My partner is a drinker and most evenings he will drink either 8 cans of lager or 2 big bottles of cider or a bottle of vodka in one night and also smoke 10 cigarettes maybe over 2 nights - if it is a weekend he could do 4 cans of lager and a bottle of vodka.
Apart from he is slowly killing our relationship what damage is this doing to his body? He was a drinker when I met him but over the past few years he has gotten worse - he drinks because it helps him deal with stress and he recently got told that due to leg ulcers he cannot return to work so he is major stressed out.
I just want to know what I am facing if I stay bearing in mind I work and have 2 children to also take care of - I keep thinking if I go it will make him worse but if I stay can I really put my daughters through seeing him get ill all because he couldn't stop drinking.
2007-02-25 08:43:42 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Other - Health
andygames07 - I don't want to walk away from him - he is my soulmate - however he doesn't think he has a problem, all my family keep telling me to leave and then he may face up to it but he told me before that if me and the girls went he would have nothing left to live for, I have been told that he needs to do it for himself - so do I stay and let him carry on until one day he wakes up or do I leave and hope and pray that he doesn't do any harm to himself - either way I am the one that has to make the decision that could make or break him
2007-02-25 09:09:26 · update #1
Ammo
I'm sorry to hear about what's going on. Also, don't listen to some of the daft responses listed above - I think this is due to a lack of insight on their part.
Your fella has the following problems...
1. He is depressed
2. He has ulcers, making the depression worse
3. He's drinking far too much (and smoking) due to the depression.
You haven't mentioned why he has ulcers. Does he have diabetes or is it a vascular cause - painful calves when he walks or climbs stairs?
Either way, cigarettes reduce blood flow to the limbs so his ulcers will take even longer to heal. His alcohol intake is excessive - the government guidelines for blokes states 20 units a week whereas your fella is having more than that in a night. This will be causing liver damage and he is probably malnourished secondary to this - both of which add to his ulcer problems.
However, getting someone who is feeling low and depressed to give up the booze and fags is going to be difficult. Whenever you discuss the drink and fags with him he will feel he is letting everyone down and this will add to his depression.
Your fella's first step is to get himself to the GP who can help with his depression, but again this may prove easier said than done. So, you need to make an appointment to see your GP. Explain to him everything that is going on (be totally honest with the doc about your fella's alcohol intake as it is an important factor) and I am sure he or she will be of help.
In the meantime the daft sod needs support so that he knows you are on his side and that you want to help.
Good luck - and make that appointment ASAP. If the miserable GP receptionist gives you any grief about wanting an early appointment then ask to speak direct to the GP. It's a little known fact that you are totally within you rights to speak to the doctor direct on the phone and not via the dragon of a receptionist. The GP will phone you back once their surgery has finished.
PS Sorry to any 'nice' GP receptionists - you are a rare breed!!
2007-02-25 09:55:37 · answer #1 · answered by Dr Kildare 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, if he doesn't stop drinking he is not going to live very long. His liver will blow out on him.
He says that drinking helps with stress....but really it doesn't...it just masks over it....'cos the stress is there again when he is sober!
Also, alcohol is a depressant and slows down lots of bodily functions and while it may make him feel better at the time it WILL cause depression etc.
He will probably need help giving up alcohol from professionals....the sooner the better.
He also needs to LEARN coping strategies for stress so that he doesn't rely on drink and so he can actually go about resolving the stresses.
The place where he is now is on the road to destruction and each day he drinks, he goes further down that road.
It is only HE who can help himself. You CANNOT help him. It may well be a good idea to leave now with your daughters so they do not have to witness all this.....wait til he has sought help and has been sober for some time before considering returning.
By helping him, staying with him etc. he has NO reason to give up. He gets by. If you really want to help him...then you need to be strong and let him decide enough is enough with the drink issue.
I hope this helps, best wishes
2007-02-25 08:53:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for your trouble Ammo. I know just what you are going through as I went through a similar situation with a very fine young man. (no kids though). This person is first-rate and is still my best friend, but I had to go as it was killing me to watch him kill himself this way. He was a party person when I met him and I didn't try to change him, I was just very realistic about the situation and knew it wouldn't last. It was hard and very sad, but I am glad that we are no longer involved as bf-gf.
Sorry I haven't been very helpful. If he can it would be best for him to get into a rehab program. If he can't do that you should put some distance between him and your children.
2007-02-25 09:21:18 · answer #3 · answered by Sereny 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, he has to admit to himself first that he has a problem or there is no point in seeking help. I think the fact that he has got leg ulcers (which is due to bad circulation) should make him think that his health is suffering. I am a nurse and i have seen first hand at what long term alcohol abuse can do to people, it destroys them not just physically but mentally as well. Think about your family, they are priority and your man will have to sort himself out, and he will if he cares about you, good luck x
2007-02-25 09:30:45 · answer #4 · answered by lisa l 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont walk away from him but walk with him to a cente that deals with alchol problems
go see your doctor go with him and show your suport to him
dont back off from the problem but confront it
hope all oes well and good luck
2007-02-25 08:57:22 · answer #5 · answered by andygames07 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Besides his body
he is also damaging yours and your childrens lives. He should stop or you should leave. Sorry to be so blunt, but that is how things go from here - only to worse :-/
2007-02-25 08:48:00 · answer #6 · answered by M 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
talk to him, ask him if he realises what he is doing to himself & to your relationship, if he doesnt seem bothered or says "its not a problem" the for your sake & your children you have consider leaving. that may be hard but it not going to get better
2007-02-26 01:23:11 · answer #7 · answered by R I P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hes killing himself in time his organs will pack up and he will die
he needs to stop but not because you want him to that wont work it has to be for himself
look on uncommonforum.com in their drinking section for more details
good luck x
2007-02-25 08:48:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's going to get worse whether he's with you or not.
Do what you need to do to protect your own mental health and your daughters.
2007-02-25 08:51:18 · answer #9 · answered by T J 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow ammo- u seem to be going thru very similar circumstances as me!i have just posted a very similar question.
2007-02-25 08:51:59 · answer #10 · answered by mixed up chick 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋