Gender Disappointment: How shallow can people be?

Question

I recently learned a new term: Gender Disappointment, or GD. I found out about this after finding a board with women who "have" this. Apparently they get really worked up over having a baby that isn't the gender they wanted, and go so far as to become really depressed, and think bad thoughts towards people who have kids that are the "right" gender. They even talk about how it affects their relationship with their kid! How shallow is this? Why can't they just be happy they have a healthy, happy baby? Why do they have to make up a pseudo-problem when there's more important, and more serious, things to stress about in the world?

Can someone explain this to me?

Answer 1

It's easy to sit back and ridicule what other people struggle with, really it is. I think it's all about perspective, how realistic a person you are, how you handle disappointments and set backs, yadda yadda yadda. I don't know what kind of person I *might* have been, but losing my first baby a little over half way through my pregnancy, I gained a whole new perspective on having babies. Here I sat, wishing I could have a healthy baby, boy, girl didn't matter, full-term, didn't matter, natural birth, didn't matter....and women were mourning the fact that they had a c-section and didn't get the labor and birth of their dreams/or as you say, gender disappointment. Honestly Folks....get a grip. Of course, that didn't stop me from typing out my labor plan when I did finally have a successful pregnancy, but I was realistic too, and they could have pulled the kid from my ear....as long as I had meds that is. Anyway, off on a tangent. I feel sorry for people who get wrapped up in this stuff, life's waiting to be lived, so I say get your head out of the sand and stop whining about what you don't have. People might call me insensitive, but yeah, so what. Like I said, it's easy to ridicule those who struggle with 'pseudo' issues, it's easy to get frustrated with them, but I suppose we should have a little more compassion? maybe? maybe not.

Answer 2

Well, I can kind of see where people would get this from.......

When I was pregnant, I wanted a girl so badly I could hardly stand it. I dreamed of having my little baby girl. But I knew that my husband wanted a son, so I tried to be pro-boy too. I did not work. well, I had a girl. As soon as I held my baby daughter in my arms I was head over heels in love with her.
She and I have a bond that my husband does not quite get, and is okay with not getting. She is totally a mommy's girl. She wants her mom and no one else sometimes. And I feel totally at east with her, being cuddly and affectionate. I am not sure I would feel the same way if I had a boy.

I would have loved my son just as much as I love my daughter, I am sure of that. But I think it would have been different. I cannot explain why.
I guess this makes me guilty of Gender Preference.

Answer 3

I wanted to have a little girl really bad. Found out I was having a boy and I admit, I was a little disappointed, but I got over it FAST!! Now I couldn't imagine anything other than my son. I don't really understand how someone could have Gender Disappointment a baby is a miracle, no matter what gender. I don't know how people can't feel the same way. How horrible to feel disappointed in your child when it isn't even something the child can control....considering it's the father's sperm that determines the child's sex. I feel sorry for the life that those children are going to have because their parents wanted a different gender. Sad so sad.

Answer 4

I can't imagine this personally. I had an ultrasound done last week and the tech asked me what I wanted. I told her that I don't care as long as it's healthy. That is what is important. However, my ex-husband wanted a boy very badly when I was pregnant with our daughter. He took the day of the morphology scan off because he was so excited, he just knew it was born. I had an inkling it was a girl and I was right. When she told us it was a girl he got extremely upset with me and told me it was all my fault because I wanted a girl. Obviously I have no control over this. He said some very terrible things to me while I was laying there on the table, he just put his head down on the table and acting like a complete idiot in front of everyone. He made me cry and feel bad for no reason. It was one of the worst things he did to me. I don't know how any parent can act like that but I guarantee you they are out there. I just pray to God that I have a healthy pregnancy and baby, nothing more.

Answer 5

iam gonna anwser this question with honesty! when i found out i was having a boy i was verry depressed!i always have wanted a girl so badly i don'tknow whyi felt this way i'd feel that jealousy when i saw baby girls all in pink with the cute little dresses and some of my frinds wont even shop during the holidays cause they can't stand to see all the frilly little cute girl stuff!! i still sometimes wish for a girl DONT GET ME WRONG I LOVE MY SON MORE THAN ANYTHING! but i feel like everything happens for a reason and your blessed with the child that was meant for you i know alot of women who struggle with this and it doesent make us bad moms or evil people!!!

Answer 6

Acftually it's not a "pseudo problem" it is VERY real and has been going on since humans began walking this earth..female children were murdered after birth because male babies were more desirable. In fact in some parts of Asian countries that practice is STILL going on today. The murder of first born female children. So it's not a "new" thing.

Answer 7

I imagine it has to do with a psychological problem. Think about women who hurt their children to get attention, or those who have postpartum depression.
Yes, there are more important things to stress over, but in the minds of these people, there isn't.
If you were one of those who suffered from this, I doubt you would call it a pseudo-problem. It is very real.
I have never suffered from it, but there are many psychological disorders that, if you haven't suffered from them, you might feel are pseudo-problems.
Not trying to upset anyone, but I think we all know that pregnant women can be a little bit crazy. It's not their fault. It's a mixture of a hormonal and psychological problem.

Answer 8

"Why do they have to make up a pseudo-problem when there's more important, and more serious, things to stress about in the world?"

I couldn't have said it better myself. In a world where everything is catered to our individual needs (ipods instead of radios, DVDs in the backs of our huge mini-vans, instant access to information, etc.), we become more self-involved. Since when did having children become all about what the parent wants?

I think this has always been a problem- we just didn't have a fancy acronym for it.

Answer 9

When I became pregnant I wanted a girl so bad I had her name picked out and everything, then came the day that I got my ultrasound and I was having a boy! I cried for about week, then I started thinking and I really didnt care what I had as long as it was healthy. Well now my son is 2 and I promise you I couldnt imagine having anything different he is so much fun!

Answer 10

When I first got pregnant with our first child...i knew instantly that i was having a boy, and i got my boy...the little love of my life...i didnt want a girl... I kinda thought I would have another boy, due to the timing of intercourse...werent trying for a boy, but it just worked out that way...then my mother in law started telling me she dreamed I was having a girl...so i went to my ultrasound thinking maybe a girl would be nice...but its another boy. I walked out of there feeling so happy and blessed to be the mother of 2 boys. I really dont understand this GD thing...I would have been happy with whatever gender...all we wanted was a healthy baby.