I have explained to my guy that I am not comfortable with him spending the night at my home yet. Yet every week without fail when it is time for him to go home, and sometimes it's pretty late, he leaves begrudginly and we will have a discussion about it in our next conversation. I feel the only solution is to cut down on the late nite hours but of course his whole objective is to spend more time, so he doesn't want that. I have no problem sticking by doing only what I know is comfortable for me, we aren't sexually active, and I explain this to him paitiently every time it comes up. This conversation/"argument" has been going on about a month now and I don't understand why it continues to be an issue.
2007-02-25 16:14:52 · 21 answers · asked by Meems 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Um... you "don't understand why it continues to be an issue"?
He wants a physical realtionship. You don't. What are you going to do, agree to disagree?
Expect to keep "arguing" about it until one of you changes your position, or gets fed up and leaves.
Get a clue.
2007-02-25 16:30:08 · answer #1 · answered by kyla_bean 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People who don't understand the word No are have a problem.
You are doing good standing your ground. I am not sure he respects your space, time, feelings, and comfort levels.
It seems that perhaps, it will get to a point where he wants to really stay over. Either he hopes you will give in and you will become sexually active. Or he is insecure, and wants his freinds to think you are being intimate, by being able to lie and elude to the fact that he stayed over your house. Even if you don't do anything. I know guys like this. Most likely it think it is the latter. He may not push the idea of having sex, but he definetly wants someone(s) to think he is in a serious relationship.
Which you've only been dating a month, that is Way too early to be thinking about that. I've heard 3months is decent. But if the guy really loves you he, will wait until you are ready. My husband waited three years before we actually had sex, because I was not ready. I was 23 by then and that was my time that I thought that I would be mature enough to deal w/ someone sleeping over. I know it is different for everyone. And it depends on the person you are with too.
If he pushes too much or whines, I'd dump him.
Good Luck.
2007-02-25 16:23:07 · answer #2 · answered by Chris 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
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2016-12-04 23:15:34 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's because sometimes we women don't make it perfectly clear to a man what we want out of the relationship before getting into one. Why do you have to spend time indoors? Why don't you two go out on dates and when the night is over, he take you home. Also, hang out at his house and when you're ready, just go home. Another reason it's an issue is because he is not respecting your feelings and trying to compromise with you. He doesn't want you to cut out the time that y'all spend together but he still have to respect your feelings or he will push you away. Demand that he respect your feelings and you should not feel pressured to do something you don't want to do. Good luck and take care.
2007-02-25 16:25:57 · answer #4 · answered by sam 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He wants you.... that's why. Most guys want sex when they are in a relationship. It might not be what you want but it is their natural instinct. How old are you? If you dont wanna spend the night with him maybe you should move on and find a new guy who you are comfy with. If you are young you should just keep explaining to him that you arent ready for this type of relationship yet.
2007-02-25 16:20:38 · answer #5 · answered by Cuppycake♥ 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A month is a long wait for some guys, I know for me it would be.
Listen, you can't keep doing the late night hours and expect him not to get horny, because he will. You're allowing this argument to perpetuate by continuing the stimulus.
If he is at your house, do you blame him? He is attracted to you, likes your company, then you send him packing. You can't give out mixed messages like that. Are you distrustful of him? Does he know your intentions?
Stop spending time with him at your home, or do it in the daytime. But seriously, if I were him, I would leave the relationship because you are not paying attention to his needs.
I don't know why women are so reluctant to get intimate. It's real easy for women to tease the guy and get the boyfriend, then they get frigid on him. I don't put up with that B.S.
And if you are waiting until marriage you are asking for trouble. That is old fashioned and idiotic. You need to see if you are compatible.
2007-02-25 16:20:43 · answer #6 · answered by Joe 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
It sounds like he may want to take the relationship to the next level and become sexually active and you are having cold feet or waiting until you are married. Either way since he is escalating this to an argument level, he seems that he does not have any respect for your feelings on the subject. I would take this as a sign that he was not totally into you as a person or a long term relationship and move on to someone who will appreciate you and care enough to wait until you are ready to take it to the next level whether that be after a few dates or a wedding band.
2007-02-25 16:23:07 · answer #7 · answered by frogs4327 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
First off don't let him move in. If you plan to get married and he is already living with you then you are 2x more likely to get divorced. I'm not saying that you are the type to do that but statistics say those who live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce than couples who don't live with each other before marriage. Oh ya about staying the night, the temptations are too great and you may end-up having sex even if you didn't intend for it to happen. My ex-girlfriend use to stay over at my house every weekend and she would sneak into my room past my parents and sister's room and things happened that neither of us expected. So do yourself a favor and keep it at visits. hope this helped
2007-02-25 16:22:17 · answer #8 · answered by ennarian 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I have totally been there. Men naturally want to move much quicker than women. I have no idea why that is but I have had the same problem you are having.
2007-02-25 16:18:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs to understand the point that he can not spend the night. If he doesn't understand, explain to him you'll have to let him go.
2007-02-25 16:19:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋