If you were a single dad & the mother of your child was?

Question

very unstable, maybe an addict but the child (10 yr old) still wants a relationship with the mother. How would you handle it in an effective manner? Do you tell the child?

The father has already been through the court system-wasted $ there. He is not trying to keep them apart-but his own sanity is an issue. She displays ODD behavior(late,no show,stays at hotels).

Answer 1

I know it is hard, but the most important thing is do not talk bad about mom at all around the child. The child will make up his/her mind when they are older, it may seem like it isn't fair right now because it is the parenting years, but as an adult the child will see who was there for them for the best. I did.

I am not in the same situation, but my 5 year old has a "dad" that is in her life when it is convienant for him. I am the one that has to explain it to her when he isn't there for her, but I don't lie to her. Sure I sugarcoat it, but I am as honest with her as I can be for a 5 year old. She loves her "dad" and I alow her to see him when he decides to be in her life. She will understand someday that she is a child of convienence to him.

As far as the 10 year old goes, I think if dad sat down with him/her and talked about what mom is going through, it really wouldn't be a bad idea. Start off the conversation about mom, about their last converstaion/visit. Let the child take it from there. Try to get a feel from the child about how much they can handle, maybe ask the child what he/she knows about what is going on with mom. Make them feel secure and that what he/she tells you isn't going to hurt mom. I am sure the he/she knows more than you think. Make sure that the child feels that you have a vested interest in mom's well being and that you are not putting him/her in the middle.

Don't stop the realationship with mom, the child may resent dad for it, even though it is in the best interest of the kid.

Answer 2

I would let the child have supervised visits with the mother. You can also explain to the child that its mother has an illness which makes her different. You need to realize that the woman will always be the childs mother even though she may not come around. If supervised visits are out of the question and the child is upset after the visit then I wouldnt want the child around the Mom. I would just let the child know again that Mom is sick and when she gets better then she can see her Mom. It is sad when a parent will put drugs and alcohol over their child, but unfortunately there are alot of parents that way. If it is in the childs best interest to keep it away from the Mom then I would make sure the child sees a counselor. I would also make sure the child is surrounded by alot of love and family support. And when the time comes as the child grows older then you can tell it the truth.

Answer 3

I wouldn't say anything negative about the child mother in the presence of the child. If it's quite obvious, I think the child's father should communicate his concerns to the child. I'm not trying to mean but it is his child not yours. Let the father be the parent. The child is going to love his mother no matter what. Try to get supervise visitation. I know you probably have strong feelings and love for the child. Just remember your position in the relationship. I can only assume you are the stepmother, girlfriend or good friend.

Answer 4

My X left me and 3 children to become a bar fly. Drunk all the time, and if not drinking, she worked behind the bar. When she got her visitations, she would allow my children to run the streets while she sat in a bar. I tried the court thing, but it is amazing who the courts believe. I told the children, when they complained about their mother, that they have to love her. They may not like her, or may not like the person that she became, but they have to love her. I ended up obeying the court orders on visitation, and hoping for the best. As my children are older now, I can see the effect that their mother has left with them. I can do nothing now but voice my opinion on their drinking habits, and hope for the best. Break the law, and save the child, or obey the law , and watch the children go down the same path. Too hard to call. Proof in court is the only way to save the children. But it must be indisputable proof, when it comes to a father fighting a mother on such cases. If the mother has the children, all she needs is a rumor to stop the father from seeing them. It is sad, and every women advocate says it is not true,,,, but it is. Sorry, and good luck.

Answer 5

it is not one hundred% actual anymore. Me and my spouse went contained in the direction of the adoption strategies in the previous, right here interior the united kingdom they're lots much less strict than they was once. single fathers, mothers, gay couples and lesbians can all foster or maybe undertake presented the wide-unfold regulations carry on with - they can provide a high quality, secure, loving, organization yet truthful abode and have no checklist of latest child abuse, and so on. however i comprehend some states interior the U. S. and different countries won't settle for every person that isn't a "married couple", yet permit's desire they get closer the circumstances quickly eh? ;) And it must be stated, most of the communities above make super mum and dad. And we are all sinners anyhow, faith does not take finished priority interior the eyes of the regulation. Toodles

Answer 6

My child went through the same thing. Her mother didn't see her I should have had them meet at a "counselors office" with me involved first. Needless to say it didn't work out. Our family is a shambles now and no way to get it back together. I am living alone without my daughter. She is 19 yrs. old now and our relationship was destroyed by her mother and friends. All my time raising this child have been wasted. It's as if I never had a child at all.

Answer 7

Yes. Try to explain to the 10 year old that there mom is sick and needs help. I dont think that the child in question should be denied a relationship with there mother. Controlled visits should be enforced with the mother and the dad should try to work and seek help to the mother of the child. It would be best for everyone and the future of the child.

Answer 8

Sorry this is happening. Supervised visits at a time arrainged in advance. If she's a no show, she has to set a new time. Also have it near the child's place of residence. It's not fair to the father if he has to drive all over town. Since you mentioned drug abuse, if the mother is high, call the police and leave.

Answer 9

OK...i was that dad before in the same situation with 2 kids in my custody. only allow supervised visits with the mom. and tell the child the truth. at 10 years old they already know that something is badly wrong so it is up to you to tell them the truth and end their confusion about what is wrong. the child may need professional counseling also and maybe even you because you are going through difficult times together.

Answer 10

I would go through the court system and try to set up supervised visitation and try to gain full custody of the child.
Afterwards, I would sit down and have a talk with my daughter, without out going into too much detail, telling her that her mom was having some problems, etc. I'd explain to her that she would be coming to live with me and that her mom would be able to visit her often.