My ex girlfriend and I are beginning to start this friends with benefits thing. We've been broken up for 4 months now but I can tell the feeling is still there. She hasn't kissed anyone else, but I have. She broke up with me and doesn't want the so called 'stress' of having a relationship at the moment but she still wants to be affectionate with me. Basically I'm not totally over our relationship, I still love her and I can tell she loves me too.
Do you think this arrangement will help us move on or bring us closer together and possibly become a couple again? What are you thoughts/advice on this matter? should I continue this?
Thanks for reading and for you answers :)
2007-02-25 14:20:41 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just to add more detail, It is just more than a physical kissing thing. Like we call each other up and we chat, joke around, play around, we go out, she comes by my house before she goes to work sometimes just to hangout. (lol this so sounds like we're going out). we are pretty close and we are there for each other always, we are pretty much best friends as well.
2007-02-25 14:47:36 · update #1
This is so not Friends with Benefits - it's getting back with the Ex. The reason that Friends with Benefits can work is because both people like each other and like to hang out and have sex but noone is emotionally involved. Even then, it's hard to pull off because someone ends up getting attached.
I think you can go ahead with it if you're prepared to go through another break up. All of it gets very very messy. How are you going to sleep with the girl you love and not get more attached? You know it's going to end in you saying to her; 'We still have feelings for each other and we're still sleeping together, why can't we just be together. And, why did you sleep with me when you KNEW that I had feelings for you?!'
I've seen this too many times and the sh*t always hits the fan.
2007-02-25 14:26:27 · answer #1 · answered by Snow White 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i personally really don't like the whole friends with benefits thing.. because that won't help in the long run.. and it will make it so it's not the same later on if you Were to become a couple again. i think that you also need to be friends and become closer and TALK.. (but of course then you would basically Be boyfriend and girlfriend) because how can you form a deeper bond to have a relationship later if all you do is have your tongues in eachothers mouths.. she's basically just your make-out buddy. and you guys are just using each other for your own pleasure. who wants to be treated like that for a Relationship? and not actually BE in one..? i think that you obviously love her more than she loves you.. and by doing this to yourself you are only getting more feelings for her, which obviously aren't being returned. it's not fair to you. if you want more, and she doesn't.. you are in two entirely different places in your relationships.. and if you Broke up then one of you or both of you, has at some point thought that the relationship is Over.. and it's called a break up because it's broken. if one of you has thought this about the value of your relationship, then you deserve better and why would you want to continue when you want and deserve so much more. it would make you happier to be in a relationship since that is what you want, so you should find someone who cares enough to give it to you. but it's really up to you and i'm sure you will learn something from whatever you choose. good luck!
2007-02-25 14:29:51 · answer #2 · answered by coolio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my experience and that of the people I know, the whole friends with benefits thing usually doesn't work out. Actually, I can't honestly think of a time when it did work out. Ideally, it would be a good deal, but what usually happens is that one or both people are still involved, and they just get confused and hurt more than if they had just broken up in the first place. If she still loves you, she should be willing to be there for you, not just physically.
The one thing it's not going to do is bring you closer together. If you don't see it as likely that you'll be getting back together anytime soon, it may be easier to just break it off all together, until you both decide you want a relationship together again. Think of it like a break. Or, if you're just happy with the friends with benefits thing, that's up to you. But being in love shouldn't just be physical. Good luck.
2007-02-25 14:42:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, from a guys perspective view this is the most awesome situation ever but i can tell you it will never work out. I had this kinda relationship a few years back and ill tell you, you will fall for her all over again and you will realize in the end that it will never be the same. I think during this time the "love" you are feeling is not what you think it is, its just a way of saying you both need someone to be there for each other, you both need a emotional figure for each other and when one of you no longer need the other one; that person will fall into depression.
2007-02-25 14:26:21 · answer #4 · answered by g ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In an ideal world, friends with benefits would work.
However, in the real world, people's feelings get hurt. It sounds like since you are still into her, you are really leaving yourself vulerable to getting hurt all over again. Also keep in mind, that perhaps if you don't give her the space to figure out what she wants, she may end up resenting you for this friends with benefits situation. [I know it's irrational, but someday she could look at it as you using her.]
I really don't see how that type of situation will make you two become a couple again.
I think for your own healing, it would be best for you to let her go. Because if you truly love someone, you will let them go. If they come back, then it's meant to be. If not, then someone else will come along in the future who you are meant to be with.
Peace & take care,
debm
2007-02-25 14:26:41 · answer #5 · answered by dam_9191 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As much fun as this sounds, it almost never works. If you really want to be with her and she doesn't with you, don't let yourself settle for whatever she's willing to give you. This may be just the last chapter that the two of you need to see that you don't work together, but it will probably lead to one having more feeling for the other and/or someone trying to make the other jealous. If you can't be honest enough with each other to see where you really stand, then you probably shouldn't get into this. If you want to be with her you should tell her. If she's not ready to be with you now then you should move on. You shouldn't stay together just 'cause you haven't found anyone better yet.
PS Girls can almost never separate sex from feelings.
2007-02-25 14:30:55 · answer #6 · answered by :) 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of times Friends with benefits works as long as you keep it to a less extreme level, but when you have a history with the person or have feelings for them it tends to fall apart. You can try it but if it starts feeling wrong, then end it and let her know that you want more.
2007-02-25 14:28:44 · answer #7 · answered by Liz | 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is only looking for a "friends with benefits" she obviously CAN handle the stress of a relationship because if she "loves you too," she is already in over her head and is using you. If you love her, ask her out again-- if she says no, stop the benefits && if she likes/loves you back, she will come back to you.
2007-02-25 14:25:04 · answer #8 · answered by curry_lover4ever 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IF you decied to do it just becareful AND know she doesnt want a relationship just your sex. If she wanted more she would ask for more.
Normally when i see this with my friends (not always) that the person who did the dumping and wants a FwB relationship just it messed up in the head at the moment and need a secruity blanket.
So just make sure your not gonna get walked all over and be up front with all your feelings.
Make sure she is honest and open with you and the same with her. Just dont put all your eggs in one basket.
2007-02-25 14:33:18 · answer #9 · answered by SARAH D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Done the FWB thing with a couple of guys, no problems with either arrangement one guy moved away and the other found a gf so not happening at the moment, but unless one person abuses the arrangement it can be lots of fun... and relaxing, too!
2007-02-25 14:25:26 · answer #10 · answered by barefoot_always 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋