Is the point of orgasm a good place to draw the line?

Question

Before I grew up, I had the misconception that being a virgin until marriage also meant not orgasming until marriage. Now, I realize that a person can have an orgasm doing things far from actual sex. Now I have the problem of not knowing where I want to draw the line in a possible short term relationship, or at least one that I don't think is going to end up being my wife. Right now, since I haven't found the right person I'm just looking for someone to share some of my time with along with some cuddling. What would be the point of saving sex for marriage, but not saving orgasm for marriage? People often say they regret having sex while young, but why, specifically, do they regret it and others not? I just don't want lust/loneliness to result in decisions I later regret such as not feeling as connected to my future wife or having the special closeness associated with each having only one partner......sorry for the essay.

Although I didn't indicate, I do masturbate.

Answer 1

First of all, some people regret having sex because they either started too young, chose the wrong person as a first, or feel guilty because of a contradiction with the values they were raised with. It seems to me that you were raised with the belief that sex before marriage is wrong. You're right in asking about the point of not saving orgasm for marriage if you're taking all the effort to stay a virgin. I think this is for people who want to experiment with their sexuality but feel guilty because of their personal values.

I say that if you're worried about not feeling a connection with your future wife because you had an orgasm in the presence of someone else, then it WILL be a problem later.

P.S. Does this also mean you will avoid having an orgasm by yourself? Something to think about...

Answer 2

I think that's a little too ambiguous of a line to draw. I mean, what about masturbation? That's an orgasm. Are you never going to do that, either?

If you're going to wait for marriage till you have sexual intercourse, then you need to draw the line at something very finite, such as: "No further than oral sex" or "no further than fingering" or "no further than nudity" or "keep the underwear on."

Wherever you think that line should be, draw it at an act, not the result of an act (as arousal or orgasm are), and be ready to explain why you won't go past it.

It's wise to think about and decide on this line before getting into a situation where it could get crossed. Good for you in trying to figure out where your morals and comfort zone are. It'll make you more responsible.

And to the first guy who answered, there are plenty of girls who share the desire to wait for marriage until having sex. My best friend is one of them.

The people who regret having sex are the ones who didn't know where to draw the line and got pushed too far, too fast. They weren't emotionally ready for it, so they didn't respond well to it. But you never hear about the people for whom their first (premarital) time was a really wonderful experience, and there are plenty of these people as well.

Answer 3

Healthy men masturbate all the time. That means they have self-induced orgasms. They are still virgins until such time as they have sexual intercourse. I did not save myself for marriage because I did not want to take the risk that on my wedding night not knowing if my bride and I were sexually compatible. Some people save themselves based on religious convictions which is fine. However, a large number of these people feel that sex is not a major issue in marriage and it will take care of itself. Believe me it doesn't. Imagine if you or your bride never had an orgasm before that night.

You need to understand the difference between sex and orgasms. One is usually the result of the other, but it is not that simple. It involves your partner and communicating what they do and do not want. The communication is critical. It will open your eyes.

Answer 4

Well just remember this, every time you sleep with some one who is not a virgin, it's like sleeping with every person that they have slept with and more, oh yeah, and not to mention that on average one out of every 4 people don't tell you they have an S.T.D. , not because they don't want to, but simply for the fact that they don't even know. so you could catch anything from crabs, to HIV by sleeping with some one, even if you do use a condom, because condoms don't protect against all S.T.D.'s And yes I think you have made a very smart choice to stay a virgin. And by the way, if you wait until you are married to have intercourse you will not regret it I think. I know I wish I had waited.

Answer 5

You're a virgin still if you only orgasm through masturbation. I don't know if masturbation is ok, but it's not going to hurt you the way sex(which is any orgasm involving another person) will.

The people who regret early sex are sensitive people who realize they can't ever get closer to another person than through sex. You seem sensitive.

Don't sacrifice your integrity for experience, and don't sacrifice your future marriage for this relationship.

Answer 6

I'm not sure who these people are that regret having sex but they had to been abused by somebody to make them not enjoy it. If you're considering ways around this whole do something up until a certain point thing so you can still keep your title of "I saved myself for marriage" you are going against what your brain is wired to do.

Deny it all you like but you are missing out on what we were really put on this planet for. Believe it or not, it isnt to get married.

Answer 7

go all the way with orgasm.. bec its the person and not that act that would determine the woman being "the one". orgasms are normal part of the sexual pleasure.. u cannot control it to happen or not.. it will just hapen when ur thingy gets really excited... again, its not bec of the woman, but bec of the act. and for ur future wife, what u can give her as true and noble is ur special love, that u have never gave to any woman u just had sex with. Makes sense?

Answer 8

The essay is fine, lol. You should either do all or nothing. Not give in slightly here and there. I think you should wait till marriage to do it all. Cuddling is much more appreciated then just fooling around and getting each other all horny. Besides if you let yourself do some things it will be harder to resist having sex. The choice is up to you, but if she really is the one she will respect your decision.

Answer 9

From reading your question I already have the impression that you have answered this yourself. If it is wrong to have pre-marital sex then its wrong. You have to do what your own moral code tells you to do. Some people don't have strong morals and that is why it doesn't bother them to sleep aroound. It seems to me that you do have strong moral fiber that is why you are having a problem. If the girl isn't the right one break up. The entire point of dating is to find "the one". Keep your pants on.

Answer 10

I think it all just depends on how you feel about the person. Just doing it for the sake of doing it as your first time doesn't exactly sound like a good choice. If it's a decision based on religion there really isn't anything wrong with that.