I only got to bond with her while I was pregnant, she is my daughter. Regardless if I ever got to hear her say a word or watch her take a step. She is and always will be my child, and that is the most heart breaking thing any mother should have to go to.
Me and her father had a beautiful funeral service for her and her name is Destini Rae.
Losing her absolutely devestated me. I had to be put on medication, I contemplated suicide once. It was a very dark period in my life.
Whenever someone asks me if I have children, I always say that I have 2. One in heaven and then my son is 6 1/2 months old.
I celebrate her birthday every year.
So to me, if would be just as painful either way. She was my child from the moment I found out about her and I loved her from that moment.

Answer 3

I can't imagine you'll get many answers to this one.

Losing a child is probably the most painful experience a person can have in life. Whether or not that child has lived in the outside world or not or whether the child is newborn or 30 years old, the loss is beyond horrible.

You cannot really compare the losses and grade them on the scale of pain. The loss of a newborn is partly painful b/c you never had a chance to make any memories of his/her outside life. And to lose an older child....I can't even go on.

If it were inevitable that I were going to lose one of my children, I'd rather have as much time w/ that child as I could. Every day I knew him/her would be a blessing and a beautiful memory to save. Though the agony would probably not be any more endurable either way.

Answer 4

I think regardless of wether you've been pregnant and lost a baby or wether you've given birth and watched your child grow, loosing a child at any stage is emotional and painful.

For anyone who knows, from the moment a woman finds out she's pregnant ~ the bond starts and that bond is never broken. Even with the passing of a child. They will forever be in your heart and in your mind.

Answer 5

My daughter died during delivery due to a ruptured placenta,
I nearly died too
However where she is buried there is a 16 year old girl who was murdered,
I'm quite sure that my pain is nothing compared to what the lasses mother is going through,
However you can't compare grief,
Everyone grieves differently,
I'm still grieveing, every birthday or xmas when she isn't here,
It took me years to even consider my child as a real person, so many people treated her death as insignificant, I was even told 2 weeks after that I used her death as an excuse to turn on the waterworks,
My baby was a real person, she weighed 7lb 1oz
However I'd rather go through that than losing my 16 year old, who was murdered and kept in a freezer for a year.

Losing a child is the worst thing that anyone could go through,
The pain doesn't fade you just get used to living with it.

Answer 6

every parent who has lost a child, whether it has been born or still in the womb, will tell you of the mind-numbing grief that envelopes your life. you never get over it, it is in your heart and soul.
while i only miscarried once, our daughter miscarried time and time again, to the point that the nurses in the e.r. would be almost as emotional as we were. it was heartbreaking to watch these two young people try to have a child. and to watch their sorrow every time they lost one.
it is not nature's natural order for a child to die before a parent, thus it is devastating for any parent to lose their child whether he/she is six weeks old, 18 years old, or 50 years old. as for miscarriages they too are heartbreaking and i don't think you can compare the two losses.
do you see the sorrow and pain here?
if you allowed e-mails i would have e-mailed you privately to tell you that personally i think you should withdraw the question, it is far too personal and intrusive of you to ask. please.
it dredges up deep heartache and raw sorrow that we would rather not examine too closely. especially when your question is asked just out of curiousity.

Answer 7

i havent lost a child that was being born, or one that was born, but i did have a miscarrage so i know that as soon as you find out that you are pregnant, you already starta neverending bond...the two pains are completely different from eachother...one you want to know what the child wld ahve been like and the other, you wonder, what if i would have been there with them or something like that...it also depends on how you deal and handle that kind of stuff...it is solely based on your personality...not how old they were

Answer 8

wow....there are only opinions in these answers but it depends on what you would dwell on…the fact that you didn’t even get to have a bond with your child. Or the fact that you had a bond and now you don’t. ether way its soo F’ed up of a situation.

Answer 9

I lost my son when we was 2 months old. I don't think it would have been any easier at birth or at age 18. I don't think it would have been harder either. It is a tragedy at any age. I have met many parents in the years since my son past and we all have our own stories. All horrible to have had to deal with.

Answer 10

I think whomever said you can't compare grief hit it right on the head. Your biggest pain is your biggest pain, and it's not comparable to anyone else's biggest pain.

I've had several late term miscarriages. To me they seem as painful as if one of my older children had died, that person is still dead, I still have lost all the potential for future life with that person.