My husbands nephew and I take turns taking care of my mother in law I get her one week and he the other week, then it's my week again, and so on.. Well this past week was my week and she has been mean and insulting me all week and my husband doesnt say anything to her.. I don't know if it's my place to say anything to her or is it his place.. He says he don't want to say anything to her to start an argument.. But I don't think I deserve to be insulted in my own home.. I have been nothing but nice to her.. And lately she has been treating me very bad.. What should I do?
2007-02-25 23:15:52 · 17 answers · asked by Tracy 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Last July she broke her hip and now she uses a walker, other than that she is in excellent health.. She doesnt need 24 hour care. I think she just wants someone to wait on her hand and foot like she is an invalid..
2007-02-26 01:21:33 · update #1
Your husband should talk with his mother. This is his mother, his problem. If he refuses to tell her to stop being rude to his wife, then let him know that he'll have to start taking care of her himself or other arrangements will need to be made. You will not take care of her and then be insulted. That will make him realize you're serious and won't be walked all over. I can't imagine your husband being so self-centered to allow his mother to be rude to his wife. You are being so kind and caring to take care of his mother! You teach people how to treat you. If he won't handle his mother, then let him know you won't take care of his mother. My husband had to really be tough with his mom when she got rude. Finally, she learned how to treat me and my husband and we all got along. It's easy for your husband to say he doesn't want to upset her because she's not being rude and upsetting him. Be assertive and strong. You're a very caring wife and daugther-in-law and deserve to be treated better. Demand better. You can do it. Good Luck!
2007-02-26 01:00:37 · answer #1 · answered by Kimmi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay this is a bit tricky, But I do understand where you coming from, we have been living with my in laws to be for over a year now, we will be moving into our own place this weekend, BUT b4 we got there my hubby to be and I had endless fights because she (mom) use to undermime me all the time, I eventually went to him and said: DO SOMTHING NOW OR I WILL! and he sat her down and had a talk 2 her.It did help somewhat, BUT I also suggest you sit her down & ask her what have you ever done to her, and is there anything U can do 2 make her more comfy. I tell you this now, she will b so blown away, she wont know what to say & her attitude might just change.
2007-02-26 07:53:28 · answer #2 · answered by shellerjc 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's very tough to have to take on being the care giver to an elder. I suggest you join a support group online. Look under elder care or caring for a loved on, there might even be a group that meets in your town. There are a lot of groups out there with people going through similar experiences, you can see that you're not alone and the people will have tried and true advice to give you. Because they have been there and done that.
Never forget that you are doing a wonderful service for her and humanity in general. We can't just throw our elders away, they don't want to be in the position they are in. I hope when yours and my time comes to be taken care of because we can no longer do it ourselves that we have someone to help us.
Good luck!
2007-02-26 07:28:21 · answer #3 · answered by that dead girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I need more information......
What is her health condition and how old is she.....will she even remember talking to you that way?
Is this a battle that can be won or is it a worn out record.
If your hubby won't say anything I think I would respect his wishes.
However I in return would make little comments....Like I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you or respond with oh really, I see...the less said the better.
Maybe your next visit be a better one, I think she is very lucky to have you....just maybe she will realize that too.
Sometimes we all have bad days....
Best wishes
2007-02-26 07:45:15 · answer #4 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since she's in good health and uses a walker then she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself. Hubby just doesn't want to see his mommy go home. My husband is like that with his mom when it comes to choosing between us. If she is being rude and disrespectful in your home then tell her now that she's back on her feet maybe it's time that she went home and started taking care of herself. Make her assured that it's not about kicking her out, but getting back her independence. It will make both of them happy instead of an arguement of ... she's kicking me out.. or I can't believe ur kicking my mother out... Talk to her in saying woulldn't it be nice to be able to cook in your own kitchen and sleep in your own bed... Do your best in making her feel like she can be back to herself in her own place and be less dependent on the two of you. It's what I would do if it were me!
2007-02-26 10:25:02 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wait a second here.
This woman is in YOUR house, YOU are taking care of her, and she is insulting YOU? Do I have that right?
When did this become not your place? Do you not live in the home and contribute to the home? How long have you and hubby been married? I should think that by now, it would be your place.
Tell her whatever you feel like telling her, including not to come back if she is so unhappy there. Thats what I did with my mother in law.
2007-02-26 07:20:21 · answer #6 · answered by royalpainshane 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Hi I think that you should say to your husband that if he is not going to talk to her about her behaviour towards you that you are. tell her that it is your house and that there is no need for her to be rude towards you . you are only trying to help her,and would appreciate a bit of respect and common courtesy . remind her that if if there is a problem with her coming to your house every second week for you to care for her that maybe an old persons home might be more to her liking.
2007-02-26 07:34:20 · answer #7 · answered by helpless mum 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe grandma needs her own place and a 24 hour nurse..
How would you feel going from house to house every other week. She is old and it seems in need of 24 hour care. I would and/or you would not be a happy person about that.
Get grandma a place of her own. Asseted living or her own apartment. SOON !!
2007-02-26 07:20:40 · answer #8 · answered by LadyCatherine 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would go up to her and told her,"look lady,this is my house and with all the respect for being my mother in-law,if u are going to keep with the insults its better for you to find another caretaker because Ive had enough of your attitude",and I would walk away.
2007-02-26 10:17:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would confront her and say "look this is my house and you are insulting me in my house and i help you out ,out of the kindness of my heart and the love i feel for your son" ~ and also insist that your hubby step in and confront her as well and he needs to tell her look i love this woman and when you come to our home u insult her and are nasty and rude to her even after she does a lot for you and we will not tolerate that anymore~ that is what i would tell her if i was ur hubby~
2007-02-26 13:47:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋