My step mom is hurt and I need advice?

Question

I recently decided not to let my little girl and boy stay at grandparnts overnight. This is due to many nightmares of m,y father abusing me. I am working with therapist, and still bring the kids over to visit nearly every week, but my step mom told me she is uneasy around me, like walkin on eggshells, cause it is clear I dont trust them with the kids. She knows already why I feel this wayand expects that a little talk my dad and I had cured my fears, but it did not.She made me feel like Lowly the worm, for making dad look like chester the molester, but I cannot go against my heart, and I hate hurting her, but she blames me for all this, for creating a problem where there shouldnt be one, ect, ect. Help!!!!!!

Answer 1

words can'te express how rough this is for you. she should understand why you feel the way you do and not hold it against you. you need to do what you think is right for your children. you know what they say. "mom's know best" i would totally keep them away from them, i would just take them over to visit. i don't feel as if there is anything else that you can do to justify your actions. your reason for doing this should be clear. hopefully she will understand someday. hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 2

I think that your mom should be a little more understanding and try to do a little more to ease the fears that you have. By dismissing the fear that you have and ultimately have for your children, she is invalidating a very tramatic experience that you had. You have to build that trust again...when it was totally depleted as a child. Perhaps start by longer visits, then gradually work up to something else. If your children are old enough to report any type of abuse to you then, by all means tell them that they need to tell you if someone hurts them, make sure there is a clear understanding of "abuse" meaning physical, mental, verbal and sexual. Once you are clear that they understand that, have faith and let them go, HOWEVER if EVER there is a report of abuse to you, then the visits can take an abrupt halt. You are not wrong for being in fear for your children--if someone had that gut instinct and fear for you--wanting to protect you at whatever cost--this wouldn't be a problem now. I commend you for your strength, protect your children the best you can!!!

Answer 3

Your children are your responsibility. If he molested you he is capable of molesting your children. Do not leave them alone with him day or night. The best you can do is tell you step mom that it is your decision. You might pacify her by saying you doubt he would do it to your children but as their parent you just can't take the chance. But you honestly don't even owe her that. DO NOT give in. Tell her that the time you and your children visit should be happy and if her constant pressure and comments don't stop the visits will. Stand strong. You are your children's best defense in this situation. Don't let them down.

Answer 4

Good for you for protecting your kids! You are doing the right thing. Your step mom wasn't there when the abuse took place nor does she knows how you feel. so honestly, she needs to butt out. Let her know that different people handle abuse situations differently and a talk with the abuser is not always the right thing to do.

Answer 5

You are already giving the children far more exposure than I would. Your stepmother is in denial about her pedophile husband. Follow your instincts as a parent and don't worry about what she or anyone else thinks. If she continues to try to make you feel bad, you should respond by discontinuing any contact at all. She is the one with the problem, not you.

Answer 6

Do whats right by your kids no matter what she or anyone else thinks. If he abused you chances are he will abuse your children too. Don't put them in harms way. You know how the abuse you suffered has affected your life, do you really want that for your children? Your step mother is being selfish. I wouldn't worry about how she feels on this one, just protect your babies.

Answer 7

I applaud you for your courage in protecting your kids and for getting help for yourself. I don't give a rip how your stepmom feels, your first priority is to your kids. You do not want them to be going thru what you did, or what you still struggle with now, do you? Besides, if she really cared about you and your kids she would be more understanding towards you, and wouldn't even be pushing the issue. Hurt? You are the one who should be hurt - not her! I'd be angry with her. Don't worry about it, and if she pushes it, I'd let her have it!

Answer 8

Do what's right fr your children and their safety. but, does your stepmom know what you went through as a child because if she doesn't she shouldn't blame you she should blame your father because he taumatized you and know you're scared out of your mind he might do the same thing to your children you're just looking out for them. Just follow your heart and most likely your stepmom will understand your situation because you are trusting your instinct.

Answer 9

Ignore your step mom. They are your kids and if your father abused you you should have every right not bring your kids over for visits. Your step mom should be more empathetic.

Answer 10

ok first of all im sorry he abused you!! anyway if your step-mom is that mad because of something you feel so strongely about then theres a problem. your dad did that to you and you dont want him to do that to your kids.....your dad and step-mom need to get that in their heads!! i would talk to them and let them no how you feel. and if they get mad then i guess they dont care about how you feel...and thats not a family.