I've asked several questions in the past if "good guys" (of which I am one) get girls. I'm a 19 year old college student, never had a gf and get spurned by all the girls. All the answers I've gotten here from girls basically say that one day, those girls will come flocking to me when they realized that the bad boys abused them.
I find this incredibly insulting. It's saying that when those girls get thrown out by their "bad boy" boyfriend, they will come to us because they think we're available and desperate. In other words, we're their second choice since they couldn't stay with the bad boys they wanted. You know what? I WOULD RATHER NEVER GET MARRIED AND DIE A VIRGIN THAN LOWER MYSELF TO THAT LEVEL!!!!! This is the way the dating game in life works? I don't need this. I don't need to settle for second best. I'm going to focus on my friends and my education/career and live a happy life from that (like several of my family members ultimately did).
2007-02-25 14:58:07 · 19 answers · asked by Steady As She Goes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have this feeling that I'm going to be accused of being a women hater for this. But if I do, that's ok, cause the truth will come out eventually, one way or another.
2007-02-25 14:59:23 · update #1
Katekitty, I used to feel that way and I used to do that, but not anymore. I just want some straight, honest answers now.
2007-02-25 15:03:40 · update #2
Koldsauce, actually I did need to say that I never had a gf before. It was necessary so that nobody could accuse me of getting a gf and then dumping her for shallow reasons.
2007-02-25 15:16:46 · update #3
I can feel you're frustration, and I can honestly say it is not as clear cut as girls going for bad boys vs nice guys, there are qualities within both stereotypes that are attractive to women, and others that are big turn offs.
Women are driven much more by the emotions men generate inside them. The problem with being just a "nice guy" is being too predictable and usually also too needy. There are also quite manipulative qualities you may not have considered, ie "I like you so I will buy you flowers/dinner/etc so you will sleep with me" is the message usually received... of course you will probably find a response where they take the gifts, and hold back on the sex...
Being a "nice guy" is manipulative. I expect you never thought about that, and never in a million years wanted to manipulate women.
The other side of the scale is the "bad boy", highly unpredictable, keeps a woman on her toes, stirs up all kinds of powerful emotions, but has a lack of self-esteem that causes them to be abusive towards the women.
Women are drawn to this personality type because of the strong emotions... these emotions are so powerful that women will rationalise the abusive behaviour in a way where they turn it to being they deserve it. You have probably heard stories from women where they tell you about their b/f problems, and finish up by saying "buy I love him".
Of course, these are stereotypes. A much healthier position to be in is to gain the good qualities of both, and try to cut out the abusive and manipulative behaviours.
This is no easy task, but from being more of a "nice guy" there are some things you can do that will help.
1. STOP BUYING HER THINGS TO GET HER AFFECTION. Make her have to earn your time and hard earned cash.
2. Make yourself less available, get some more hobbies and try to make your life more fulfilled without needing a woman.
3. Be more unpredictable, it could be one time a woman sits on your lap, you kiss her.... another time she does this, push her off... basically make it fun
4. Sometimes tease her a bit, in a playful way. Aren't relationships meant to be fun!!!
These are just some ideas, be a bit creative and remember... try to make it fun for both of you. After all aren't we all scrambling through life, meeting people, searching for that one special person. It is a hard search, so why not make it a fun one.
As a final note, women are really just looking for a real man, both the "bad boy" and "nice guy" stereotypes highlight childish behavioural patterns.
2007-02-25 15:57:06 · answer #1 · answered by Mike S 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm one of the FEW girls who never flocked towards the bad guys. There are a few of us. And like you've heard before, it is true that a lot of the girls that are into the bad boys eventually realize that's not what they really want and will seek out a "good guy." Maybe you're attracted to the wrong type of girls. Could it be that you're only interested in going after people that aren't into you? Maybe there are some girls right under your nose that you would be great with, but you're too busy trying to impress someone that's only after some cocky guy with nice hair.
2007-02-25 15:06:02 · answer #2 · answered by :) 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok buddy i feel your frustration but 19 and still a virgin thats deep!!!! where do you live? Ok bigger city better chances of meeting someone that fits you and vice versa. I have been called/labeled a nice guy for years but i have been with numerous women never married thou but i did have and still do my fair share of women. i was just like you at an earlier age when i couldnt pay a female to even give me her number. well of course i did have acne but thats besides the point. what i realized was that the problem was me!!! i knew i had to believe that im a special man and that im the man that a real women wants to settle down with. that frame of thinking built up my self esteem. it enabled me to come out of my mini shell and start socializing with enough females that eventually i started dating numerous females in no time. Now to say that i didnt meet any stuck up i only want to date a jason preistley where you couldnt get anywhere. those are the females you stay away from cause those are the ones that are going to be looking for a nice well rounded man years later but they are the ones that are damaged goods mentally , emotionally , and yes physically. I know you dont want to be a blind womens therapist. So build up your self esteem cause if your being called a nice guy then your getting some where but you just have to wear that on your sleeve and start talking to females and you will be surprised with your new confidence how many females become interested in you. also dont try and shoot to high if you know what i mean(dont try fresh out the gate after pamela anderson)but hey if your feeling yourself go for it!!! well good luck and remember confidence is key!!!
2007-02-25 15:22:00 · answer #3 · answered by primet21 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Preach it brother!! LOL Dude I don't know. But believe me, a lot of guys go through this BULL SH*T even if they don't admit it. I've been both--the bad guy who got the girl, and the good guy who got screwed over and COME BACK TO. Many times. It sucks. Girls suck. They're idiots mentally and don't reason very well, but being mad about it isn't going to change anything, its just life. So I say, keep doing what you're doing, and NEVER SETTLE. Even if it takes years, a girl will come along who will like you for you, and THEN you take her--because nobody deserves to be 2nd best.
2007-02-25 15:05:35 · answer #4 · answered by Blue Stars 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ah don't worry about it, Its all to do with the person man, some people want the whole bad boy thing and others would rarther the nice guy. Maybe ya just aiming for the wrong girls.
Btw your not a women hater etc. ha just bloody frustrated haha :)
2007-02-25 15:08:14 · answer #5 · answered by Sorta Undead 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man I here you...I'm 27 and have the same problem. Outta all my friends that are girls..they tell me how great of a guy I am..they say I'm one of the greatest guys they ever met. Then they say I'm too nice . They girl I loved told me she would never love me back. She was used by 2 guys who banged her once and never called her again man..I was there for her and loved her more then anything...and it was like i wasn't good enough cause I wasn't an asshole to her. She just stop talking to me like 2 years ago man..It still effects me and makes me believe I'm not good enough anyone.
I like this one chick who liked me back but she was with a guy who beat her , raped her,and almost killed her..she wouldn't leave him she told me she would rather trust the devil she knew then the one she didn't know...Again I felt completely worthless there too man.
I know where you're coming from . It sucks being used an mistreated by women.
Tell these other chicks that tell you this to go to hell.
2007-02-25 15:19:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good guys like to get attached, young women, especially good looking ones, aren't looking for attachment, they're looking for fun. They don't care of bad boy wll move on, she'll find another easily.
Most relationships are bad-boy-meets-bad-girl with no intention of permancy, untill someone gets pregnant. Then they decide to make it permanent, if not, she is invairably playing victim after that.
And usually, they still have to be bad, and end up divorced, and so self righteous in the meantime.
Then they'll need the good guy (he's available-won't care if he's desperate) to help them with the kids, and decide he's oh so boring.
Can't say you're wrong, but then have pride in all the mistakes you didn't make by playing the bad boy game.
GOOD LUCK
2007-02-25 15:08:32 · answer #7 · answered by mt_hopper 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I want to applaud you for your high standards and values, as well as your morals (being a virgin). Please don't lose heart. Yes, there are many, many girls your age who go for the bad guys. Why do they go for the nice guys like you AFTER the bad guys dump them? It's because deep down, they want a nice guy. Sometimes they have to have a relationship with the bad guys because in some weird twisted way, it is appealing to them to be with someone who represents danger or being on the edge. I for one never went for the bad guys. I was always attracted to the nice guys. My fiance does have a slightly wild side to him, but that is just like adding seasoning to food. It adds to the person he is. His character and personality however, are very, very good. He is a wonderful and kind man.
Please don't lose hope. Hold to your values. If a girl can't appreciate you for who you are, then don't waste your time trying to make her like you. There ARE girls who appreciate and desire nice guys like you. I have lived with them in college dormitories, I have worked with them in different jobs, I have been around them, and I AM one. You are 19. In a few years, many of these girls you have been around will have matured and come to their senses. Just be true to yourself, hold your head up high, don't lose hope that there is a nice girl out there to appreciate the nice guy you are, and go about your life. Girls of all types appreciate guys who are secure with themselves and show confidence. That is something you can do while still being true to yourself. Best wishes to you. You will find the right girl some day. You really will. Nice guys really do finish first - in the long run!
2007-02-25 15:08:17 · answer #8 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't HAVE to tell us you've never had a gf...
I think by now it's your fault, you havn't gone and met a chick, i mean seriously, it's quite easy to get a chick, not to flame you or anything. If you want a gf, go get one. Not all girls want bad boys 24/7
ANYWAYS, i've actually though of the same thing as you, relationships are starting to seem really over-rated and that love crap is getting annoying. I'm thinking about just gettin booty, a child and dying single
2007-02-25 15:07:44 · answer #9 · answered by adklsjfklsdj 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you wouldn't rather never get married and die a virgin than lower yourself to that level. You rather find a girl and that's why your on singles & dating and asking this question. Stop having a low-self esteem, just flirt I mean theres probably others that feel the same as you but eventually you will find someone.
2007-02-25 15:02:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋