Why do girls say they look for personalities in guys. Everything I've seen suggests otherwise.?

Question

I'm in college (19 years old). I keep hearing from girls how much they value guys' personalities. However, when I look around, it's the bad boys who get the girls. I have confidence in the things I do and I talk to girls I like but I just get the same thing from every one of them. I listen to what the girls say too because I actually value their opinions. Some of my female friends even have called me "sweet." But the girls I like don't seem to care (some have even told me to get lost, even before I open my mouth). I'm not an attractive guy and am very "poorly endowed" (3 in, if it matters, but I'm comfortable with that). Do girls really care about personality or are looks and reputation all that matter?

Anyway, I'm giving up on trying to find a girl cause I don't want to deal with this any more. I'm going to focus on my friends and my education/career and to hell if I never marry or die a virgin or whatever it is people think is so bad.

I want(ed) a girl because I wanted to be loved and cared for. I do think about sex (because I'm human), but that is not the main reason I was out for a gf.

Lacallede..., I resent your statement about me "blowing off my female friends." That's what they are, my friends. Some of them have boyfriends of their own. I'm not blowing them off; I don't ask them out because we are nothing more than friends.

Also, your accusation of me merely trying to elicit female sympathy is baseless. I posted this question because I experienced all the things I wrote and I want clarification because I'm receiving mixed messages. So don't you start bashing me.

Answer 1

that's good that you are comfortable with who you are.

The truth is, at least with me. Appearance does matter. My men have to be well kept, and there has to be some sort of an attraction to make me smile. But its their personality what keeps me with them. Appearances change throughout the years, personalities don't usually. If someone is spontaneous, a genius, a comedian or sweet, usually it'll be with them for their entire life. If you look good, it means that you can take care of yourself, which means you'd be a good provider. Size doesn't matter at all, like my best friend says "as long as he knows how to use it!" But body size too, doesn't really matter to me. In fact I had crushes on larger guys all throughout school because they were always the class clowns.

My boyfriend has some things about his appearance that I dont like....I think his jeans are too short for him, and he's an engineer so he kinda looks like a nerd. But I love him. His smile, eyes, smartness, openness, sense of humor and his passion he has for what he wants in life is what has my heaert skip a beat.

I dont know if that really helped any. Everyone lies if they say it doesn't matter what the person looks like, cause it does. A little bit. When someone is looking for something a little more long term, then personality is what sticks out.

Let the girls come to you, you are only 19 sweetie. It'll happen when it happens. And usually the good ones appear when you least expect it.

Answer 2

Hey man, I'm so with you on this one - also a 19y/o male. To be honest, you just haven't found the right gal yet... I don't think I'm attractive (and have had very few girlfriends), but I just found a girl who thinks I look amazing - go figure.
Yes personality and reputation matter - you may be single now, but nice guys really do finish first in the long run. If you want a great woman in your life, you have to be a be a man, be respectful and courteous.
From what I've seen, the bad guys have the girls with no personality - and guys like us don't want a girl without a personality. (I.e. the girls who said get lost)
Keep it up, and don't get disheartened. Get out there, and meet some new girls. Don't stress over it, but don't give up either.

Answer 3

Women want good looking, non creepy men who value their opinions and have great personalities. We also want someone who is not needy and comfortable in their own skin without too much baggage. Now onto your issue(s):


Your female friends call you sweet but have no interest. Or do they and you just blow them off because they aren't up to your standards physically? It works both ways. If someone is blowing you off before you say anything they are judging you for your looks or lack thereof. Like all humans do initially. If you're ugly I don't want you as a boyfriend no matter how "great" your personality is.

You say you want someone to LOVE you but you are unwilling to make basic adjustments to your physical appearance. If you judge women on their physical appearance and all men do then do something to make yourself more appealing physically.If you are comfortable being unattractive and poorly endowed I don't understand your predicament, unless you are just posting this to elicit sympathy from the opposite sex.

Perhaps your female friends are "too nice" to give the advice I did. If so I question the depth of your friendship with them. A true friend or objective person is always honest.

I will never know for sure if you are trying to elicit female sympathy. Knowing the male gender I can say I am 99% sure. You never stated that you were receivng "mixed messages". I believe accused rapists also use this "excuse" as well.

Answer 4

Most really mean and rude girls who are pretty end of getting all the jerky guys. I an really popular along my friends, have had many boyfriends, and get along with everyone. I really don't judge a guy on his looks. I mean yeah it is nice if I am with an attractive guy but I couldn't really care less. If I were to choose between a guy who is extremely hot but is mean to a bunch of people or an ugly guy that is very sweet I would take the sweet one instead of the other one. If the girls you like tell you to get lost you should try liking other people. Don't worry there is someone out there for you!

Answer 5

One thing you'll have to learn about women is that they sometimes live in a dream world...many of them say that personality is everything, but they never look twice at the guys that aren't studs. What they really want is a guy that is a model AND has a great personality, but don't give up hope. There are literally 1000's of women in every town that will give a guy a chance as long as he approaches them with confidance. One thing you're doing is making too big a deal out of it all. You put women on a pedestal, and then you make the huge mistake of being "easy". I know this sounds like crap, but if you just gush all over a woman, especially one your age, then she's not going to feel like you're a catch. You're no challenge for her so she goes after the "bad guys". Guys that barely notice her (or rather, they act like they don't).
Since I learned this, I get a lot more dates. I walk up to girls and say hello, give them a light compliment, like maybe about whatever they're wearing that looks the best, and then tell her to call me and hand her my number. Then I walk off. I don't ask her if she wants it, I just give it to her. This makes it easy for her to just throw the number away if she's not interested, and it helps you out because you don't have to get your hopes shattered if she passes you a fake number when you ask for hers, and she's the childish type that can't just be a woman and tell you "no thanks".
Also, since some women are still a little old-fashioned and don't want to be the one to call, just try this...
"Hey, what's up?"
she answers... a little confused like..
"I just noticed you from over there and I'd really like to get to know you, but I have somewhere to get to in a hurry. Give me your number and I'lll call you tomorrow. "
Don't ask her for it, tell her to give it to you...subtly, not like some pompous a--hole. This works all the time for me, and I've met some really great women. Most will be polite if they aren't interested, but if they aren't then you really didn't want them anyway, did you? So no harm done!
Good luck....oh yeah...as for your peepee...you can't help what you've got, but you can blow her mind with all sorts of other things. Also, just becasue you're small don't be shy about it. Be confidant in the bed room and the lady will be impressed. Just act like there's nothing wrong and then go to work on her with all your other body parts....there's more than one way to skin a ...oh, never mind. You get the idea. :)

Answer 6

It's not ur fault! Ur seem to be actually pretty nice! The girls that like the bad boys are gonna have a dreadful future so dont think too much bout them. If u were my age, I would prob like u. Dont give up! There will be someone out there that cares about u for certain.
There should be more guys like u.. our world would be a WAY better place!

Answer 7

Yay for the Raconteurs

The women will come later

The bad boys
oh god, those arrogant sons of ______
i must say.. i do understand what girls in general find so attractive about them
and so do all those stereotypes out there

but girls, do CARE about personality
i know for a fact i do
cause there's a certain limitation that looks and money can go
unless you're talking about someone so superficial that it's completely, utterly impossible

Answer 8

girls only think about looks .that is the first thing we look at when we go talk to somebody.but every once and a while a girl will like you for you.everybody has somebody out there.and some people have diffrent types and u might be sombodies type

Answer 9

Well girls DO look for personalities but they also look for looks as well. But the decent ones look for looks in a sense that they want the guy to look decent and clean. Like if he has zits and pimples all over his face it shows that he doesn't take care of his skin, and it looks messy. If he has long hair he looks like he doesn't take proper care of his hair and it looks messy. Girls like me like it when guys look clean, basically, and that's what I look for physically in a guy, because if he is well groomed then that shows his personality could be great too. So if you got some kind of problem with looking tidy, you might want to change that and girls might go for you more, seeing your personality in your looks. You sound like a decent guy. Now show it! :)
I hope I helped!!

Answer 10

well some girls just rele need to grow up
i think that most girls just say that personality stuff but then they go for the guys with the reputation that make them "look good"
u shud just give it time and as soon as they think u could care less then they'll chase you
dont chase them, let them chase you.
lol well i rele hope things work out for you
oh and another thing maybe the girl u like doesnt like you but the girl who likes you is rite there in front of u? hmm i dunno just keep ur eyes open theres some one out there for you
ok good luck byee =]