Question about 7 year old step daughter?

Question

I have two boys ages 7 and 12 and they are good boys, my fiance has 3 children who are 2 girls ages 12 and 7 and a boy who is 8 they are also great kids. My concern is the 7 year old little girl..my boyfriend referrs to her as a baby and talks baby talk to her and there is a lack of dicsipline with her. She gets away with everything like if you ask her to clean her room that she has trashed she throws a temper tantrum and says she is a princess and everyone else is suppose to clean it for her, and her father will make the older sister clean it. I beleive in kids eating all there dinner if they do they get dessert and if not they dont get it, all the kids will eat so they get there treat if the little girl doesnt eat she throws a fit because she has it in her head she is a princess and her dad gives into her. Her mother and father spoil her so bad and I feel that doesnt teach her anything his excuse is shes a "baby" and needs to get spolied. I am a parent and I disagree.

If I mention this to him he gets on the defense but I feel the little girl is going to grow up in this cruel world expecting things to be handed over to her and life isint that way. Do you think they are causing more damage to her by letting her get away with murder then if they were to be alittle more strict with her or is this a form of lazy parenting??

I have a 7 year old boy that is my baby but I dont treat him like a baby I treat him like a young man and he does things I ask without attitude or tantrums but him being the same age as my boyfriends daughter wonders why diffent rules apply to him and her??

All the kids are sick of it my two and his oldest two. His 12 year old daughter told me her 7 year ols sister said "I know Im spoiled and I love it because I am a princess mommy and daddy said so" The older sister was not happy and told her dad and he laughed and told the older daughter she is just a little baby.

Answer 1

Tell him that when he gets a phone call at 300 in the morning from the Youth Detention Center, at the age of 13 or 14, she's the baby!

Answer 2

bwahahaha! My first response was this really compassionate post about talking and empathizing etc, But really, what a load! She's seven, my three year old does more than she does.

I'd say next time she's over at the house, whenever someone says their hungry, you throw a temper tantrum and say YOU are a princess and princesses don't cook. Don't clean or do the dishes. Don't make anyone clean...just have some time where no one is doing anything. Your fiance will have to put up with it, and if he gets mad tell him too bad. If the baby gets to do it, so do you!

Or you could go the other way, on Saturday morning, don't tell anyone but when everyone else has finished cleaning, then pack them up and take them out to a funpark or lunch or something. Dad can stay home with the brat......I mean, baby.

And you might reconsider marriage. I mean, this isn't going to go away until your fiance sees it as a problem. If he's willing to discount five other people to fulfill the brat, then I'm not sure it'd be a healthy relationship for you or your children.

Answer 3

i totally agree with you!!! if the parents want to treat this kid like that there really isnt much you can do without getting your boyfriends back up, some parents cant see that treating your children like this is a form of abuse. she will never learn if her parents are always there to step in and do things for her.

if i were in your shoes i would not let the older child tidy up-if the father wont make the child do it then make him do it-he will soon get so fed up of this he will make her do it. Ignore the child when she behaves like this and if the father gives in to her at dinner time then simply say quietly that you think he is being ridiculous and that you wont stand and watch him ruin a good child with his behaviuor and walk away.

when the child has a tantrum simply tell her to stop showing off (an excellent put down which works with children and adults allike) and then ignore her totally.

above all remember that they have made her like this, she may be playing on it but its not her fault so dont take it out on her, even though i can appreciate how much of a brat she sounds!!!

Answer 4

i think you have every right to disagree. What has happened with driving that into her head is terrible, i think the process of getting that out of her head will be very difficult. I strongly suggest that this matter will need some counsilling. 7 years old is long gone from being a "baby".Good luck and best wishes for you.

to respond to your added details: Yes i completelyr think that doing this will cause more damage then to be strict because, if she acts like this when she grows up in the real world, she will meet the harsh reality That life isnt as sweet as shes getting it. I think your husband should read this, let him know that its time something shall be done.

To respond to bluejuliets answer: We all know she has no say and final determination on how the child is raised, but out of her kindness and common courtesy, she is trying to influence this child as best as she can, because she would not like to see this child grow up and be pathetic, Therefore we are assisting her on what she could do, not pointing out facts she already knows.

I STRONGLY suggest you talk the dad into gettign counsilling, because it is very unhealthy for the whole family to keep living like this, so professional help may do the things that need to be done or your familys relationship may crumble to dust. Once again, please let your husband read these answers if he does not listen to you.

Answer 5

It"s sad in how they're raising her, they are not teach her the value of life. They might think that are not doing any wrong, but it not fair to the other two children. What will they if the other two start to behave this way -- They might punishment they for acting out this way-- So the major answer to this is that it OK for the little to do this acting out... Beside she is to old for those Tantrum..... As a parent you need to show the value in how to behave and teach your children that in life you need not to throw FITS to get what you want... Has she get older in life she going to think that this is the way to get things done in life. These our the biggest mistake that most parent do ,because he or she is the baby.... VERY WRONG !!!

Answer 6

You're right. She shouldn't be shown any special treatment over the other kids. She needs to learn now that sometimes you have to do what you're told because the teens are right around the corner, and I'm pretty sure you can imagine where it'll go from there. I suggest you talk to a family counsilor or maybe just talk to her father and explain to him that she has to be responsible sometime. It might take a while, but it's important that you start as soon as possible. For not just your sake, but for the little girls to.

Answer 7

I hope your fiance's kids live with their mom!
If your fiance insists on treating his daughter like a princess, and letting her get her way with tantrums, there's nothing you can do about it. She' s not your child, and you'll have to do your best to have a good influence, and for your kids to be a good influence; but, unfortunately, you have no say in how she's raised or disciplined.

After reading your details, I'd have second thoughts about getting married and getting yourself deeper into this dysfunctional family. This doesn't sound like a guy with much sense, let alone parenting skills or respect and concern for you or his own children!

Answer 8

I am not a parent and still disagree together with you....

you definitely need to talk to her dad and confront him. Ask him if he is really intending to ruin his daughter by behaving the way he does. Is he really intending to take the easy route with her? Step in if you can, try to make him see what he is doing. One very good strategy I saw was a mom doing exactly what the kid was doing. Totally unexpected. Throw a fit because you don't feel like cooking or something....trash all the neatly folded laundry... see if they like mom behaving like little 7 year old... not to confront the 7 year old, but to shake awake daddy. Good luck in untangling these tough things!

Answer 9

By definition the word spoiled means "rotten, no good, useless." Spoiling a child is not a means of showing love, but enabling them to become an unproductive, self centered, unliked member of society.
It is pretty common for the youngest daughter to have her father "wrapped around her finger" and I wouldn't want to diminish the feelings of affection he has for her. But for her own good He needs to be more attentive to her growth and maturity. In addition, he will seriously damage his relationship with the other two children if he treats her differently.

Answer 10

If your husband is getting offended when you talk to him about this, then I say, really sit down and think of a way to approach him about this subject. You are right! She will grow up cruel and expecting everything to be handed to her. Just talk to your husband from the heart and really try to not get offended by anything he says and this will make to conversation or argument go smoother. Good luck! You have every reason to be concerned.Also, as proof that he is possibly damaging her... Show him all of our letters!!!!