Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year now he's 23 and i'm 20 and we love eatchother so much and both of us have issues. I suffer from depression and anxiety and he has trouble with anger management. So basically i'm sad all the time and he gets stressed and angry alot but together some how we are happy.Basically what happend is he got home late from helping a friend fix his car and i wanted to talk to him but he wanted to sleep. He gets up at 7am in the morning to go to work and at the time it was 5am. He kept getting frustrated cuz i was getting mad that he wouldnt talk to me and give me the affection that i wanted at the time. We got into an arguement and he said a badword to me so i slapped him out of anger than he slapped me back. As soon as he did it he knew he did wrong and he apologized right away. He has apologized all day and says that he still wants to be with me and says he'll even go to counseling. Should i stay with him if he goes to counseling?
2007-02-25 07:23:37 · 19 answers · asked by Lady B 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Yes everyone i admit i provoked it and i feel guilty about it but my question was should we both stay toghether after this. Obviously i mentioned we both have issues and i know i we were both in the wrong but name calling me isn't going to help my situation and right now i need advice not name calling.
2007-02-25 08:35:36 · update #1
It sounds like both of you could benefit from counseling. Hope everything works out for the best.
2007-02-25 07:35:44 · answer #1 · answered by marlie6211 2 · 6⤊ 1⤋
This happened to me and my present boyfriend. Although, he had actually been in the wrong before I punched him. Well, I punched him and he punched me back and I went crazy and started wailing on him, but he didn't hit me back after that. We have never had an instance of violence against each other since and that was almost a year and a half ago.
It can be a one time event, but no one should ever put their hands on anyone else. You provoked it. It was probably just a reflex for him to hit you back and he did it before he thought about it. When we are attacked we have the fight or flight response kick in, or first natural born instincts are to run away or fight.
You both sound as though you both REALLY need counseling. You have too many issues between the both of you. Your relationship sounds like a powder keg waiting to explode.
2007-02-25 16:26:45 · answer #2 · answered by that dead girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, that's a toughy! I know that no woman should ever accept being slapped and/or bused in anyway. But I know where you stand in knowing that you two love eachother. Even if you're just saying that for him, only the two of you know how your relationship is and what has happened in the past and how things are. I think that you being 20 and him being 23, you two are stereotypically in those ages when you're thinking about marriage (although you've only been together for a year, you may not be talking about it). Anyways, i think that you should follow through with finding a counselor that besides dealing with "couples" and abusive relationsips, i think that you shoudl definately find one that also can specialize in your individual "issues" as you put it. If you guys can find a way to not be just a perfect couple, but you can actually fingure out a way that you DEAL and UNDERSTAND eachothers dispositions and learn how to make compromises between the two of you.
If he's just saying that he'll go and it comes time to go to the appointment and he bails~you bail on the relationship. Because well, I don't think that you need this spelled out, but if he doesnt want to go then he's truly not ready to live a life that includes you, because he's still just insecure about himself and can't get over or thru that to make a better life for you and him together. BUT IF HE DOES IT AGAIN IN THE MEANTIME WHILE WAITING FOR THE APPOINMENT, THEN HE'S USING THE EXCUSE THAT HE'S DONE IT BEFORE AND YOU'RE STILL THERE WITH HIM SO IT DOESN'T MATTER IF HE DOES IT AGAIN. Just a word of advice, listen to yourself. In both instances when it comes to you and your heart, but also when you're trying to get hm to "talk when it's 5am and you know he has to get up in 2 hours!!!! You need to listen to yourself then and remind yourself that he works hard and that the reason why he doesn't wanna talk is the exact same reason that you gave in your question!!! OH BY THE WAY, you asked if you should stay? ~ I think that until you guys actually get to that appt., that you should consider staying with friends or family. That way you can be clear of all the unstableness and insecurities that are going to be looming while you're waiting. Although, that may bring him to spoil u with some presents, it'll also give him time to realize what he's risking and how lonely it'd be without having you around.....or to be truthful, if he needs to be alone in his life at this point in order to figure himself out and take his slaps to himslef!Good Luck and do what you feel is right for you~NOT FOR THE BOTH OF YOU AS A UNIT! I always tend to do that too!
2007-02-25 16:13:02 · answer #3 · answered by meamonkey648 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Perhaps a match...not made in Heaven but...
that other place.
There are many issues revealed about both of you in your question and I doubt you're going to get the help you need in this forum.
Sounds to me like you BOTH need anger management counseling.
Once the "hitting" and physical abuse starts, all the apologies in the world cannot make up for that and it only portends of more bad things to come.
2007-02-25 15:35:59 · answer #4 · answered by GeneL 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
OK, so you are basically a spoiled brat who can't take no for an answer (he had to go to bed so he could get up for work and you didn't accept that.) So after you hounded him, he called you a name and you slapped him, right? Hello McFly, why would it be OK for YOU to slap him but not for HIM to slap you?
Personally, I don't think it's right for ANYONE to slap another person. Maybe you should BOTH go to counseling. If I were him, I'd be ditching you faster than you can count to ten!
I don't think that you are happy together at all. I think you're codependent and you both need help.
2007-02-25 15:35:40 · answer #5 · answered by americanwoman22309 3 · 7⤊ 1⤋
Lets see.. you pestered him and kept him awake in the middle of the night because you wanted something right then and there.. then you hit him... and you think he needs counselling?
You hit him first.. you're lucky he didn't press charges against you! You had no right to do that. It sounds like you make a terrible couple and should look into individual counselling before trying to be with anyone at all!
2007-02-25 15:39:14 · answer #6 · answered by endorable 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
If you to really love each other and he still wants to be with you give him a second chance if hes willing to go the mile for you then stay with him and help him through both of your problems but if he continues to hit you or abuse you then you know that your not with the right guy
2007-02-25 15:35:12 · answer #7 · answered by glenn 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Can you tell us why you started your question with
"my boyfriend slapped me....?"
When the truth is you slapped your boyfriend.?
Your the one that needs counseling to think that your needs are some how paramount to anyone elses (his). People need sleep. People dont need to talk.
If he were smart he wouldn't be staying with you. Who the hell needs someone provoking them while not owning up to her own actions. Maybe if you stopped thinking just about yourself you wouldnt be so depressed. Let the guy go. Your not healthy. IF you wouldnt let me sleep at 5 am and I had to be up at 7......I'd have beat the crap out of you. Consider yourself lucky. You are your problem, not him. Get help.
2007-02-25 15:41:42 · answer #8 · answered by Whats Right/Wrong got to do w/.. 1 · 4⤊ 2⤋
You are too young to live with a boyfriend. He should not have slapped you, but you should not have slapped him either, so you are both wrong on that score. If you cared for the guy you would have left him alone when he said he wanted to sleep instead of nagging at him for attention.
Go home to live with your family and if you aren't going to school...sign up. Get yourself together before you get serious about someone else.
2007-02-25 15:40:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
Tell me....What makes you think it is ok to hit him and provoke a physical confrontation?? You admit that YOU started the fight and hit him first...next time , call the police and you can BOTH go to jail!!! Just exactly what were YOU thinking!!! I think that he should DUMP YOU!!!!! You sound like a real LOSER!!! Do you LIKE being slapped around or are you just stupid? You need to get some counselling and some psych meds!!! Hitting the person you (supposedly) love is never appropriate!! You are extremely immature to believe that you can start something like that and that it is OK for you hit him (especially when you know that he has anger issues). You BOTH need a LOT of help!! GROW UP!!!!! ....... BTW...I am a man, and I would Never Ever hit a woman...NOT EVER!!! I had a girlfriend like you once, and I got rid of her ASAP....YOU need to get some help now.
2007-02-25 15:29:23 · answer #10 · answered by Peachfish Whiskerbiscuit 4 · 5⤊ 4⤋