another bachelorette party question...?

Question

i will put things bluntly..i had sex before getting married at my bachelorette party with the male dancer...i was drunk..very drunk and egged on by my friends...i was pregnant and had a son and know it is the dancers and not my husbands because he looks just like the dancer (eyes and lips , hair identical)--well my husband has no clue--should i just not tell my husband? i love my husband and will never cheat on him ever again--i was drunk at my bachelorette party---do you know of this ever happening to anyone else and what did they do? handle it?

Answer 1

Let's reverse the situation. How would YOU feel if your husband had sex with a stripper, got her pregnant, and hid the child from YOU? You'd be devistated, I'm sure. You'd want to know. However......

You owe it to your husband and your child to come clean about everything. You are living a lie. Lies will come back to haunt you. He will find out, whether it's in 12 months or 12 years. Your lie by omission is only a balm for your conscience. You are keeping YOURSELF happy at the expense of your child and your husband. How fair is that? Sorry, it's just plain selfish.

You can't blame your friends or the alcohol for your behavior. THERE IS NO EXCUSE. You did what you did. If your friends (and I use that term loosely considering they "egged you on" to cheat on your fiance) are expected to babysit you because you can't behave appropriately in your marriage, maybe you should think twice about being mature enough to stay in a marriage.

Yes, I know of a similar story. My fiance's ex had a baby and claimed it was his for THREE years before an unplanned medical test proved him not to be the child's father. Imagine his devistation; not only did he lose what he thought was his child, he was betrayed by the woman he loved. He left her and tried to care for the child anyhow, but circumstances with the mother prevented him from doing so. She wouldn't allow it.

You may luck out and your husband will forgive you. If you truly love him though, you would be honest with him NOW.

Answer 2

yes, tell him. Don't lead this guy on to believe that the baby is his child, it will back fire in your face. One day he, as well as your child will find out and will both resent you.

I honestly don't think being drunk should be an excuse of having sex with someone. Every weekend people get drunk and do stupid things; some do have sex, but a good majority control themselves. Where were your friends at your bacholerette party, not one friend stopped you from having sex with someone you just meet? Not to mention engaged and about to be married. I think it's time for some new friends.

Answer 3

You were egged on by your friends? (sarcasm) nice. what great friends you have and you trust them so much that you think they are not going to tell your husband? Go ahead keep this a secret and wait to see how long it takes before someone else tells him your secret. That is not a good foundation for a marriage and it may hurt him more to keep it from him than if you were to be honest with him.

Answer 4

alcohol and your 'friends' (used loosely) egging you on are no excuse to betray your husband.

you need to let him know, and eventually let the child know when he is old enough to understand. have a blood test done to see if he is his son or not.

this will backfire if he finds out your lie without you telling him NOW. how long ago was this bachelorette party?

Answer 5

I think that the unexplainable will happen if your husband ever found out. You child will hate you forever, if he finds out.

I'm a Don't Ask, Don't tell person, but you have to look at the reprocussions. Your son deserves to know who his real father is. And your husband is looking like a fool right now b/c that is not his child. Do to others what you want done to you.

Answer 6

i think of you are able to tell him and at last your son (he would sometime could comprehend the kinfolk historic previous for medical motives). question however: You have been so inebriated which you ought to not administration your strikes yet not so inebriated which you will not be able to keep in mind precisely what the dancer regarded like which you would be able to tell those small info you suggested are "same"? and what sort of friends do you have that ought to inspire it, particularly than attempt and stop you from doing something that ought to screw up your existence? i think of you would be mendacity to your self yet that's human given the situations. in basic terms something to bear in suggestions in case you % to pass eating returned and finally end up in yet another compromising place. Oh and that i'd get new friends.

Answer 7

First thing's first... What is a bachelorette party for? For men it's their last chance at having someone who isn't their soon to be wife. For women it's not thought to be the same thing, but in reality it is.\

Second of all, and more importantly... you need to forgive yourself. You may never tell him and that's okay. But you need to get a grip on what happened before you can ever make the decision of whether or not to tell him. Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes.

Answer 8

you should have told him when you found out. Now if you tell him now it will look like you been hideing it from him.before you tell get a blood test

Answer 9

no never tell your husband.

this news would be of great grief to him, and why u want to give pain to your husband who loves u very much and u also love him too.

Answer 10

don't tell your husband. despite what you say or think, you DO NOT "know" it is the dancer's son. seriously. even if it looks like him. has your husband ever commented how little your baby looks like him? if not, you could just be paranoid. please please don't tell your husband. it could ruin your marriage.