is it better to define a relationship or just ride it out and see where it takes you?

Question

My guy had his heart broken about a year ago, and doesnt know whether he wants to start a new relationship. We've been seeing each other 6 months and he says we're happy and shouldnt need to define anything. i have a great time with him but i'm scared ill get hurt if i stay and he decides this is not what he wants.

Answer 1

We all feel the same way about rejection. Ironically, that's what is holding him back.

You are not completely in there permanently. If you cannot wait, you will get hurt. The choice is yours. Either be patient or be nice to him when you go.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, we all have had a heartbreak in our lives. It is just part of life. You didnt describe what this guy's heartbreak was so I cant be too specific but my take on things like this is that if you cant get over a heartbreak in one year then maybe you need to reevaulate yourself.

Often guys use the, "I got hurt in the past," excuse as a ruse to avoid commitment. I am not suggesting that your guy is doing that; I'm only pointing out that many guys do. What it comes down to is that you appear ready for a real relationship while he would rather avoid that right now. That's fine--for now.

If your guy continues to dwell on his past relationship then that is his problem not yours. You are really the one who has to make a decision here. If you are content with the way things are for now then by all means continue this way. If you feel that you are at a point in life where you want more and he doesnt see things the same way, then you know what the right thing to do is. Since it sounds like you have already discussed this with the guy then deep down inside you already know the answer. You dont need (or want) to give ultimatums to him but if you want a well defined relationship then that is entirely your right. You didnt cause the previous heartbreak so you shouldnt be paying for it. Finding an emtionally healthy person these days can be quite the challenge.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I am kinda in the same situation I have only been seeing my guy for 2 months and he says he as been hurt and he just wants to see where it will go and that is fine with me but I truly feel that when a guy says this the you may not the only one he is seeing if y'all are in a one on one relationship why cant he define the relationship for you I know that you have a great time with him but why should you sit around and waste your time on a what might happen just tell him that if he cant define y'alls relationship that you think yall should just be friends and hang out then you can see what happens may I ask how old you are and him as well

Answer 4

Obviously u two arent on the same level as far as feelings. Does he not value you enough to call you his woman that he cares about and thinks about you all the time. And wants to show you off? Some guys are just content with the way things are and don't want to label the relationship, so when he gets bored he can just leave without him going through the emotional pain. Sex is great, he can have it anytime and you're cool with it. He's on top of the world. Either get on his level and treat it as a casual relationship or get the hell out, your feelings are going to get hurt.

Answer 5

Honestly, the best way to go about this is to take a half-and-half approach. Yes, spontaneity is good, as is freedom; but if he's hanging back, I think he isn't making an equal effort, which could be trouble in the long run. Don't be afraid to cut him some slack, but do try to encourage him to take a more active part. And all relationships have some risk; if he decides that he doesn't want to go the full route, well, life happens. Best to try and see, though.

One point; as long as he can see that you're not out to deliberately break his heart, I don't see why he'd want to bail out on you. Keep that in mind as you go on with this.

Answer 6

you can put whatever definition on it you like and that will not keep him from leaving if he decides to! as far as putting definition on it that is up to what the 2 of you want to do with each other! I have been hurt bad in a relationship too and i don't think i want to put any more definition on the one i am in now however i will tell you that she means the world to me and i don't see the possibility of me ever wanting to just up and leave! I say you two need to discuss it in detail with each other and listen to how each other feels about it and make a decision together!

Answer 7

He can only speak for himself and not for you as to how happy you both are with your situation and the "need to define anything." I wouldn't ride it out. Not enough stability. It seems to me like he might be waiting to see if something or someone "better" comes along. If you aren't completely content (and you must not be or this wouldn't be an issue for you), at least one of you needs to make up your mind, either to try to make it or to just break it.

Answer 8

Well,first of all you need to find that out without making him find out that it is about a relationship.I think you should stay safe and find out exactly how it is that you can help him even if in the end you end up losing. First just be a friend to him and then if you are genuine to him he will see that, then you might get the opportunity to be his girlfriend.
Goodluck.

Answer 9

I think it is important to define a relationship. Discuss with him what his expectations are of you and let him know what you expect from him. It is best to know these things early in the relationship so nothing leads to disappointment by just seeing where things go.

Answer 10

He already wants it to be casual. He is just keeping his options open. You obviously have feelings for him but, he doesn't feel the same or he would feel sure about you and would trust you with his heart. This guy just doesn't want to commit. He is using you. don't be his fool. you should look for somebody who can trust you that you can have a mature relationship with.