Does being 'on a break' just prolong the hurt until you just 'break-up'?

Question

Ive been with my girlfriend for 6 years. We roll along smoothly for a while and get on amazingly, but we have not been having regular sex for about 4 years. It started tailing off slowly but its now at least a year between times we make love; she has told me it is something that once worked in our relationship, but no longer does.

I have accepted this and can live without it. We are moving away together in a few months (regardless) and she has asked to go on a break as she isnt sure she is in love with me. We had a discussion about it, we were both crying, she said she absolutely loves me, never wants to have me out of her life and doesnt want to be with anyone else. I feel the same, but she is not sure if this is enough.

Im so confused. If we both love each other and the idea of the other person being with someone else kills us shouldnt we stay together? And also, dont ALL relationships get to the stage where you arent as excited by each other, but you love each other deeply?

Answer 1

yep

Answer 2

My opinion - A relationship can survive even if the sex life is only minimal.

It sounds like your relationship is being affected by the scourge of humanity and relationships in general - The Ego.

The ego is an entity which operates in most human minds (unless you have become enlightened) and its sole purpose is to make you want MORE. It does not care what the more is, it just knows it wants it. Do you ever feel like there is a hole or a void inside you? An emptiness, a yearning for more? That is the ego inside you and it is the main cause of suffering in people.

It is also the cause of the dysfunction in your relationship, although it sounds like your girlfriend is more possessed by the ego then you are. It is not that you are not enough, it is just when the ego has something eventually it will become used to it, take it for granted and want MORE. At the same time it is scared and does not want to lose you because of the risk that it does not achieve this elusive MORE that is so desperately wants. It is a viscious circle and I know it sounds cold but this is how the ego operates.

The good news is that when you are aware of this, you can manipulate other ego - Take away yourself from her ego, don't be there for her when she needs you, remove yourself from her and her ego will soon be dying to have you back and it will probably restore your sex life as well.

Egos bore very easiy - This is why "nice" guys rarely keep girls. They are always there for the ego, the ego will become bored and will emptiness will return so the ego will search for more.

The other thing you can do, which is a bit harder is to dissolve your own ego. This can be done, and the best guide for this would be through the books of Eckhart Tolle.

If you are possessed by the ego you will never be satisfied, always on a never ending search for more, a search which is futile and impossible to achieve.

Good luck, Your story saddened me and I hope it resolves well for you.

Answer 3

Yes, a break is a stepping stone to a break up. It is an attempt to minimize the pain of a break up, but it just keeps the wounds open and to avoid the issues. It is time to deal with the tears and deal with the problems in your relationship. It is time to find some counseling.

Answer 4

Okay please don't be blind I am going to tell you the truth if you all haven't been having sex and now she all the sudden wants to take a break then what that break is translated into is," I want to go back out with you because we've been together so long but I am going to see someone else for a little while to see if I like him better" sorry babe

Answer 5

Your relationship sounds more platonic / brother and sister to me not girlfriend and boyfriend.
this is not a relationship you are more friends than anything else.
i do think the wanting a break is more lets split and remain friends, not remain lovers

Answer 6

good question, sadly i think the answer is yes.