what can you do when the own child is lying to you?

Question

we have a 6 yo girl and she has lied to us now several times. allway when i was knowing the truth i told her how upset i am but didnt punished her for it. is that the right way ore should i use some punishment, like no outdoorplaing, ore no tv ore maybe a spanking.
the problem now is that the lying is getting worser and worser.

Answer 1

At six years old she is probably giving you an answer, any answer. She may be reading your body language or just saying whatever comes to mind. If I am correct, (check your fav developmental or parenting books) it is a time for make believe and kids just start differentiating between real, play, pretend, lies and truth. Unless she is a child prodigy, she is probably not manipulating you. However, it does need to be stopped (just like thumb sucking is age appropriate but has to be stopped). Dont run off to a counselor just yet. This is the first of many opportunities for you to develop your own parenting/punishing style. The thing is, every time you figure out what works, it will change because she will get older...lol....If you've been reacting, she may be enjoying that, sort of like a new toy, and any attention, even negative is good for kids this age.....Put it in perspective, take a breathe, call her on it, point out the truth and tell her you expect more from her.... let her explain... her explaination will offer a wealth of info..... Lastly, I dont think that taking away privileges is at all beneficial at this age...I think its ridiculous (IMO). Teenagers get that not young children. Young children understand sitting in a chair, now, a swat on the butt, now, a stern NO, taking away the offending toy or whatever, being put to bed NOW....for as many minutes as she is old.... in this case 6 mins. The lying is probably getting worse because its a power struggle...kids need limits and they will push for you to show them where they are.... if you aren't sure what you should do, then you are sending a message that creates a power struggle and ups the ante (best way I can describe it). If she has other acting out behavior then you need to take this more seriously. Otherwise, this is just a chance for you to set some good limits, be a good example, teach her about telling the truth and make her feel secure (kids who know their parents mean what they say are more secure and confident). All the best to you....

Answer 2

We will start to treat EVERYTHING the child says like a lie for a day or two afterward, and show them how they lost our trust, how important it is to have that trust. Big sister smacked you? Sorry, I don't believe you. (I would discipline the sibling in private if it *was* true, though.) They get the point pretty quickly. It's no fun to be thought a liar every time you open your mouth, especially when you're telling the truth and it's important to you.

In a couple of instances, I have played a trick on the child, to teach them how it felt to be lied to. I started talking about some fun activity we were all going to do, how much fun we were going to have (maybe Chuck E. Cheese or something we don't do often). Then at the end of the day when the time came, "Oh, sorry, I was just lying." Then talk about how it made them feel, and explain that this is what others feel like when lied to.

This worked for our family. Good luck with yours!

Answer 3

I would throw away a toy every time they lie to you.

They will usually catch on pretty quick.

Take away the television (preferably permanently - that stupid box rots childrens and adults minds).

Develop a system of rewards for when she tells the truth and is good. And a system of punishments for when she lies and is bad.

You don't necessarily have to resort to violence, but in extreme cases a spanking may need to be administered - always remember that as a parent, you need to always make sure to restrain yourself from taking out aggression on your child in form of spanking. It is supposed to be a punishment for them, not a release for you. Most of the time a swat or two on the behind gets a kids attention pretty fast - some will require slightly more.

The most important thing to make sure you do is to make sure that your child knows who is boss. The easiest way to do this is through consistency. Don't wait until you are fed up with the childs behaviour and then explode in a violent rage. Instead, nip it in the bud, and let them know what behaviour is acceptable, and what will result in punishment.

Answer 4

Definitely need some sort of punishment here. Otherwise she will just think, oh wel if they find out the truth my parent/s will tell me they are upset and everything will be normal again. Therefore, leading her to believe that there are no consequences for this and that she can do it again and again!

Its sound horrible, but find something that you know she enjoys doing and if she lies stop her doing it for a period of time or something. Tell her she can't play with friends or that she can't have friends over, take a toy away. Just a few examples.

Answer 5

She needs to understand why lying is inappropriate behavior. She also needs to know that she should be truthful, even if it means she'll have a price to pay.

The punishment should relate to the crime - what did she lie about? Tie the punishment into that issue. Although I am not against spanking, I think that it's only effective if used immediately. At this point it's too late to be useful.

Answer 6

Call her out on it and be upset.

Discipline is necessary along with an explanation on why it is wrong. Repeat it if you have to and have the discipline last longer each time.

I am on the side the spaking doesn't work it just scars. But I would think that taking a favorite past time or toy away would catch their attention.

Answer 7

Look, next time she lies, tell her how upset you are and take away something she likes (like tv or outdoor playing) and explain to her that if she goes on lying, you will take away something she likes each time she does...
I`m guessing this is just a phase and it`ll pass.
Don`t spank her unless she doesn`t respond to the loss of privileges or she tells a really huge lie...

Answer 8

hannes m,your situation is serious.Consider yourself as an integral part of this not only in finding a solution,but finding out what is causing it.Not accusing you,perhaps you might have put her in a position wear she had no way out.Before you start punishment find the cause it may not be her fault.Talk (nicely,calmly,lovingly) maybe she needs to be sincere and does not know how to go about it.Give her a chance,you are her best teacher try to teach her the best way you can with honesty.

Answer 9

Don't give her the opportunity to lie! Instead of saying 'did you do this?', say 'I know that this happened, what can we do to fix it?'. Knowing that there are ways to resolve the problems, rather than fearing punishment, will encourage her to tell the truth and ask for help.

Answer 10

I think that she needs to see consequences for the bad behavior otherwise she will never learn that its not acceptable. Try no TV when you know that she has told a lie and do this every time, (always explaining why) once she sees that she is losing privileges then it will soon stop.