I'm 2 months preg with 3rd child and my husband wants me to have an abortion, says he was done at 2 kids?

Question

I need advice, I refuse to have an abortion but my husband of 5 years doesn't want this baby. I have a 3 yr old and a 2 year old and I'm pregnant again. I wasn't planning on getting pregnant again it just happened. This is causing tons of stress in our marriage because of the conflict of my views against his. He didn't want anymore kids at all but he's the one who did the ultimate "oops" but he won't accept responsibility, Can anyone give me some advice on what I should do, I would never kill this baby, I'd leave my husband before I did that. Thanks!!

Answer 1

It's so nice to finally hear from a woman with some backbone! THANK YOU for not allowing yourself to be manipulated by your husband and for refusing to kill your beautiful baby. Mothers are made to protect their children, and I admire you for doing so.

Really, all I can suggest is sharing some information with your husband (see links below). As you know, you cannot control his attitude, only your own actions. Don't allow yourself to be bullied. Just stay calm, if you can, and reason with him. When he sees that you are firm in your resolve, he may come around. If he doesn't, at least you have found out what kind of man he really is. Chances are that when he finally sees his new baby girl or boy, he will wonder how he could have ever wanted you to kill him or her.

You may be able to receive a free ultrasound at a crisis pregnancy center in your area. If your husband goes along and sees the baby, perhaps it would help. You can find a center in your area by calling 1-800-395-HELP or visiting http://www.optionline.org/advantage.asp . If you are in need of other types of free assistance, they can help you with that as well.

Show your husband this information:

Photos and Video of Abortions, Including 1st Trimester Abortions:
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-A-4-video.html
http://www.cbrinfo.org/Resources/pictures.html

Photos and Facts About Prenatal Development:
http://www.justthefacts.org/clar.asp
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-A-2-prenatal.html
http://www.studentsforlife.uct.ac.za/foetal%20dev%20photos.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/3847319.stm
http://www.lifeissues.org/ultrasound/11weeks.htm

Abortion Risks:
http://afterabortion.info/complic.html
http://www.abortionfacts.com/reardon/effect_of_abortion.asp

Abortion Deaths:
http://www.lifedynamics.com/Pro-life_Group/Pro-choice_Women
http://www.afterabortion.info/news/abortiondeaths.html
http://www.nrlc.org/Factsheets/FS15_pilldanger.pdf

Good luck, and congratulations on your pregnancy. Regardless of the current circumstances, your baby is a gift.

Answer 2

Some men react that way at first be patient he might come around.Just keep reminding him what if you aborted the other two he would never know the joys of being a father.He's just probably worried about finances.
This is your body he cannot tell you what to do,and I highly doubt he will leave you if you decide to have a 3rd.
Let him talk he will get over it .My husband was the same way with our second he did not want me to get an abortion but he was not as happy as me when I found out
that I was pregnant .Once he saw how happy I was
he turned around,and once our daughter was born he was
more excited then me!Give him some time to absorb the fact that there will be a 3rd coming into the family
and all he can do in the mean time is go and suck a lemon!..lol

I wish you all the best,Don't worry too much ,take care of yourself.God Bless all of you.Just be thankful that you can
conceive,there are so many out there who would love to be in your shoes right now!

Answer 3

I was in a similar situation. We decided to keep the baby, but it is a struggle to make ends meet sometimes. Remind him that abortion is NOT a form of birth control....I am a firm believer of that. The only time I feel that it is appropriate is if it is medically necessary....being that the life of the mom or baby or both is in grave danger. Have you considered adoption? Is there a family member that could help you out with the baby, or with the older ones while you adjust to life with a newborn? I would suggest that you seek family counseling through Planned Parenthood. I know that you are hormonal and emotional right now and you really need to know that your husband supports you, but your body is yours, and he CANNOT force you to have an abortion if you do not want one. If it does come down to him leaving, then you know the real measure of the man you married. Why doesn't he want anymore children, anyway? I pray that you will find peace in this situation and comfort in knowing that you made the right decision by keeping the baby.

Answer 4

First, you need to stop playing the blame game. Unless he literally raped you, you both committed "the ultimate oops". There are forms of birth control for men AND women to use, so if you had no intention of having another baby, you should have taken responsibility for your own bodies and used a condom, gotten a vasectomy, been on the pill, used spermicide, etc. It's hypocritical to say "he" did it and "he" needs to take responsibility.

Okay, that aside, I'd tell my husband to back off. If he felt that strongly about not wanting another baby, he should have made that clear BEFORE you got pregnant, and taken steps to prevent it. He shouldn't be demanding you get an abortion now.

I had a friend do this once, and it was mainly in the initial "oh my gosh I can't believe this is happening" phase. Once he adjusted to the idea of another baby, he was fine, and wouldn't change things now for the world.

Ultimately, while you should be sensitive to what he's feeling (don't try to get him to look at baby furniture with you right now), he can't make major decisions about your body. That you say "you could never kill this baby" makes me think you're at least moderately pro-life. To demand that you go against all of your beliefs AND to violate your body like that is wrong of him.

Temporarily, try to just let the issue lay low (as much as possible). You're in a permanent fix, so one of you will have to bend on this, without making the child suffer (either in utero or in life... my husband's father had demanded that my mother-in-law get an abortion with my husband, she refused, and my father-in-law has been AWFUL to my husband for his entire life, letting him know he "was supposed to be aborted").

Best of luck to you. Hopefully (and probably, in my opinion), your husband will come around eventually.

Answer 5

I would pray for your husband if you have that sort of faith. (I'll pray for you.) It's your choice and you'll have to live with that forever. Keep the baby. No matter what things will get better if you do.

I'd seek out a counselor so that you two have a neutral place to discuss this and an objective person who can prevent anyone from saying something too mean or hurtful.

My mother didn't expect to have my little sister (though my father didn't urge an abortion). They really worried about money, but things were never financially impossible for them. I can't imagine our family without her. She's now 26 and such a good sister, daughter, friend and worker. Someone who adds to every group she's a part of.

Answer 6

i understand that maybe he only planned on having two children but he has two children and knows how they are brought into the world. i understand that sometimes things happen in life that we arent prepared for but THATS JUST PART OF LIFE!!! i do understand your husband is upset cuz he thot two was perfect and i understand his fears of having a third child especially when he didnt want anymore but.....he also knows how babies are made and he obviously took the chance of having another baby by not getting fixed! i have five boys ( three by my exhusband and two with my fiance )and now my fiance and i are expecting our sixth (well third together) and it wasnt planned, AT ALL, and we were both devestated at first and had really thot hard about an abortion cuz IT WAS # 6 but then when we talked more about it (and it took bout 3 or 4 months) we decided that we couldnt do it. We love our boys with all our hearts and couldnt imagine life without them, and as hard as #6 will be, we knew that we would feel the same way about this one!!! now i am 27 weeks in my pregnancy and we found out that we are having a girl..........!!!!! so, as upset and scared as we were, now we are glad that we didnt decide to go through with the abortion!!!! tell your husband that there are people that have been in the same situation (or worse) and they have all made it thru, he will love this baby just as much as he loves the other two and sometimes life just doesnt turn out the exact way that you have it planned!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

Let's start with how you ended. If you'd rather have the child (and keep it) than keep your husband, then you need to consider divorce. However, what effect would that have on your other 2 kids? Are you willing to put THEM through divorce?

OK, so let's assume that divorce isn't a good option and see what else you can do.

It's clear that you have a strong feeling about not having an abortion. That's your right. If you want to carry the child, you certainly should be able to.

However, if your family is going to be hurt by having another child join it, you should at least consider putting the child up for adoption. It sounds like neither of you wants the child, so adoption seems like an option that would be acceptable at least to you. If your husband objects to this option ("I don't want you pregnant,") then you're going to have to assert your "rights" over your body. He'll need to suck it up. Therapy is 100% needed for the two of you to deal with THAT issue, if not others, that will come from this.

Under no circumstance should you blame this on him. You both had sex. Unless he out-and-out lied to you about something, you should not blame him. Nor should he blame you.

I am VERY against bringing a child into a family that doesn't want it. While you both may fall in the love with the child, when it's born, you may not. Or he may not. And forcing him (or yourself) to love the child is cruel. Much crueler than aborting it, in my opinion. So, if you do have the child, make sure that you and your husband are dedicated to loving it. If not, then get the adoption rolling now.

Lastly, I want to reiterate something. You have 2 other kids. Think of them when you make the decision. Are you willing to hurt them to satisfy your own needs?

Answer 8

My daughter's father and I are expecting our second child together in April. Its been a constant struggle because he didn't want the baby and I did. He thought I should have an abortion but like you I couldn't. Some days he's cool with the pregnancy and some days he's pissy. It's stressful, it hurts, I cry but I wouldn't have made any other decision. So it's really up to you. Be strong and know in your heart that you can raise a baby on your own if you have to then you should have this baby.

Answer 9

Hi, this decision must come from your heart too...the baby has a heartbeat, how do you feel about that? I think in your heart you know the answer.
I would say to your husband what you said in your question...namely that you are going to leave him rather than have an abortion. If he doenst understand now, he may never understand.
Honestly, I just have to say these are the kind of core values that everyone should discuss before getting married and having kids. But better to find out than not at all
Good luck

Answer 10

in a few weeks it will be too late anyway to have an abortion. don't let him make you go against your beliefs. he needs to understand it takes two to create. sounds like he's not ready for the take on of another little monster, but the joys of it are oh so great. we weren't expecting child #3 either and my husband actually said he would prefer a clean house to that new baby. bastard. so don't let him change your mind and the resentment from his point of view will rise as will yours if you do have an abortion, which is o.k. to do. but adoption is always a better choice in your case. i'd keep it. too bad for him...if he doensn't want it, he doesn't need any of you. good luck with that.