I have been with my boyfriend for going on 5 yrs, we are still really young, I 'am 19 he's 22. We have 2 kids together. One is 2 and the other is barley 3 wks. I love him very much. But he has really screwed up my trust towards him, by lying and cheating! He thinks that I have cheated and lied to him in the past too. Even though I haven't, which I don't think he'll ever believe me. My question is how do I put my trust back into him when he's done this lying and cheating stuff so many times? Should I just force myself to trust him? He says he did all that stuff cause he was young and we were going through alot of problems, and that he would never do it again. I think our relationship is suffering from being constantly with eachother cause we can't even trust eachother to go right downtown w/out the other person. Should I let him have his life back and do you think I will get mine back? What should be some circumstances of him and I being able to go out alone or with our own friends?
2007-02-25 06:57:48 · 22 answers · asked by iluvmje 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Also should he be able to go out to bars and clubs w/ his buddies and not me? Since I can't go out yet? Should I just let go and put the past behind me and see what happens?
2007-02-25 06:59:31 · update #1
First of all you need to confront him and ask him if he truely wants his single life back. If he does, as hard as as hurtful it may be, you need to break free from each other, maybe he will miss what he had and realise he wants his family back. On other hand if he does, tell him that he has really hurt you and he needs to put that trust back into your life. Its not easy, but if you really love him then you will learn to trust him - it will be a long and uneasy road. If he loves you, he will know youre hurt and he has to be patient with you - you need to be patient with him too if he is trying to mend things. Another option but is yours and only yours to decide, is to consider a break and let him see what life without you is like for a couple of weeks or maybe a month, but it would take a tough heart to do that considering you have trust issues, you dont want to worry your heart out wondering if he is with another woman (because to him, he would be in his rights to do so.) good luck, I myself have trust issues, my man hasnt cheated on me but ive had so many cheaters and lying boyfriends in the past that i find it hard to relax and trust in my relationship with him. he is patient with me, and believe me if youre strong you can get through it whether you stay together or not.
2007-02-25 07:05:54 · answer #1 · answered by Dawn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that you already are content on being hurt by this man. I
understand the power of love and all but is it really worth all the heartache and pain? Talk to him and at him and tell him how you feel. Let him know that you do love him but that sometimes you don't feel any love in return. The trust thing is going to be an issue because of the cheating in the past which you were willing to deal with when you took him back in gthe first place. If you truely believe that he is still being unfaithful then you want to just stand up and leave. It's not worth being treated wrong over and over again and the children will sense this and it could possibly have negatice effects on them as well.
2007-02-25 07:05:46 · answer #2 · answered by ltwatkins77 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well obviously he does not love you enough to fully commit to you, i.e. you two are not married even though you have children together. If the children were your idea, you cannot make someone love you and commit totally to you just by having a child. I can understand being young and having one accidental child, but not two. Did he want you to get pregnant and have the 2nd child? If so, you two both need to think of yourselves as a family unit and not as two seperate individuals trying to co-exist. If he did not plan the second child, he may be starting to feel trapped with children and responsibilities. You can never go wrong when adhering to Biblical morals and ethics. They protect us from so much harm. (My husband had all kinds of women throwing themselves at him when he was single and doing all kinds of things sexually hoping he would get married. When we started dating, I told him that if he wanted to have sex with me then he better put a wedding ring on my finger. Guess who he married?, NOT the women who tried to lure him with sex.)
My husband is alllowed to go out with his male friends anytime he wants. I have never checked up on him. I know where he is going and what time to expect him home and he always checks with me first to see if we have any family thing planned. The key to our happy and trustful marriage is RESPECT. We respect each other and trust each other to do the right thing. We also have an understanding that if we want to go screwing around (which we don't) that we will get a divorce first, then go act like we are single. However, since you are not married, your boyfriend theorhetically is still single and will always think like a single man.
If you want this relationship to work, let him go and tell him to come back home when he is ready to commit to being a married man and father.
2007-02-25 07:12:49 · answer #3 · answered by Orion777 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to re-trust only if you want to be re-hurt. Obviously he thinks that being young and having problems between you is a valid, justifiable reason to cheat. He's accusing you of cheating to take the focus off of his wrongdoing, and maybe because he doesn't trust himself. Unless you both get some couples counseling and you both put in the necessary effort (100%) to make things right between you, you are setting yourself up for more heartache and sitting on the edge of your seat. Trust is very difficult, almost impossible, to re-establish once it's been broken..
2007-02-25 07:58:45 · answer #4 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl, what are you doing with your life? I'm 19 too. You already have two kids?? You are in deep sh*t. You need to kick his butt to the curb. Most likely he is going to cheat on you again. and a relationship is nothing without trust. No offence, but I am going to say this because you really need help. How stupid can you be?? I mean honestly. I hope you can afford to take care of those two kids by yourself because you guys sound like you are going to break up real soon.
2007-02-25 07:04:38 · answer #5 · answered by xeno 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The trust is gone. You have 2 kids to think about - you don't need him. Get out NOW and get on with it.
Go see a lawyer or Child Protective Services to get child support started. He will probably be furious because he's used to having his way, so you might want to go to a safe place for a while - a shelter or your parents' home, etc.
Trust me - you will not regret getting out of this bad relationship.
2007-02-25 07:10:15 · answer #6 · answered by fredinski_1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is it that every woman that gets abused and disrespected by some immature jerk always give LOVE as the reason they suffered through his b/s? What about love for yourself? If you love yourself then realize that you are nobody's doormat. After 5 year of this madness, you should know by now that he is not the one for you. Is this the example of a man you want your kids to see as they grow up? Stand up for yourself, get up off your butt, and get rid of this abuser! Take some time off and focus on your children and then find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated!!! I wish you all the best.
2007-02-25 07:06:12 · answer #7 · answered by fenway2k 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is no trust then there is no real relationship. If this is repeated behavior by him, he isn't going to change and will resent you for going everywhere with him. Without trust, the relationship won't survive and it doesn't appear that he is very trustworthy. I believe you would be better off ending the relationship and thus ending the stress of constantly wondering who he is with and what he is doing.
2007-02-25 07:05:45 · answer #8 · answered by Country girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if he had done stuff to you in the past, and you feel that you can'y trust him then don't. becayse isn't the point of a realtionship to trust each other? if you can't trust eachother thatn whats the point of being in a relationship? you are just going to end up getting hurt. Let go
2007-02-25 07:03:32 · answer #9 · answered by &thalia.belle; 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's cheated and apparently doesn't love you as much as you love him. the only reason that r keeping you two together might be the kids, but if that is the reason you should break, if hes not going to change, ask your self this, do i really want to be with a guy that doesn't want to be with me? good luck
2007-02-25 07:04:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋