Cheating and forgiving?

Question

i cheated on my bf of 5 months(though now we've been together for 1and 1/2 yrs) when he was on vacation and i was on vacation. everyday i constantly remind myself that i cheated on him and haven't forgiven myself. i regret doing it and am madly in love with my boyfriend. i didn't tell him that i cheated on him and don't know if i should. i don't think i can ever forgive myself until he knows what i have done (and even then i wont be able to forgive myself) but i'm afraid this will ruin our relationship. what should i do? do i keep it to myself and promise never to cheat on him again or do i tell him and risk our relationship?

Answer 1

If you tell him, you might feel better but he will certainly feel worse.
Telling him would, in fact, be a selffish thing to do on your part, because you want to ease the burden on your conscience and you think the truth will set you free.
Have you ever heard of "ignorance is bliss". As long as your boyfriend does not know, he's blissed.
If you regret your action, it is a good thing. Like in religion, repent and you will be forgiven. But the one who needs to forgive you is not your boyfriend, it's yourself.

Everybody makes mistakes. Forgive yourself, move on and never tell. Spare your loved ones.
The only important things are you love him, he loves you and you want to keep it that way.

Answer 2

As strange as this sounds, you need to work on forgiving yourself and telling him now would be selfish of you.

Why cause him the pain too?

Just remember to treat him well, forgive yourself and learn from your mistake. Keep yourself out of situations that could lead you to cheat again.

Good people cheat so it's not that you're a bad person. You just got caught up in the wrong, bad moment and things went too far.

If you tell him, what good would that do? It'll cause you both more pain.

Move on. You made your mistake and you have paid for it all these months by feeling so bad. Enjoy the wonderful man you have and be the best girlfriend you can be. Trust me, you owe it to yourself to move forward.

P.S. I read all the responses so far and some people are just mean. You're not a bad person, you are deserving of a good relationship and 100% honesty NEVER means a better relationship. Nobody needs or wants to hear the truth at all costs. Don't ruin a good thing.

Answer 3

There's no need to beat yourself up about what happened. You truly have a dilemma. Most men are finished with you because they keep envisioning this man with you. Quit reminding yourself that you've done something that EVERYONE and some point in their life have done. First of all, confess your sins to God and ask for forgiveness. Then go to that man that you've offended. Some may say " Take that dirty little secret to your dirty little grave" Guess what? Honesty is the best policy! I will be really difficult number one because you've done and number two it happened so long ago. What has been done has already been forgiven. Tell him and see where the chips will land. It was tuff for me and yes it was very hard to live everyday with someone constantly reminding me of my indiscretions. If you vowed to be open and honest with this guy, then go for it!! It may come out by someone else before you have a chance to tell him and that will really make you look like a big fat liar.

Answer 4

I don't know you and I'm not your man, but a lot of questions came to my mind as I considered answering you question. Like, who was it that you cheated with, does your boyfriend know him, where did it happen, when, how, how often, did you enjoy it...etc. Are you prepared to go into that kind of detail with your man? That's probably what will happen, especially since it was so long ago and it's still on your mind. That fact in itself may be something that really disturbs him above all else, that you are still mentally preoccupied by this situation. You are still thinking about what you did with someone that wasn't him. Is it because of the guilt or because of the man? Trust me, your man will want to know. If you are not ready to go there then I say please get over it and keep it to yourself already! Not everything is meant to be shared. The true meaning of love doesn't have to be completely baring your soul at all cost. You know what's in your heart. You say that you love this man deeply, so hold onto that love and move on! Okay?!!! OKAY!!!

Answer 5

I suggest that perhaps you get some counseling for yourself. What you did was wrong but at some point you need to forgive yourself. We are constantly learning and growing throughout our lives so you need to decide, how are you going to let this terrible lapse in judgement affect your life. Will you let it eat away at you and destroy you? Will you learn nothing and simply pretend it didn't happen? Will you learn from it and make the best of a bad situation? I seriously hope that you consider choice three or something similar. You have beaten yourself up enough. You should forgive but not forget. Should you ever feel the urge to wander again, remember the pain it brought you. Turn your mistake into something positive. Redouble your efforts to be good to your significant other. Treat him the way that he deserves to be treated. Not only that, treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated. Yes you screwed up, but we all do. Forgive yourself and allow you and your man to be happy together. We only live once and its too short to spend it hating ourselves. Good luck and do consider counseling.

Answer 6

that is a very hard question because I don't know how to answer it but if you are that far into a relationship and it was that long ago then i would keep it to myself because it will make him bring up how you could be so untruthful with him for that long.
It will cause too many problems in your relationship and now it don't even matter as long as you don't do it again.
Make sure you never bring this up because you are totally different now and then you didnt even know if you would be together this long.
I believe it will ruin your relationship for nothing so keep it to yourself.
It will hurt him and then you might lose him for something that will not happen again.
think of it as a learning experience that you did learn from

Answer 7

Do not tell him. It will do more harm to him in the long run. Even if he breaks up with you he will not be able to trust another gf again. Why would you have to promise yourself not to do it again, just don't do it. You don't have to forgive yourself either, just understand why you did it, learn from it and more on. If he cheated on you during his vacation then realized that it was you that he wanted to be with, would you want to know? NO! It would rip away all trust you have in him.

Answer 8

Honey please !!!! You are not married to him or engaged. Since you only been in a relatioship for 5 months means ; you're used too playing the field . And the fact that you feel guilty about being with someone else , only made you realize that you are serious about this one. No If I were you I would'nt feel guilty. Telling him this early in the game will only make him not trust or like you for now on. I would just chalk that up too a lesson learned and move forward in my pursuit of happiness Good Luck!!!

Answer 9

what will you GAIN by telling him? A clear conscience? Self-forgiveness?
What will you LOSE by telling him? Your boyfriend.
Why do you feel you have to continue to beat yourself up about this? Forgive yourself, don't do it again, and let it go. Keeing it in your mind the way you are is actually worse than the cheating, in a lot of ways.
Stop torturing yourself, and don't tell him (he doesn't want to know!)

Answer 10

I have been in the same position and honestly it's okay to keep it as long as it was safe and it will never happen again. It took me a long time to figure that out because I used to beat myself up over it and it's just not worth it. If you love him now nothing matters before love. Just don't do it again and everything will work out. TRUST ME... I have been there and there's no use beating yourself up over it. It was a mistake.