What do I do about my step children?

Question

I have 3 African American step children. I am caucasion. It seems like all they care about is partying and boys. They have grew up in the ghetto around so much violence. I want to move out of this enviroment and get them into a better neighborhood and much better enviroment. The 13 year old got into a horrible fight with another girl. It took 2 ADULT MEN to pull the two apart. They listen to all this rap music and go to all these block parties and stuff and are absolutly upsessed with this man called lloyd(the username that one of them typed is above) There was this nice boy dressed properly and there was this other boy sagging jeans long braids etc etc she chose him instead of the other boy. Should I just keep my mouth shut or do something about it? I bet they have had sex. They have no respect for themselves. The wear all these inappropriate clothes etc etc I just do not know what to do.

Also I am caucasion and grew up in a caucasion home and neighborhood and never saw violence like this.

Also I am caucasion and grew up in a caucasion home and neighborhood and never saw violence like this.

f course the dad is in th epicture. H does care just doesn't know what to do.

NO NO LLOYD IS A SINGER.

yaboilloyd.net

NO NO NO LLOYD IS A SINGER

www.yaboilloyd.net

Answer 1

It is going to take more than you to change this situation. You and the father need to sit down and decide what is best for them. After all they are under the age of 18. If moving seems to be the best then what is stopping you? Money? Of course you could still move and see some of this. They also see it at school and friends home. One thing you two have to instill in them in value for self worth. If they already have no respect for themselves it may be harder. One thing is a given...you took these children has your own when you married their father, so no you don't have to keep you mouth shut, but remember children will do better with praise then yelling.

Answer 2

I'm an African American woman. I understand exactly what you were saying. I didn;t grow up in the ghetto but i din't grow up in the burbs either. Instead of silently judging them teach them. There father isn't a woman, his *** doesn't know! Honey there is nothing wrong with rap music and partying. I did it. Now, i'm a computer programmer in The Air Force but i had to African American parents who cared enough to put there foot down and teach me. It's a part of growing up. You live and you learn. I've been through my share of fights too, but it only made me a stronger person. I liked short shorts, tight shirts, but i knew there was a time and a place. Honestly, honey, if you want these girls to become better women sit down and talk them about their real dreams and goals.Find out where they want to be in 3 years. Help them to get there!! I know they that know you secretly despise they're life styles, because there is an aura people give off. Thats why they won't listen. Remind you that i'm 20 yrs old, i have a career, and i make good money. With the right guidance, those girls could still be more than you see them as now! Trust me, i know!! You have to believe in them and tell them you see their full ponetial thats why u stay on them. Just because they are how they are now, doesn't mean they will always be that way. Put more effort into the good, than you do into their "Ghetto" mind states. Like i said before they are still women. They stil have the same things you do. We all go through the same things, just in different ways. Those are your children now too. I'm pretty sure their father is ghetto too! You have to find the same thing in them that you found in him! If they have no mother fighure, show them. If you want me too, i will talk them!! Stay Strong!! It may look rough now, but this to shall pass! GOD BLESS!!

Answer 3

Are you raising these kids by yourself, or is there a father in the picture somewhere? Either way, I think you and these children need family counseling. The girls seem to be headed in the wrong direction, but it's not too late to nip this destructive behavior in the bud, before it gets any more out of hand. You need help, dear. And if the father isn't around, or doesn't care, then get yourself to a counselor and learn some better parenting skills. The situation will just get worse if you don't. Good luck!

Answer 4

Firstly-It sounds as though you care enough for these kids to want the best for them-that is great.

It is never easy raising some one else's kids-but you have made your bed i guess you would have to lie on it.

You are their gaurdian now and take full responsibility for them- so they would need to acknowledge that and go by your rules- be stern on them and set boundries- not forgetting hat you can never choose the right men for them, but you can do is advise them-sit them down -let them know about life and respect-let them trust you and see that you care as i have.

They are also at an age were they are rebelious,there is this teen thing and peer pressure-so don't be too hard on them as this may push them further away.They may not know any better .

Were they grew up may play a big role in their current actions- but this does not mean that it is exceptable as every one chooses theire own destiny- so try set an example and this eventually would rub off on them- it may take a while. But nothing ventured nothing gained"

It may be that you are afraid to approach the situation-as u feel they may retaliate and rebell- that could be true= but as a parent-rather you fail trying -than not trying at all.

What u can not take away from them is their culture-but you can teach them to respect themselves and te meaning of self worth.

Personally i feel at the age of 13 they should not be behaving in that manner-going to block parties is not even an option.Set the rules and they need to live by them. Not too sure if u have spoken to the dad as yet, but he too needs to be made aware of their actions and as a father he should want the best for his kids- so together you two need to lay the foundation.

By shutting up would be a sign of weakness, let alone a lack of concern- it is never too late to make a difference-i suggest you start today.

Rome was never built in one day.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Have you gotton the You are not my mother bit yet.
You and your husband need to have a talk about change with your / his kids.
But it has to be in a sneaky way, Get the book/ do a search Who Stole my Cheese, print it out from on line.
It is great for learning change. Hem and Haw, Sniff and Scurry are little mouse's learning how to deal with problems of change.

Right from wrong they already know, and choose their own....change is what they need to learn now.

also some of the things TR said still hold true today, he was big on change. look up...
Quotations from the speeches and other works of
Theodore Roosevelt

He was a wise man, and knew how to say things. Something that we all so much need to learn how to do.
Do not try preaching or telling them how wrong they are and how right you are, they will not listen to reasons and laying down of the law.
They are old enough to learn consequences...so teach that to them.
Cut off the money. Do not have money for kids that disobey parents.

Answer 6

You obviously love these girls. Talk to their dad and set up a game plan. How about going into their closets and getting rid of all of that inappropriate clothing? Set a curfew. Ask to meet their friends and boyfriends. All of them. Before they are allowed to go out again. If you object to someone put your foot down and say NO.

Make sure their dad is willing to back you up on all of this. It is going to take a team effort to get the girls to straighten up.

I wish you the best of luck. It won't be easy but sometimes you have to love children enough to be tough with them. They won't be happy with you right away but someday they will be grateful that you cared enough to intervene.

Answer 7

you can't judge them you are not their mother do not assume they have had sex just because they are black young girls in the ghetto { don't call it the ghetto if you don't know what it means} you are their step mother tell their father about your concerns bring them to the doctor to make sure they don't have any stds then move it is your best bet if you can't move tell your husband to give them boundaries like a cerfew or no phonecalls after a certain time things like that they won't like it but they will get used to it { girls are very sneaky they will find a way around your new rules so look very closely}

Answer 8

You are the parent. They are the children. You should be more assertive with the girls. Tell them NO!!! Why allow them to go to parties? Why buy them inappropriate clothing? As for Lloyd ..... talk to an attorney. The girls aren't of legal age but it sounds like he is.

Answer 9

They'll grow out of the whole ghetto thing but don't try to cahnge them... Most girls love a bad boy cos he knows how to take care of her... Make sure no one hurts her and he's tough! Just try hanging out with them... Go to their parties with them... And try to look at it from their perspective, they'll think your nuts at first but after a while, they'll start to accept you into their world. but dont and I repeat "DONT" get all up in their grill! It cool your worried about them, but these kids were raise in the ghetto, they can handle anything that comes their way, just have their backs!