How do you feel about people who never want children and why?

Question

I've been labeled all sorts of things because I simply have no desire to become a mother and know I'd make a bad one so I'm curious as to why people feel the way they feel.

Answer 1

The choice to have a child or not is hard enough with out people questioning your decision.

But ultimately the decision is ours and ours alone. And we should not be made to feel guilty for having or not having a baby. And most certainly not have to explain why we have chosen to do what we have.

I admire woman & men who know their own mind enough not to have a child, after all it is a life time commitment.

Being a parent is never easy! I love being a mother, and we would have loved another child but it was never to be. But we were constantly asked why we only had one child, and when were going to have another, and was often told I was being selfish, for having only one child.

Your not a bad person for not wanting a baby, any more than I am a bad mother for not having another baby.

People need to mind there own business.

Answer 2

I have more respect for people who think things out and make a decision not to have children, than I do for people who decide to get pregnant in order to get housing, retire at 16 and not be too bothered where their kids are at night. No, I'm not slagging off all young mothers. Some have no choice in the matter, some are great mothers and bring their kids up to be good people. Some of my friends were mothers at the age of 16, 17 because "it was a good idea at the time". Suffice to say they only had one child each ! I became an auntie at the age of 15, babysat a lot, and knew then that kids are an enormous responsibility. I wasn't going to rush out and get pregnant because babies are cute to look at. I absolutely love my nephews and nieces to bits and would do anything for them, but can hand them back at the end of the day. I was never labelled, nor should anyone else be. Besides, it's we childless ones who are always there for babysitting !

Answer 3

Some people or groups of people (families usually) have this idea of spreading their genes and providing a "legacy"to their offspring. Usually this is based in the fact that when they get older, they want someone to continue their dreams and to which they can rub their knowledge off on, to make their experiences in life justified and worth while (i.e. they can guide their offspring through life their own way, and instil some of their own views, and see where their experiences could help a child). It's simply convenient when it's "your own" child. However, this is just a mindset and an urge - there really isn't any underlying moral theory behind it, so not being a mother is not "bad," but different. People feel weird because not being a mother is usually, perhaps falsely, related to being a failure in life, thinking she's not good enough to have a child, or not trusting her own morals. It also, might connote that she is generally not caring, which is usually fallacious. In fact, everything could be totally different in reality. People who judge without knowing the situation shouldn't bother you. But you should have your reasons, and it appears you do. People should leave it at that. You also don't really have to explain why.

Answer 4

The way I see it is if you never want to have children, don't!!! i have a friend who feels the same way, she is 55 has a long term boyfriend but they never married b/c neither wants to have children so they don't see a need. They have a very fulfilling life together and love caring for their friends and families children but that is enough for them. They both love to travel and feel they would not have be able to enjoy their times as much if they had children to worry about. There is no reason to feel bad because you simply don't want children, imagine if you had them to make others feel better about you, you might end up terribly miserable. To each her own, you should be able to enjoy your life regret free! Good luck!

Answer 5

Listen don't worry about people labeling you
I respect anyone that can make that decission because my girl it is not easy
I have 3 I am crazy about them they are wonderful my only wish was that I was never married to their father (because it is a constant bottle since we have been divorcejust so he won't pay child support) put that aside
it is your life, your decission & if you feel that you can not handle the headache of having a child don't at least wait until you are ready
a child can bring joy & sorrow
YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON FOR KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT
I wanted to be a mother and eventhough I have 3 boys the younger one is 9
since I have remarried & my Hus don't have any our wish is to have at least one more
Most people want children because it is a since of belonging
of having this special reason why you want to live
for example I fight cancer because I want to be alive for them
Don't worry too much about what people think of your decission
Good luck

Answer 6

I think it shows great maturity and sense of self to say that you don't want children, not just you but anyone. I think too many people have children because it's the next step of adulthood and not necessarily because they want to become a parent. They just think it's what everyone expects them to do and they don't understand what becoming a parent really means. My sister and I have had this conversation many times because she understands how much children require and she admits that she is unwilling to give up the things that she wants because she would have to put the child's needs first. I say good for you! You know who you are, you know what you want, well at least what you don't want, hahaha, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Answer 7

I run into this alot. I don't even like discussing children because inevitably, at my younger age, the topic always comes up "So when do you plan on having kids?"

"Kids just aren't for me, at least for quite awhile yet... possibly never."

"How could you not want children?!?! (insert psychotic babble about how women should have children and how they're such a blessing)"

"Moving on...."

It's frustrating. Not only did you just pry into my personal life, but you're attacking me for it after I give you my answer? *sticks her finger down her throat and makes a gagging sound* It was your decision, ...hopefully... to have children. It's my decision to not have children. I respect your decision, so please respect mine.

What I really don't understand is getting attacked for "not being responsible enough" to have children if I don't want children, and being "too selfish for children" because I don't want children... Those are other accusations I run into that don't really appeal to my sense of logic. I'm responsible enough to avoid a pregnancy that I know I would not want. How is that not responsible? How is it selfish to not want to bring a child into the world that I would not be able to care for? I'm so selfish that when I do decide I want children, I'd prefer to adopt toddlers as there's plenty of children that need good homes without bringing more into the world. Infants are easy to adopt out because these same people calling me selfish absolutely have to have an infant, rather than giving an older child a good home. It's selfish to bring a child into the world then have a nanny raise it because you're too busy to spend time with your own kids.

One phrase comes to mind "Pot calling the kettle black", I think most of these accusatory mothers are women that are jealous and resentful because they never really wanted children and were pressured into it by their boyfriends/husbands, regardless of how much they love their children. You can love something or someone but not want it in your life. It seems kind of catch 22 in writing, but it happens. Too many women think with their uterus rather than their head, have a child far too early or simply aren't prepared, then regret it later and are now stuck having to care for an infant, that becomes a toddler, then becomes teenager.. etc.

I dunno. I could go on. I just avoid talking about kids.

Answer 8

Not everyone has the desire to become a parent and there is nothing wrong with that. However, I do have a problem with parents that have kids and do not want them. Just because you do not kids does not mean you would be a bad parent....you just do not want them. Just be proud of who you are and the choices that you have made and will make!!!

Answer 9

Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. There are plenty of children in the world. The last thing the world needs are more unwanted ones.
Children are such a big commitment, They really do interfere with the chance to make a career for yourself. You are doing the right thing.

Answer 10

My husband had a vasectomy (he had no previous children) before we got married. Some people treated us like freaks because we weren't having children. It was really weird how some people were actually offended by our choice not to have kids. I always said it was because 'misery loves company!'....*L*

But after 8-9 years of marriage we changed our minds and had the vasectomy reversed and now we have a 3 yr old daughter.

I certainly wouldn't recommend that you have kids if you aren't ready or don't want them because it's hard work!