My family has hurt and hurt me and I have felt obligated to allow them in my and my kids lives. After turning 30 I moved an hour away and just stopped explaining how they hurt me. I stopped 'trying to work it out'. I stopped giving into guilt and manipulation. They dont' have much to do with me or my kids now. How do I let go of the guilt and obligation I feel? Keeping my mother from her daughter. Keeping my grandparents from their great grandkids. Keeping my mom from the role of a grandmother. I know they did this to themselves and had many years of warning to 'stop' treating me and my kids like this. How do I set myself free from the obligation of having them in my life.
2007-02-25 09:48:20 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
they can't see it and blame me for being rebellious and deceived. They ask 'wouldn't you even come to our funeral?' I just don't want anything to do with them
2007-02-25 09:49:29 · update #1
From personal experience, I do not believe that there must be a certain level of "obligation" to a family member based on relationship or blood. It is something that is earned, like respect. It took me a long time to understand this and be able to live with my decisions.
As an adult and parent I am sure you are only doing what you have reasoned out to be the best for you and your children. Do not feel bad about making a decision based on how you and your family is treated. I believe your family is the one that should be feeling guilty.
Should they make the necessary changes to make you want to be near them again, then so be it. Until then do what is right for you and your family without looking back.
Everyday you live is another day that you will never live again, so try and live you life as best you can. I am sorry your family has made you feel this way. I can assure you that you are not alone.
How we feel about certain events in our lives all comes down to what frame of mind we want to have. We control our feelings, not vice versa.
Good luck! (Hope this helps)
2007-02-25 10:04:24 · answer #1 · answered by U812B4 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You might have heard this famous saying. "you can choose your friends, but your stuck with your family. [or something like that] .
You have to learn to stand up for what you believe is right immediately in their faces when confronted by an untruth by family.
Maybe they just 'get off' putting u down & making u feel bad. Hey, enough is ENOUGH. Screw them if they continue after u warned them. If the grandparents are 'playing into' the game. Too bad for them. They should have learned this long before u were born.
I hope this helps. Sometimes one has to be DIRECT . . .
2007-02-25 18:14:56 · answer #2 · answered by Jim W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe practise, practise, practise. The more you keep denying them and reassuring yourself that you are right in doing so, the easier it will get over time. Unfortunately having a good conscience is what keeps us feeling guilty. The more you affirm to yourself that it is the best for your children not just yourself, and you have made a good choice on behalf of your children, the guilt will gradually go away.
2007-02-25 20:58:54 · answer #3 · answered by BrutalNerd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What exactly is going on?
2007-02-25 18:12:09 · answer #4 · answered by sunflowerdaisy94 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋