Is it right for surviving family to dictate what religion resides over a person's funeral?

Question

Even if it is known among their entire family that they never practiced that?

A cousin of mine was unexpectedly shot and killed over the weekend (I'm the only one who saw it coming with the way he lives and wasn't shocked at the news). His grandparents who raised him (his mother couldn't be bothered to be around until he had legitimate children) are planning the funeral to be very religious even though it was well known that he was not. He and his current ex-wife (who is by far the more trustworthy and likeable of the two) sent their children to the pariochal school and church that his grandparents attended and sent him to as a youngster but everyone knew he was not a Christian. He was into drugs, the occult and the rough life in general while putting up this front that he was the best man ever. I adored his ex and children but I always got the creeps around him that I could not explain.

Is it right for them to decide that, since his soul obviously can't be saved at this point?

Answer 1

The funeral is really a time of comfort and consolation for his family and friends, not a "bon voyage" to the departed. His ticket, wherever he is headed now, is already punched.

If his family is extremely religious (and it sounds like they are) then having a religious funeral is really a way for them to find comfort and consolation. It also may be a way to reach out to some of his friends, who may be mixed up in the drugs and stuff your cousin was involved with. Maybe, when they see what the outcome of his life was, and hear another way of life is available, they can be saved.

It is too late to save your cousin from his own destructive habits. I'm sorry for your loss. It might not be too late to reach some of the people he hung out with.

Assuming there will be no lying from the pulpit (about how good a person he was, yada yada) a religious service is fine.

Answer 2

I believe that if a person expresses to others (while they're alive) what they would like to be done if they should pass away, that those wishes be respected. If however, as in this case, a person makes no wishes either way, then I say do what helps the family through the grieving process. Who knows, some good may come out of a religious ceremony. If your cousin was into drugs and bad things, than if his "friends" attend the ceremony, a seed of truth can be planted and maybe they'll get their lives turned around before it is them.
I'm sorry for your loss and I hope that your family will be comforted by God during this time.

Answer 3

Cinnamon: You stated, that your cousin was participating in the occult. This explains the "creeps" or uneasy feeling you got when he was around you. As a Christian, I can assure you, that your cousin was just bent on evil (I didn't say he was evil). Some people are like that - real hell raisers. The Grandparents were "religious" and all too often, the kids will gravitate to the opposite things (occult, drugs, jail, etc.) - this is not something new to me. Please don't make the mistake of "writing" your dead cousin "off" - as God will judge him and you will be very surprised at the out-come - believe me. The Grand parents obviously, are grieving his death and since they raised him, allow them, in peace, to arrange the funeral and have the service of their choosing. The best thing for you to do is pray for the Grandparents, his children, mother and ex-wife. Particularly, try to comfort them, as best as you can. God is extremely, just, merciful, loving and above all - in the saving business !!!

Answer 4

During and after the ceremony you and everyone else are going to mourn and remember your cousin in your own way no matter what music is playing and who is saying what. As others have said, the funeral is basically for those left, and will like it or not be dictated by those who pay.

And if he was right about the occult stuff and rises up from his coffin or causes any other sort of disturbance, what better backdrop than a full-on religious ceremony?!?

Answer 5

A funeral is not for the deceased, but solely for the living, so I say whatever they need to do in ceremony to help them get by, go for it.

I'd only care about what they did to my body, but still wouldn't get too upset about that.

If I were planning the funeral, I would attempt to follow the beliefs of the deceased, but might have more than one service for other religions that were dominant among the loved ones.

Answer 6

This funeral is for them, to comfort them. If that makes them feel better, then it is fine. If you are Christian, then his soul has left and the funeral doesn't matter. If you are not, then I don't know what you believe but ultimately, the soul or lack thereof is somewhere else now. Leave the survivors to mourn the body their way.

Answer 7

Yes, I think it is appropriate. The deceased still has a soul that has "gone to meet his Maker". Whether he was saved or not, it's still a religious issue. No matter how bad he was, people can express respect for the loss of life that could have been saved.

Answer 8

Just ask yourself if it is hurting anybody, or if it is helping somebody, to have a religious service. That should answer your question.

It seems obvious that the wife, grandparents, and kids, will be helped by a religious service. That's all that matters.

You seem to be concerned that he's getting some privelege that he didn't deserve. Let it go. Think of the family.

Answer 9

The funeral is for the survivors. The departed are no longer alive, and the decisions about his funeral is made by the nearest relative(s). While it may not reflect what those who knew him best would want, family trumps friendship because they pay the bills and have legal rights.

^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^

Answer 10

Funerals are not for the dead they are for the family and friends. Let them have their comfort. Do you really want his kids at a service where they tell them well your dad is in hell? I mean from what you have told about him he probably is, but what good is that to bring it up now. Like you said its too late anyway.