mother in law?

Question

Scenario:
2.5 years ago, his father left his mother. About a year (more or less) later, his dad moved to America & married another woman. His father his moved on, he has moved on, his siblings have moved on. His mother has not moved on. She is very childish & she depends on her children for her entire emotional support. She's not moved on at all-she still doesn't work, recieves all money in alimony from her dad, and still stays home most of the time depressed, is occasionally suicidal.

My fiance' took a long time to mend ties with his dad & has really began to accept his dad & the new wife. Together they have formed a good relationship.

Well, as you can imagine, she feels that my fiance' should have nothing to do with his dad. She refuses to go to the wedding if the new wife is there. I feel that ALL should be invited, and if she doesn't come, she has to live with it. My fiance' says it will kill him if she's not there, but feels all should be invited as well.

Help please?

Answer 1

I hate to sound rude, but maybe you should tell your fiance that you can have two weddings, one for his mother, and one for the rest of his mature family, and she can pay for the extra one. That seems to be the only option without making your day miserable, now doesn't it?

Answer 2

His mother needs help, serious depression issues are here, and some people do take a long time to recover from a divorce. It's a grieving process, and does require support, maybe from a counsellor, some medication is always a good thing too, Even if she can get out and volunteer, keep her mind busy with other projects, meet other people, this will help the depression as well, Physical activity, like going out for walks everyday is very beneficial, helps get those happy endorphines working. But she also first has to admit that she has a problem, and does need help. As to the wedding issue, you have to give his mom some tough love treatment, and go on with the date of the wedding, enjoy your special day, do not make any special arrangements just for her, I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes a shock treatment like this is what's required. Take care, all the best, and congradulations!!!

Answer 3

Apparently she is still living in the past and is heartbroken that her family was torn apart, unfortunately for you and your soon to be husband it is a bad scenario. I was the new wife at the wedding of the step daughter and it was not so bad. Once the mom realizes that your father-in-law's new wife does not mean to break up the relationship that mom and dad must maintain due to the children things should be OK. Everyone needs to work at this so there is some sort of Harmony in the family. I got lucky. I wish all of you the best. Please be sure to include her in some of the events you guys have, either a special one just for her or a family gathering.

Answer 4

Ahhhh... I feel kinda sorry for the mother in law. Well, cheer her up, take her out and change her mood. Prove to her that there is more to life. Think about your mother in law....eventually she will realise that she can get over it and enjoy her son's wedding with the new misses there aswell.

Goodluck. This has actually worked before.
If her ex and her spoke and sorted it all out that would help as well.

Answer 5

i have just gone through the same thing, almost exactually and we invited them all as it was the riht thing to do and sure enough my mother n law said she wasnt coming but then on the day she changed her mind and it went well we kept them apart and they all had fun. soinvite them all if she wont come that is her fault but i think she wil change her mind.

Answer 6

Invite her to the wedding and whether or not she attends is entirely up to her.