My father passed away suddenly on February 10th after battling with stroke for 7 years. I brought my father up from the state where we lived for 12 years because I wanted him to be closer to me, his only daughter. My family wasn't going to visit him check on him or anything. He had been living in an assisted living facility with no visits for almost 3 years when I went down to get him to bring him up here closer to where I live so that I could visit with him several times a week. His death has hurt me very much but I am happy that we did get to spend the last 8 months of his life together.
Now my relatives back home are being critical of the way I handled his final arrangements. There was no life insurance policy so I had to take out a $4000 persoanl loan. I wanted to have him buried in NY beside my mother but was financially unable to afford this. So in the end I wound up buring him here in the state where I live now. Was I wrong for the way I handled it? Serious advice!
2007-02-26 02:29:30 · 21 answers · asked by joyce 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
ignore your family when you had to take out a personal loan to bury him.
they are jealous cause u handled it so well.
Just tell them you handled it the best you could.
U need to still get along with them, dont hold grudges against each other.
ignore their rude comments and change the subject to something positive.
sorry about the passin of your father, he is in a better place.
God bless ya
2007-02-26 02:35:55 · answer #1 · answered by sunflare63 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are the next of kin and you had the right to make the decisions regarding his final burial place. To have him buried in the state where you live is nice because you can go visit his grave more often. My late mother is buried in a cemetary five minutes from my home and I am able to visit her grave very often and talk to her and bring flowers. I miss her terribly but having her resting place near is a great comfort.
Your relatives have no right to criticize you as they didn't care about him or visit him when he was alive so don't let them put you on a guilt trip...You had the final decision and I think you decided correctly for your father's final resting place.
2007-02-26 02:40:11 · answer #2 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the best you could do and should be at peace with that. You are right, at least you got those last 8 months together! It's really sad that everyone else let him go unnoticed, unvisited for 3 years and have the gall to criticize you for doing what was best for him while he was still living and condemn your handling of the burial when he was gone. You did the best you could which is more than the rest. Remember also, his soul is gone, graves are only for the living, to give them somewhere to go "remember". If you carry that person in your heart, you don't need a grave to visit so who cares where he is laid to rest? Go in peace.
2007-02-26 02:39:06 · answer #3 · answered by Kwk2lrn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I feel that you handled it the best way it could have been. You must of loved your father very much. Im sure he was very thankful and proud he got to spend his 8 months of life with you. I think what you did was brave and a selfless act of love. Keep your head up, you did what was best for him. If your other family had cared there wouldnt had been a 3 year gap without visits.
2007-02-26 02:35:41 · answer #4 · answered by jdnsmama1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In life there are 1s that do what has to be done with little help from no 1 & there are 1s that do nothing are the1s to criticizes complain the most. You did what you felt was best for your father, Your a great daughter let no take that away.They could of helped you but choice not to.So
don't let them vent there could of should of late ideas on you.He was your father not theres.He is very proud of you. Hope this helps Glad i could help.Keep smiling through this trying time .
2007-02-26 02:49:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Joyce you are an angel and your family is despicable. Don't ever second guess yourself. You did a kind and loving thing to bring your Dad near you to be able to visit with him. You took out a personal loan to bury him. Where were they and their money if they were so concerned with him being buried next to your Mom? God bless you. Just ignore them...they showed their true natures in the midst of your time of need with criticism instead of love and understanding.
2007-02-26 02:39:12 · answer #6 · answered by butrcupps 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well what was his last wishes? I maybe mad also because if he has a burial plot next to your mothers then he should have been buried there but i guess that is your choice and i suppose that if your family members are critical just tell them they didn't help you out finacially with the arrangements so you did what you had to do.
2007-02-26 02:35:07 · answer #7 · answered by Denny O 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Joyce I have worked at a funeral home alot, my brother-in-law- is a Mortician and has his own funeral buisness. Personally we thought that the funeral home should have helped you out more by getting him back beside his wife- Okay aside from that they didn't, so listen-You were there for him, at least he didn't have to leave this world not knowing that he had someone that cared for him. That's the important thing. We see this kind of scenario all the time, the family wants to step in after they are dead, and they have had nothing to do with this person for years or sometimes NEVER!!! To hell with them, go on and do what you have to do. I bet not a one of them have offered you a penny. They probably think there is something in it for them or they probably would not even care. They probably even think you did it to gain something from his Death. I bet ya!!anything.!! Ignore them. Ignorance -Plain Ignorance at it's Best!! Good Luck- Freind-And God Bless You for Caring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-02-26 03:05:10 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with the way you handled things. Families can be so...I can't think of the word I want.
It amazes me to hear about family members who can't be bothered with the "loved one" while he or she is withering away in a nursing home/assisted living facility. But, boy, once he/she passes they are right in the middle of the mix. Makes me sick.
You hold your head up, smile when they peck at you, and know you did the best you could.
2007-02-26 02:34:21 · answer #9 · answered by Blue 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Joyce, you did the best that you could. Just remember that your father loved you, and I'm sure that he is happy wherever he is now.
Don't let your family bring you down---sometimes they just need a little time to actually think about what they've said versus their initial reaction. Sometimes people just don't think before they speak.
Just focus on your father's happy years, and your own grief--and maybe your family will hopefully come around.
2007-02-26 02:55:12 · answer #10 · answered by K P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋