I have a spirtual warfare question? Christians only please.?

Question

I have been dating a girl for 3 or 4 years off and on. I can't seem to get away from her. When I am with her I am unhappy and when I am away from her I feel like I am tortured to get back with her. I feel like she all of a sudden becomes very seductive and I think about her a lot and dream of her. I don't feel like its right in my heart but for some reason I can't let her go. I feel kind of doomed to keep being with her and feel that its only going to get harder. We have broken up and gotten back together quite a bit. She was the first woman I slept with and she is incredible good looking and very seductive. Could this be spiritual warfare keeping me from fufilling my purpose or being with the right person? She became a Christian recently but when I am not with her it seems as if its not sincere. She was talking about being a cocktail server at a gentlemens club to make more money! Your prayers would be greatly appreciated. thanks :(

I tried counseling and it helped a little. We only had sex one night probably for the last 6 months.

that didn't sound right. Had sex one night during the last 6 months. So we have tried not to have sex.

Answer 1

My heart is aching for your situation right now...seriously. I have experienced this very same thing, and I know that the hardest thing is to flee from temptation, especially when you've already "consummated" the relationship by having sex with that person.
You used the word "seductive" several times when describing this girl, and that, to me, is the first red flag.
Proverbs 2:12-19 says, "Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse, who leave the straight paths to walk in dark ways, who delight in doing wrong and rejoice in the perverseness of evil, whose paths are crooked and who are devious in their ways. It will save you also from the ADULTERESS, from the wayward wife with her SEDUCTIVE words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God. For her house leads down to DEATH and her paths to the spirits of the dead. None who go to her return or attain the paths of life."
I know you may think it odd that I would think of this girl you're with as an adulteress (because I'm assuming that she's not married). But a strong conviction that the Lord gave me during a year-long internship I was in, was to think of every guy as someone else's husband until I knew FOR ABSOLUTE SURE that he was the one whom I was going to marry. If you think about it that way, you're lusting over and sleeping with someone else's future wife (and from the sounds of it, you're fairly sure you're not supposed to be with her long-term, if at all).
The second red flag is that in the "down times" (ie the times when you are not feeling seduced by her, necessarily), you are completely unhappy in the relationship. Common sense would tell me that she is not a good match for you whatsoever. I believe that although no one is perfect, the Lord has someone for each of us who will honor/respect us, and who will love us unconditionally--remember, 1 Corinthians tells us that love is never self-seeking, nor does it delight in evil. Trying to constantly seduce someone into having sex with you (Christian, or not) is delighting in evil, and therefore, is not of the Lord.
And the third red flag is that this "Christian" woman is thinking about working at a strip club to earn more money. This is simply another form of perversion that she needs to work through with the Lord's help. SO wrong, yet so many women fall into this trap, thinking it won't be harmful.
You did mention that this girl has become a Christian...but you two are still having sex every now and then? That reminds me of my husband's 2-year relationship with a girl he met at his church, which was the relationship he got out of soon before he met me. He and she were both very involved in church functions, and both worked with the high school youth group, as mentors. They both loved the Lord, but were constantly struggling with sexual temptation. He said that he eventually knew that she wasn't "the one", but continued the relationship with her because they were so attached to one another. The only reason he ended the relationship was because we weren't allowed to be romantically involved with anyone while at this internship.
Bottom line is this: Sex will ALWAYS bind you to another person, which is why the Lord reserves it for a married couple, in a covenant relationship. However, it is NOT impossible to break those ties. Satan will do anything and everything in his power to cause one of God's chosen to stumble, but it's up to you to make sure that you're living the way Jesus asks you to. I believe very strongly, after reading what you wrote, that you know what the Lord wants you to do. It's just a matter of gathering the courage to do it, now. It will be hard, and maybe even a little scary because being alone, after having been with someone for so long is a big step.
But I heard a saying from Joyce Meyer (a Christian author) once that said something to the effect of, "Sometimes you just have to do it afraid".
I will be praying for you in this situation, and I trust that you will find the answer you need to get out of this relationship once and for all. Trust Jesus on this one, man. Your life literally depends on it.

Answer 2

To be honest, you both need some spiritual help. You've already had sex, which will bother you mentally and physically for quite some time. Now you say she recently became a Christian. But being a cocktail server at a gentleman's club is not the best place for a new Christian to put herself if she wants to remain a good Christian. You should both seek a minister either together or separately that you can trust with your feelings. You don't say how she feels about you. Is it possible she doesn't have the same passion for you that you do for her? In any case, you need some spiritual help before you do something wrong.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are in a co-dependent relationship with her, depending on her to fulfill some lustful needs. Also you describe her as beautiful and seductive. You could have some self esteem issues and perhaps you may never be with another great looking gal again. It is an ego thing to be with a gorgeous girl. It's not a spiritual battle, although the devil will use people in our lives to draw us away from the Lord at times. It is a battle between your flesh and the convictions in your heart. If you love God and want to do what's right you have to make the choice. There are two ways to go, the wide way that leads to destruction or the narrow and hard way of righteousness.

Answer 4

It's the sex or lust that keeps drawing you back. The reason it is really harmful to have sex before marriage is that it clouds your judgment. What would otherwise be a very easy decision is now clouded by the fear of separation on the physical level. the reason you've broken up so much is that you really don't respect her...the reason you've gotten back together so many times is that there is a real "chemical" and emotional bond between you because of the physical intimacy. Go at least six months without sex with her and see if the relationship can bare it's own weight on its own merits. If not it's probably just the lust, infatuation and/or desire for physical intimacy again.

Answer 5

This is a hard question. Like you stated, it seems that you are being tempted beyond your ability to resist.

I am sure that God's Holy Spirit is trying to lead you out of this relationship. You say that you are not happy with her or without her. You know in your heart that she is not good for you but, you still think about her and dream about her. This is because you are a normal man.

Having sex with her is not helping the matter. Would you consider licensed Christian counseling. Many Christian meeting places have them.. Don't be ashamed. Many many people have the same problem. The church (God's people) is here to help you, to overcome problems that cause your life to be unhappy and hurt your relationship with Christ. Not to criticize you. I would also suggest a Christian singles group. You could meet the true girl of your dreams there.......I am praying for you and God bless.

Answer 6

From what you've said, I think that it is likely that you are more "addicted to her than in love with her. Often times, the person with whom you had your first sexual experience can become "larger than life". As far as this being spiritual warfare, you bet it is. Any time we are tempted over and over again to commit the same sin, you can know that Satan is behind it. He has found your weak spot and is using it to keep you unfocused on God's purpose for your life. I would suggest that you take this to God and ask that he protect you from Satan's influence. Or, do like I did. Get mad....really mad at Satan. I basically told him "outloud" to go back to hell where he belongs. I also told him that he would not defeat me because Jesus had already defeated him. I know this sounds kind of strange but it worked! God has given you the power to do this. Give it a try. I will pray with you also. God is with you.

Answer 7

If you are having these kind of misgivings, then I don't believe the relationship could ever be right. If you are looking for someone to spend your life with, that relationship has to feel right in every way. If there are ANY doubts, then I say it's time to move on and find someone that you truly love and feel comfortable with. Maybe your physical attraction to her is clouding your judgment. I have a feeling that she is wise to that, and is using it to her advantage. These are my thoughts, but all I have to go on is what you talked about in your question. If any of what I said seems to ring true, then I would back away from this relationship.

Answer 8

If you already slept with her you are going to Hell.

The feelings you have when you break up are normal biological reactions. Instead of sitting at home thinking about her and how lonely you are, go out and meet someone else. Give it time, and soon you'll forget all about her.

I was in a similar relationship where I was unhappy with someone but everytime I broke up with her I felt horrible and begged her to take me back. After six years I was able to break the cycle. Now I can't even remember what she looked like. Walking away and not looking back was the best decision of my life. (although the sex was really good and I still kind of miss that) LOL.

Answer 9

Hey Frank, this is often the fall out of, fornication. It's called a soul tie! Our heavenly Father really does know what's best for us, even though we would rather give way to emotional and physical desire when it presents it's self, we later find we have become a slave to our temporary fixes, just like The Lord warned us about,(seems He's always right, doesn't it?) You know how The Word says, "The two become one flesh,? Well, every time we sleep with someone, your flesh becomes attached, soulicly ( the lower life, of mind, will, and emotions), and in your case it's an illegitimate link-up. There is only one way out dear one, "Starve the flesh, and feed The spirit!" In other words, fasting and prayer, and reading His word intently, when you feel that overwhelming temptation coming on, go put on some praise and worship music, loud and on purpose. Their is only one thing that can cast down evil imaginations, and thoughts, you must deliberately choose to SET your mind in and on The Word of God, begin to disciple yourself. Take authority with over the enemy like Yeshua (Jesus) did when He was tempted in the desert by satan, say out loud and on purpose, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.Christ has appeared in me, teaching me to say no to sin. Father you have a wife hand selected for me, Thank you Father, You have not called me to settle for misery and a double minded, and unbelieving heart. I have a new heart, and a new mind that I'm transforming by the power of your Word. I speak Your Word, it's in my mouth going into my ears and inner most being as I confess Your truth in place of the lies of my own flesh. I am drawn away by You only Lord, I have The mind of Christ. Thank You Father for loving and delivering me NOW, in The precious name of Jesus The Messiah, amen! Frank, if you have The NIV dramatized version of The Bible on CDS ,or tapes, play them at night, Rom. Gal. Eph. Col. John etc. Do your best to press into The Lord Most High, begin to saturate yourself in His Word, Music,Teachings on tape, radio, I-Pod, when your alone. Then find a Spirit filled, Word fellowship. But mostly train yourself to love God when your alone, and watch Your heavenly Father reward you openly. You will become strong in The Lord and the power of His might, and find yourself being in the right places at the right time, because your not concentrating on things you need to do in the natural, to get what you want. Your mind is just centered in Him, and your automatically being led in His Spirit, Frank, the more you resist the enemy and choose to do the opposite. The hold and desire will become weaker and weaker, like any other addition. as you replace it with renewing your mind in The things of The Spirit you will see The image of Christ being formed in you, and old things truly passed away , all things indeed are made new! New beginnings , transformation ,and transfiguration are all the result of renewing your mind from death to life. It's a good thing! Have a faith filled evening Frank! Yes, you can!!

Answer 10

Sounds like spiritual warfare to me.Try some fasting and prayer.