My sister in law was going to be my bridesmaid, but she has just split up with her husband (the groom's brother) So it is looking unlikely. I'm really sad :-( I have also spent £150 on a dress which won't be worn, but is it too late to ask someone else? Is it more offensive to ask someone as a "reserve" and better to just cut my losses?
2007-02-25 07:46:03 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Sorry, the wedding is May 5.
2007-02-26 04:49:55 · update #1
If you came to me and explained the situation and asked if I would replace her I would do it in a heart beat and wouldnt feel in the least bit offended that I wasnt asked initially.
However, I would speak to you SIL first, she may still be feeling that out of obligation she should stand up with you and you want to let her off the hook easily and tell her that, due to recent circumstances, you dont expect her to do it any longer and that you hold no ill will about the wedding. I'm not sure what you should do if she insists on still doing it though, do you think she would do that? I mean you wouldnt want her to do it, she would be in your pictures forever and if they dont reconcile you will be very unhappy each time you look through your album. So I hope she agrees that she should step down as your attendant.
Good luck.
2007-02-25 09:09:04 · answer #1 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could still have your sister-in-law but it could put a damper on the whole wedding as it could be a strain for many in the inlaws side. However if her ex husband and your mother and father-in-law to be don't mind AND she still wants to fine. However, I don't think anyone would be offended under the circumstances if you explained the situation and asked them to be bridesmaid. Also a proper seamstress (be careful here) who has great experience of wedding dresses, say recommended from where you purchased your dress or other wedding shops can do wonders as in taking out/taking in the dress etc. At the end of the day you are going to have to have another witness anyway so if you picked the dress and really like it why shouldn't you have it??? Good luck and best wishes.
2007-02-25 12:10:35 · answer #2 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could have a reserve in case - but it might be better to just have a different number of men then women. This has been done before - you just improvise a little. Instead of having each groomsman escort a bridesmaid - have the men all stand at the front and the bridesmaids walk alone. For dancing - instead of having the whole wedding party dance together, have just the maid of honor and best man dance together - or have one of the groomsmen dance with their spouse/girlfriend.
BUT - if the brother is in the weddign party, first you should ask the brother what he would prefer in case one of the two options makes him feel out of place or uncomfortable. Being the odd guy out may make him feel awkward. On the other hand, having a replacement in his wife's place may just be an unpleasant reminder of the situation he is in.
2007-02-25 10:23:28 · answer #3 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you still friends with her, if so can't they all put there differences aside just for one day for you and your new husband. If you have someone else to ask I am sure, if they are a true friend and you explain to them what as happened they would step in for you. Failing that don't let it spoil your day cut youre losses and have a great day. Remember it is about you and your future and no amount of money can buy happiness. £150 may sound a lot but I am sure you will have more than that in happiness. Enjoy your day and let the rest of them look after them selves. My mum would not sit a front of church with my dad as she did not like my man. I have been married 32 happy years now and mum came round and they were the biggest of friends before she passed away. All the very best, have a lovely day. Forget the rest and think of the man you are going to start the new chapter of you'r life with.
2007-02-25 08:13:58 · answer #4 · answered by Eunice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be better just to cut your losses. I don't know many people who would like to be asked to be a bridesmaid as a stand in. Also all the guests will be saying "well you know that should of been So & so" which will just make gossip and speculation. If you just cut your losses it will hopefully be out of sight out of mind. I am not saying that you want to forget your sister in law but it will probably be better for everyone on your wedding day.
2007-02-25 07:52:36 · answer #5 · answered by Jolly Jo Jo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got lucky with my wedding. A similar situation happened to me where the bridesmaid backed out of the wedding after the dress was bought and such. Lucky for me, a few days later, a friend I'd lost contact with but who was my best friend called out of the blue to wish me a happy birthday. I asked her to be in my wedding and she said yes.
If you have some close friend that is not in the wedding, I think it would be ok to ask them to fill in. If they are a good friend, they won't be offended.
2007-02-25 09:06:23 · answer #6 · answered by Amy Lynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When's the wedding? If it's next week it probably is too late to ask someone else. If it's in a couple of months, then ask a good friend, I'm sure they won't mind, and if the dress doesn't fit, get it altered, the yellow pages will have a list of dressmakers who can do alterations.
2007-02-25 07:57:06 · answer #7 · answered by Jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your sister in law -( your husband-to-be`s brothers ex-wife) is still your friend - I think it is the right thing to do to stick to the original plan and let her put the dress on. . If your soon-to-be family cannot accept a siviliced devorce, and act accordingly, ( as common as that is in US!!) I would not marry at all if i were you. Friendship doesnt die because of such an event that has nothing to do with you. Statistics tells us that you will probably divorce your man within a few years time anyway, and then you`ll stay there alone. No girlfriend - because you stood her up, and everyone in in your ex-family will hate you - as they do her. Nothing is as important as friendship. And she needs you now!!Greeting from Norway.
2007-02-25 08:13:13 · answer #8 · answered by unanski 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How unfortunate.
I would definitely ask a friend hun as you need a bridesmaid and after spending all that money on the dress you want to get use out of it.
2007-02-25 22:42:59 · answer #9 · answered by laplandfan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a friend you could potentially ask? If you do, and you really don't feel comfortable asking them to do it, you could work it so that you are a friend discussing a problem with a friend. That way, if she feels comfortable doing this, it's her suggestion and, chances are, she won't feel like she was a reserve choice. Incidentally, she may understand being asked as a backup since it is tradition to ask family first and then friends when it comes to assembling a bridal party.
2007-02-25 09:15:59 · answer #10 · answered by Patricia D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋