why do i feel obligated to help my family?

Question

this past month i have helped my aunt take care of her 3 kids one of which needs 24/7 medical attention (ages 3 and twins 1 yrs old) while her husband was out of the country on business, now i love my family and i was raised that you always help your family out, the thing is i hate going over to my aunts house, i dont like being alone with her becuz when we talk she be-littles me, and makes me feel unappreciated and just plain bad. my friends say that i should just not go tell my parents i dont want to, the thing is i am the only one that has the time, since i am currently out of school. i know my aunt needs my help but i hate going over there, i practically cry the whole drive over there. how can i feel so bad when i'm doing something to help someone else?

Answer 1

Well sweetie it is clear you have an amazing heart. I wish I could tell you to just stoip going there but we both know you won't. Be honest with your aunt and tell her either treat me with respect as i am doing you a favor or find someone else to help you out. You haveing the time because you are out of school does not give her the right to treat you badly. Stand up for yourself but still keep that wonderful heart of yours. And remember you are a great person and she will one day see it to!

Answer 2

sounds like your heart's in the right place but you need to stand up for yourself. i have aunts that way even until now. it took me a while but once i was stronger and knew a lot more about myself, they don't bother me anymore.
first thing, begin to plan a way out of helping her. she's not going to change. go to school, get a job soon. this way, you know it's temporary - like knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
believe it or not, you are allowing her to talk down to you. i was this way too because I wore my heart on my sleeve and i was actively seeking their approval. people who put others down have very low self esteem and they'll only feel better if they can put someone below them.
what i've done is build a lil bit of a wall when i feel they are on attack mode, walk away like you're going to the restroom and pretend you didn't hear what she said. act a lil aloof and confused, that's what I mean.
now im not telling you this to be a total prude. be nice and cordial when meeting, but firm when you do not appreciate a certain comment. "I love helping but I really wish you realize and appreciate the things I do around here and not focus on how terrible 'you think' I am."
or if she belittles you about ex. your education, turn it around "so... how well did you do in school? you must have been on top of your class"
have fun with it and good luck :)

Answer 3

I know how you feel, I have relatives just like yours, you're not alone. You feel bad for doing something good you know why? Because you don't want to do it! Your just doing it because its the right thing to do. Hey listen up, just hang in there good karma will come your way. I have relatives who belittle me in everything I do, they always want them to be superior of others. The only reason why I'm helping my aunts is because my grandparents raised me and I want to show gratitude and respect to their children; even if they are full of s***t. Karma trust me will hit them in the face for all the belittling they are doing, I see it already happening to my relatives....not that I'm happy but you know what? You get what you paid for in life. Take care and trust me this is a blessing in disguised...just think loOK at it this way, your doing this for your cousins who need you not your aunt....who has no F**** appreciation to you what so ever....well just think about the kids ok? Take care

Answer 4

Just flat out tell her if she cant treat you with respect to find someone else to help her. Its just plain stupid to put yourself in a situation where you will be abused. Youre doing her a huge favor and she treats you like garbage. So either tell her to wise up or quit going over there.

Answer 5

Your aunt sounds like a real joy to be around. Maybe you should take a few days off. Let her beg you to come back. Then you set the rules.

Answer 6

The joys of family. I think you need to talk to her. Tell her that though you love her kids the way she treats you is unacceptable. She has no idea how lucky she is to have your help!

Is it possible that she misses her husband and is taking it out on you?

Answer 7

Your aunt sounds like a miserable, depressed woman. Tell her that you will be glad to help her but you absolutely will not tolerate her being demeaning towards you in any way and if she doesn't become appreciative, you will refuse to assist her. YOU DON'T OWE HER.

Answer 8

Oh boy.!
Help others with your heart and dignity and especially your family, there is no question. Remember one thing that it is better to do good deed to your family members than others. Because these are the people you get to see them every family event and they will always remember your good work.
Few years back, my handicap uncle passed away and I helped him for few good years for couple hours everyday. And, his family members and even today, they still thank me and put good words and most of all their appreciation is always with me.
So... take my word for there is no better feeling than help out the one that need your care.

Answer 9

Stand up for yourself with this woman. She only picks on you because you let her get away with it. You are doing her a great service. If she wants your help in the future, she had better change her attitude. The next time you go, go prepared for a fight.

Answer 10

The thing is you want to be selfish and let her know that you hate it. But she is family and in need.What you should do is talk to her and let her know how you feel.