What should i do im in love with my cousin?!!?

Question

After the fact of this having the probability of being morrally wrong... i think he is also with me. In fact we've kissed... im soo confused. i've tried falling out of love with him but it's been 5 yrs. !!! & my love for him has only grown stronger. He has been trying to get me to fall out of love with him too, but when he sees me with anyone else he gets jealous and lonely. He denies any attraction to me, yet the way he acts is totally different from what he says. He's on my mind day and night, my heart hurts... What should i do? i want to stay near him forever. Even if we can never marry even if we can never be together. i want to always be near him, to hold him, to hug him. to have his head lay on my lap. to be able to help him when he's in trouble. to be able to bug him then hug and kiss him. I love him. & i don't want anyone else. What should I do?!!!! God help me... im so confused i can't live without him.

Answer 1

This is a complicated thing. In some states it's legal, and the bible does not say a thing against marrying cousins, so nobody can tell you that it is not moral except from their own opinions, and you know about opinions. There is the stigma, though. I guess you can see that from here. I did a little research so I could better answer you, and I found a site called http://www.cousincouples.com/ where this question and more are answered from many points of view. The legality is discussed.
I have one caution. If you are underage, or if you are only 18, you really need to wait before making a decision this important. If you ARE underage, if it turns out he does have feelings for you, it is not love, or respectful for him to follow through until you are an adult. That is really for your own protection.
I do want to correct some of the others.. the definition of incest, in the dictionary, by law, and in the bible does not include cousins at all.
And I remember reading an article in Time magazine saying that it had been studied, and the risks of cousins having children was no more risky than anyone of the same race having children.
I am only trying to go by science when saying that, and only trying to go by the bible to answer peoples questions about morality. Maybe you're not a Christian, so you could study your own religion to see where IT stands on the subject.
Here's what bothers me. The fact that you say you can't live without him means to me that you are very young, or very immature. You can live without him. As you get older and go through more things, you will find that people live through tragedies much worse than not dating a guy they like all of the time. Just this week there was a woman on Oprah who took her baby boy up in an airplane for his birthday, and it crashed, killing him, AND her husband. She watched them die. She lived. And she is still happy. The human spirit survives a lot of things, and not dating some guy is the least of them. The fact that you say you can't live without him means to me that you need some distance to evaluate this relationship correctly, and make a good decision, and you don't have distance.
That has nothing to do with his being related. It probably has a lot to do with you being young.
I don't have anything at all against cousins marrying. Reading that site, though, it seems that a lot of the girls are under age, and the guys are older. The older married cousins say things like that they did not understand until they had kids 10 years old asking why their grandparents were brother and sister.. or talking about it at school, that it would be difficult to explain to their kids. You have to be of very strong character to pull that off. 50% of marriages today end in divorce, and the more stresses there are, the more dificult it is. Having said that, love conquers all. If it is real love.
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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres
(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Answer 2

Wow that must be absolutely awful. I truly feel sorry for you. That must be the most confusing and frusterating thing ever. If only he were not your cousin... Have you ever thought about that there is a chance that there is another man on the earth that will make you feel this way that is not related to you? There are so many men out there, and I know you are in love with your cousin and it probally feels like he is the only one for you, but if I were you, I would hold off a bit longer and keep looking, for there might be some other man; a man that is perfect for you, and that you can absolutly fall in love with without any worries. Good luck. :(

Answer 3

Sweetheart, I know this sounds harsh and I don't want to hurt your feelings but it sounds like you're romanticizing your relationship with him a lot. He is your cousin. Your family. You probably have a lot in common and you feel very close to him. It is easy sometimes to confuse loving someone with being IN love with someone.

You know that you can not be with him romantically. He will always be a part of your life as he is your family. I know you feel very strongly that you are actually in love with him, but I think you're a little confused... you know?

Family is off limits. You know that. He knows that. You might need to stop seeing him/hanging out for awhile. As much as possible, anyway. I know it's hard when you're family. But try to stay away from him awhile and explore the world. Meet other boys. Make new friends. Put your relationship and feelings for HIM in perspective. He is family. You love him and you feel close to him but it is not a romantic kind of love, hon.

Answer 4

Follow your heart. There's nothing wrong about loving your cousin believe me, god does not forbid it.

If you really love him, then you should live your life loving him without caring of what will others say. Remember, it is only you and him and not the people.

For some people here that says about genetically problems, you're wrong. Did you guys know that Albert Einstein's parents were cousins? Was he retarded to you? No he was not and he was the opposite . Genetically problems can happen to anyone not just to married cousins.

Answer 5

You can ask him if he feels the same way. If he admits he loves you too, then there is NO problem being together.
And yes, you CAN marry him, there are many countries and states (US) that allow cousin marriages. Sometimes we just have to follow our instincts, and if your instinct tells you that he is the one, go for it. Don't let anyone stand between you, love at the end will prevail. Best of luck.

Answer 6

Even tho dis is very uncommon, it iz not impossibl. Its like falling in luv wit a teachr sort of. U must b very close 2 him 2 b abl 2 fall in luv wit him. There iz nuthin wrong wit fallin in luv wit any1 but da idea of mixing da same blood 2gethr iz kinda......... dat iz if u 2 r planning 2 hav children. If not n u 2 r truly in luv den I suggest u make up ur mind quick 4 da best future.

Answer 7

YOUR KIDS WILL NOT BE DEFORMED!!! That is just a silly belief to deter incest. I suggest not though your family will not approve and well it's not worth the heart ache tell yourcousin your feeling and that you guys need to distance from eachother. I know it's hard but it has to be done for the sake of not ruining yours and his life.
LOVE FROM AFAR dear.

Answer 8

if you have children with a close relation, the risks of birth defects increases. if you are really in love with your cousin, i suggest moving to arkansas or somewhere that accepts this practice (try 19th century england) and prepare for the additional work it will require in raising children with developmental and physical problems.

Answer 9

i suggest you just try to become close friends, best friends even. you can still hug him and even kiss him on the cheek, but nothing romantic. you dont have to stop being with him
good luck

Answer 10

A wise man told me once, and I quote... "If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the family." I wish you all the luck in the world. Follow your heart, my Dear. It will guide you to the right decision. Don't fight love, embrace it!