I was raped, how do I cope?

Question

When I was seven, I was raped by my 17 year old brother. I never told my family, or anyone else for that matter, nor do I want my family involved. I don't want to put them through that. I have just tried to forget about it, but it's not working. I'm now, 20 and it's affecting my relationships. What are the best ways to cope? Will I ever get over this? I'm so sad and angry. I'm just lost...Can someone give me some advice?

My brother now lives in Florida and we no longer talk. I've seen him probably twice in the past ten years. Neither him, nor I have EVER talked about it. I'm assuming he thinks I forgot.

I live in California...

Answer 1

I know this brings up alot of emotions, but remember that is a sign your body is healing. But in order to move on, your must acknowledge them, for one, two, go to a rape cope center or get counsiling, then three, remember you have love to turn to. You have a family, keeping it inside like this is what is making it fester and grow stronger. Its like having a big elephant in your room and pretending its not there. You have to confront these feelings by letting the ones you trust most help, it will take alot of emotional work, but most people who do this cope and learn to move on, remember, its not your fault, its the sick creeps fault who did what he did to you. But try not to dwell on that acknoledge it, and try to move on. I really feel for you, and i know you will get past this. Good luck, and be strong.

Answer 2

You don't forget about rape: I know. You need to talk to someone. If you do not feel comfortable talking to a therapist, then a minister maybe?
Your intimate relationships are going to be hindered because intimacy was violated and you can't trust right now. You were a child, it was not your fault. I know you don't want to put your family through anything, but where were they when you needed them to protect you? You deserve to be angry. Stop protecting everyone else. Stop playing the adult role you were forced to play at the age of 7 and ask for help. It took me 4 years to trust anyone, and now after 6 years I am engaged and have my life back together. Don't wait like I did...it isn't worth it, live while you are young.

Answer 3

I really, really strongly recommend you find a counselor. If you don't know how, call the local woman's shelter in your area and ask them where to go. They might have somebody there you can talk to, even though this is something that happened a long time ago. To heal, you need a chance to fully explain what went on, all your feelings; the fear, the hurt, the shame. I also strongly recommend you stay AWAY from your brother, since as long as you're near him, you're going to have those hurt feelings constantly arising. The people at the shelter can discuss with you your options of finding safety, whether it's physically from your family, or emotionally. It is possible to overcome the shame. I recommend a book called "The Courage to Heal", which you are likely to find at a library or most bookstores (I got mine from booksamillion). You are not likely to be able to just "forget it" or "get over it"; in your memories, you are still going to be a hurt little girl, and she needs extra special care.

Find a shelter (search "women shelter" and your area in google.com), find a friend there who can help you, and be strong. There is hope.

Answer 4

Keeping it in is your first problem. It wasn't your fault!!! Your older brother shouldn't get off the hook. You've been keeping the pain and embarrassment locked up for too long and it wants to be released. You have to release the pain to cope. You have to quit letting your past control your future. Release the pain, forgive yourself, celebrate the strength that has brought you to where you are in life today. You're an incredibly strong person up to this point and you have the strength to get through this. Conquer your fear of bringing this out into the open. You will have incredible family and friends to support you and you will feel even better when it's finally released and you can get on with the rest of your life......Good Luck!!!

Answer 5

I'm sorry to say this, but your "coping days" seem to be over. Your subsconscious has decided that you're ready NOW to deal with it...NOW. So, it's time to get started. You've done the hardest part: you've survived it, and have made a life for yourself in spite of it. But, it still happened, and you still haven't done the REST of the work.

Enter therapy. Whichever kind you think would work for you, do it. Call one of those "24-hour" rape lines, and tell them what is going on. Call a therapist. Whatever it takes, NOW is the time for you to begin the REST of your after-rape life.

Hiding it, hiding FROM it, avoiding it, trying to "not think about" it....all that has now stopped working because somewhere inside you, you ARE ready to finish dealing with it.

Good luck, Godspeed, and Call someone. Now.

Answer 6

You can get past this. That happened to me when I was 18 and it was a drill sergeant. I chose not to deal with it and drank instead. I never had a successful relationship until I went to counseling and talked about what happened. It didn't make me forget but it did make it so I could move on. I think about what happened sometimes but it doesn't control me anymore. By going to counseling I took the power away from what happened. My suggestion to you is to find someone you can talk to about this, either a good friend or a counselor and meet with them weekly. What you are suffering from is called post traumatic stress disorder. You get PTSD from traumatic events. I have PTSD from my rape. But I am doing fine now. I have faith that you will too.

Answer 7

I am a 24 year old male and almost every female I have ever come in contact with has had some type of rape or act occur in their life. Unfortunately this problem doesn't go away but you have no reason to blame yourself. It wasn't anything you did and it didn't kill you, so you have the opportunity to become stronger than what happened in your past. Women like yourself learn to forgive and become strong women in society and help prevent future horror stories. Pray and keep your head up.

Answer 8

Rape is not an easy situation to get over, Ive been there. It's something that will affect you for the rest of your life in one way or another. The key is to understand it's not your fault and don't let it take over. It took me many years to accept what happened to me and to learn that situations like that only make me stronger, as horrible an experiance as it was if given the opportunity to take it back, i don't think I would it has made me the person I am today. Learning to get over it and cope with it has made me a much stonger person.

Not sure if you know much about Tori Amos, but she has a wonderful organization called RAINN, they are completely anoymous and were a huge part in helping me get over what happened, they don't push or pry to find out who you are, but they are there to listen and help you cope. Even if you arent interested in talking to them look into volunterring, it's a great feeling to be able to help others in your situation and know that you are not alone. Look them up on the internet and check them out, also Tori has a few great songs about her experiances that helped me in knowing that I was not alone. Please contact them and talk to someone, you shouldnt deal with it on your own...

Answer 9

You will need guidance to help you take the steps to healing. You may have to someday face the idea that the family will need to know so you can heal. Of course you are not ready now to tell them. You are still carrying the burden of guilt....and you are not guilty. You were a small child. You don't have to live in fear anymore. Take the first step in taking charge of your life and seek professional guidance. I'm very sorry this happened to you. Most of all, just know you're going to be okay.

Answer 10

Jane,
Forgetting is not going to help. You must deal with your feelings no matter how painful, and forgive. Counseling can help.

There is a Buddhist saying that holding onto resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. The forgiveness is not so much for him as it is for you.

My heart goes out to you. I was raped by a friend's brother at 13.
It takes strength to forgive, but you can do it!