Do i have a right to be angry? They are millionaires.?

Question

I have been with my partner for 6 years. We have a 2 year old daughter. My partner works very hard and has 2 jobs to support us. We are trying to buy a home but his wage is still very low. Too low for a decent mortgage. His parents are millionaires. They are in the middle of buildings estates on their farm land. 100's of houses. There will also be shops, apartments and have just received 1 million for part of their land to build a new school. They have just moved into a new 5 bed house themselves. His father is 68 and mother 50. Just bought a holiday home. Which for some reason they dismiss the question when we ask to stay there. We are hoping to buy a house from them which has been promised for the past 3 years. They just dont seem to want to help us. We are now living with my mum in a small house to save some money to buy. My partner has never asked for anything. They dont even buy xmas presents. I see their wealth and cant help feel sad that my partner and my child get nothing.

Answer 1

I never understand people like this, we will do everything possible to help our children, they are only 4 and 1 and we are already saving for their future, my daddy bought houses for all his grandchildren (3 of them), (he's a property developer) so thankfully he was in a position to do so and we will be forever grateful, his motto is "as long as there is blood in my bones my children and grandchildren will never want for anything" and the fact that your in-laws have all the money in the world I fond it disgusting that they wont help you's with your own house, I also cannot believe that they dont buy presents for any of you, i would cut my losses and break all ties with this family they are only making you sad and you dont need that

Answer 2

That does seem rather harsh. I know all parents are different in how much they are willing to do in supporting their adult children. I think there's a lot out there that would give the shirt off their back to help if they had to. My mom supports my sister, who is in her 20's (and has suffered from some mental health issues, from which she is finally stabilizing) My husband's parent too, always support their children, in any way they can and help out with anything.
So, no, I do not understand why some parents choose not to help their children (even if they are grown up) Maybe they hear stories of children who use up their parents money and dont' even appreciate it and just feel entitled to it. Maybe they are afriad of that treatment. Or maybe they are just very tough and stoic. Maybe they don't believe in "handouts". It would be interesting to know if they were always rich or if they started with nothing.

Since you do struggle so much, I know it hurts when the people you are supposed to go to for support do not support you. But it doesn't sound like anything will change. And getting angry won't help.
Unfortunately, you can't count on them for help, so just keep doing the best you can.

Answer 3

I hope you dont take offence at my answer, but I'm just trying to give two sides to this. I have money and I find that everyone expects me to pick up the tab and give them a free ride. It always puts me in a sensitive position because if I dont pay, then I'm tight, but if I do pay, them I'm flash and it's expected regulaly when no-one offers to pay for something for me because they say I can afford it, when members of my family are treated all the time because they can't. I find this very upsetting because I only have money now because I worked two jobs for twelve hours a day to buy property that I then sold at a huge profit. Im now disabled, so I cant work anymore, so my money has to supplement my benefits to live nicely for the next few years rather than struggle. But, because I made my money myself, I do believe that I appreciate it more because no-one gave me a start or deposit or anything to help me, I owe to no-one. Do you know what im trying to say. If they help you out you will be beholden to them and you wont want that in the long run even if it might help now. Do it yourslef, then no-one can take the credit for it when you get there. Good luck

Answer 4

You might have the right to be angry, but there seems to be a lot more to this situation,, maybe they wrote him off because of you,or the fact that you are not married. could be a number of things. or because he didn't do what they thought best for him, I don't understand about the child because a grandchild is a GRANDCHILD no matter the parents. It might be a struggle, but they are the loosers in the long run, and you will have greater pride in accomplishing thing s your selves. Nothing is ever easy and getting help from them would be a bitter bite to swallow.

Answer 5

I can understand where you are coming from on this one but you have also got to remember that it is their money. Your husband seems a good guy, perhaps he wishes to make it on his own rather than asking for his parents help? Maybe try to get him to ask for a loan from his parents explaining the situation. Then that way he will still have made it with out too much help. As for the Xmas issue sounds a tad tight but perhaps that is how they were brought up and don't think. Or they could be just saving up for a big present for you guys?

Hope that things improve for you.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

My husbands family is very well of themselves while we struggle. However, they are not obligated to give anything. It would be nice if they could give you a break, but realize that it's worth it to work for something yourself even if it's not as grand as their home might be. I am happy right where I am with my kids and family. Once in a while, they buy the kids new clothes or take us on a little vacation. Because we don't expect anything from them, these little gestures are a nice surprise. Also, you haven't talked about your relationship with them. Is it close?

Answer 8

There are no "rights or wrongs" when it comes to emotions. You feel what you feel. And it sounds as if you have a basis - and a good one - for being angry. Perhaps, in addition to anger, you are jealous or resentful. It is understandable Your partner's parents are either selfish - or they want your partner to earn their own way in life and are "teaching a lesson". In spite of your anger do not act out. Instead, consider having your partner write a letter to their parents. This type of letter uses the "When you ----------- I feel -------" formula. By this I mean they would say things like "When you don't offer us help, financially, I feel angry and unwanted or neglected". After discussing things that have lead up to the anger, and expressing feelings (no cursing, please) - then let them know how they can make the relationship improve. Your partner may say "I would like to have a loving, close and respectful relationship with both of you - and I hope that you want one with me and my partner". Continue with the following " to turn things around I wish you would __________" (fill in the blanks). Then you might want to promise something in return.
"If you are willing to _________________, then I will continue working to become closer, and will forgive and forget the past".

Just a few ideas from a Therapist.
All of us feel anger - hopefully we don't seek revenge - but few of us express it correctly or try to correct the situations.

Best of luck.

Answer 9

You may have a right to be angry, but it's not going to help you to be angry. The parents seem selfish. But maybe they have their own reasons to withhold gifts to their son.

At any rate, anger is going to eat away at you. It won't help you one bit in achieving your goal of buying a home.

Make your own plan for buying a home instead of waiting for his parents to help you. Go online and look at the government programs offered by HUD. Check out financial advice on CNN and AOL.

Try this:
http://www.hud.gov/buying/comq.cfm

Answer 10

Steady now when your partner inherits the lot, will your daughter
be reciting your words in twenty or so years.I accept that your partner works very hard ,but would you want to be handed everything on a plate, whenever you get a whim then there would be no enjoyment.Surely working hard although it's a b***ache makes it all the more enjoyable.Enjoy it when you get it,Good Luck