My sister is angry and upset with me because I've been avoiding her, what should I do?

Question

She's 29, healthy has no children. She's been on the dole for two years, doing a two hour a day part time cleaning job, complains she's tired and stressed all the time. Her life revolves around the job centre, not looking for a job but signing on etc.
After 2 years of this and lots of arguments I just can't bear being around her anymore, everyone in the family worries how she'll end up if she carries on like this but she's not taking steps to change her life. She was calling me yesterday but I didn't answer because I knew there would be an argument judging by the text she sent me just before the call...
I feel that I have to back off as she has the tendency to blame everyone else for her missfortunes,(ie when I talked about how she can't carry on living like this she'd say I wasn't helping but sinking her further) so if I'm not around her maybe this will take responsibility for her actions. what would be your advice?

Answer 1

Family relationships are very important. You cannot ignore your sister just because she throws a pity party every 20 secs! I have an older sister who is similar and I sat her down and told her that I love her but dislike how she acts at times and that I can only effectively assist her if she is facing a situation she cant handle if her approach to me is decent. I told her the topics we should avoid when we in conversation and even tho she was hurt at first we working on it well, and the pity parties are less. I think that you should try this with your sister and ultimately just love her regardless and be there.

Answer 2

There is an old saying in psychiatry. It goes: you can't change how people act, but you can change of you react. You're not going to change your sister, but you can make steps to not let her bother you as much. When she calls talk to her, I suggest you do pull back a little. Take her calls every other day or every 3 days. If she asks where you were, say you were busy.

Understand people are how they are. I'm sure she likes how she is no more than you do. That's why she tries to blame others, she hates to think that she made herself this way.

Answer 3

What your sister is doing isn't criminal. I strongly propose which you touch the police, and tell them the area. you may have carried out this an prolonged time in the past. Your Sister isn't the youngster's criminal mom or father and has taken him without consent from absolutely everyone. She's of course doing this because of fact she will't have babies of her own and it is not on. If she wasn't, she might have given the youngster back to you once you appeared to have your act collectively and in basic terms watched heavily. yet another plan may well be to have somebody else bypass over on your Sister's abode and take your son and bring him back to you. or you should attend sneakily exterior your Sister's abode for her to return out with your son and grab him. this may well be greater useful than getting the police in touch, because of fact the government may well be fantastically bent at circumstances.

Answer 4

You dont need her negativity bringing you down! Some times space can be the best thing. The only person who can really help her is her!! I think i would put a bit of distance in the relationship for a while and just send her a text now and then saying your busy but just wanted to say hi. That way she knows you still care.

Answer 5

The way your sister has chosen to live is her personal business.
If you chose not to communicate with your sister and to "blame" each other and to judge each other, you will lose each other forever. Can you discuss anything without verbally, rejecting her lifestyle?
As long as she is not asking you to support her financially, you shoud not assume what she is going to say to you before you speak with her directly. If you were experiencing personal problems, would it help you if a close relative avoided communication with you? 29 years old is an ADULT and responsible for her own employment and lifestyle. Unless you can direct her to a job of her (and your own liking), stop concerning yourself with her lifestyle and accept her as "just your sister". She must take responsiblility for her own actions, anyway since she apparently, is not living with you or with the family. She might need to get personal counseling and you might be able to direct her to that. Do not avoid her for that reason.

Answer 6

Set limits with her. In a way she's right - if you're so sick of her that you're running her down, that's not going to be helpful. You're also right - how are you supposed to put up with her day in and day out. Limit your time with her, but when you do spend time with her, make it positive and supportive. ALWAYS try to think of one thing she's doing well (even if it's something negative she's avoiding). If that fails, try to say something that is encouraging or hopeful for the future. The negative isn't just going to disappear, but I'm sure she's acutely aware of it. Take care of yourself too. If she's abusive, then pull back more.

Answer 7

Her biggest enemy is nothing is her fault!

She cannot even begin to understand the world around her and to put herself into a better situation until she sees this. It is infinately easier to change yourself than it is to change other people and if you can get this through to her.. even if it is other people doing it, its easier for her to change her situation than it is to make her boss treat her better, make her work more fun and easier and pay more..

I dont think she's going to digest this all the first time but keep inputting it back into her head to look at herself first and see what she can change.

Answer 8

She's a grown woman and can answer for her mistakes and get rewards for her accomplishments. Unless she is directly causing you problems in your home and bringing down YOUR life you and others should let her be. As long as you act like a crutch you will be a crutch and that goes for everyone.

Answer 9

you dont need to avoid her, but you do need to make a statement and carry it out. that is, to not take her crap all the time. she has to live her own life, even if she is killing herself.

you dont need to argue all the time with her. you cant change a person by force of arguments. that just creates resentment and extended grudge.

keep on encouraging her to pick up herself, and if you see opportunities for her, draw her attention to it, and if it works out nice, but dont take it to heart if she remains frog in her well.

just dont tolerate her non stop moping. if she wants to keep ranting, just move out of her way that day. but dont move out of her life, cos that just makes it worse

Answer 10

dont avoid her she is your sister.if you not then who will take care of her,my mother is a sizophoinic,she creats loy of trouble for me,i dont avoid her at all.