2 daughters aged 10 + 7 constantly squabbling, help?

Question

They like different things and squabble all the time over who does what, i'm sick of coming between them. How can i try to get them to respect each other, play with each other sometimes but also give each other space without world war III breaking out

Answer 1

What you do is record all there squabbling.The next Day play it out with your husband,sister,brother or friend.They will then see how bad there actions are.

Answer 2

I have a 10 and 7 year old too! they used to squabble all the time and then drag their brother (4yrs old) into it. I took action and it worked.
1. if they fought i would take away a privilege from them both e.g game boy or T.V and make them do a chore instead.
2.I try to keep them apart as much as possible. If one has a play-date at the house I would find a play date elsewhere for the other.
3.When they are in the house together I try to sit down and do something with both of them...we play silly games like hang-man or we bake.
4. We have a knock rule. Nobody is allowed in anybodies bedroom without knocking and being invited in. If they barge into the other ones room and they start fighting rule number 1 comes into force.
5. If one of them has a problem with the other e.g walking into the bedroom without being invited or someone takes a toy off the other one, they have to come to me and I sort it by giving an instant privilege ban.

this really does work. The t.v wasn't on for the first week but they have slowly changed and become good friends. I really think the key is to keep them apart as much as you can and then when they are together encourage them to do fun stuff together. Also remember that your 10 yr old is probably just starting puberty and is bound to be a little more touchy and easily wound up.
Good luck! xx

Answer 3

First of all stop coming between them. My best friend was having the exact same problem with her kids and finely started taking them to counseling. She learned in counseling that the main reason her kids faught was to get her involved. I know this sounds funny but it is true. As long as they are not killing each other, or hurting each other really bad, just let them go. If they harm one another, use the naughty corner, room what ever.

Most of the time kids like to pull parents into this to get the parent on their side so they will have two against one. If you are trying to say do something like go out to eat. You want them to have a choice in the matter, put the everyones choice in a hat and then you take the paper out and that is where you are going, and then next time it will be the other girls place. Keep the choices check the one that went last time so they can't throw it back at you. But if they are fighting over cloths brushes who is in the bathroom first or last, then just let them go for a bit. Tell them you are not getting into it at all. When they hurt one another just put them in time out and when it is time to come out let them know that even when they disagree they are to treat each other with respect.

Answer 4

Issue a warning when they are squabbling. Make it clear to both of them that if they continue, there will be a consequence for their actions. If they continue to be silly, then try the following...

If they are squabbling near to you, pack up whatever it is they are squabbling over and send them to their rooms for five minutes to think about it (or just send them if they are squabbling over nothing).

Keep doing it until they get the idea that petty squabbling gets them sin binned. You can't really do 'naughty step' treatment for these two.

They will soon start to realise that they had better start to behave.

Remember. ONE CLEAR WARNING. ONE CLEAR ACTION. DONT change it, you will lose the initiative and it will be a joke to them

Also, try to do 'team building' activities where they have to help each other to succeed. This might help them to realise that they are sisters and this entails NOT being any sort of enemy to each other.

Answer 5

Their squabbling is teaching them valuable lessons - how to deal with others - what it's like not to get your own way all the time - etc.

Unless one is getting her own way all the time and bullying the other, keep out of it.

Put them in a situation where they need to rely on each other.

Praise cooperation.

Answer 6

a lot of people are saying that its not possible to stop it and this is true but only to an extent. you cant stop them from squabbling altogether but you can stop them from doing it all the time. usually, one sibling is trying to get attention and/or enjoys arguing while the other just gets annoyed and reacts. so determine who the initiator of the arguments are and make the effort to give them positive attention, as they feel they are not getting enough. tell the child who reacts to try and ignore their sister as best as they can and you do the same when they are arguing. one of them, if not both of them will come to you at some point to gain your attention and prove that they are in the right. when this happens, simply tell them that if they aren't going to sort it out nicely between themselves then you are going to ignore them. MAKE SURE YOU FOLLOW THIS THROUGH... this will help you gain their respect and make them more likely to listen to you next time.

step in ONLY IF

a) it becomes violent or very aggressive to the point that you think it will become violent
b) bad language is used
c) very hurtful language is used

these three things are unacceptable. firstly make sure no one has been hurt and take care of them. then send them both to seperate rooms to calm down. tell them that you will call them when you are ready to talk to them and you dont want to hear a peep till then. this will you give a bit of piece and quiet for a bit.

DONT GET ANGRY
DONT HAVE A GO AT THEM
DONT BACK DOWN
DO BE FIRM
DO STAY CALM

by staying calm and keeping them waiting, they will worry about what you will do when you call them. when you call them tell them that their behaviour was unacceptable and you are very disappointed in them. then say that you don't expect that kind of thing from two young ladies. say if they like different things they can take turns and flip a coin to see who goes first (or something like that). say you would appreciate if they could make the effort to get along. then encourage them to apologise to each other by saying something like "now don't you have something to say to your sister?". dont directly say to apologise or it will be totally forced and therefore mean nothing. if they behave well after this reward them by getting them ice cream or something like that so that they feel proud of themselves for behaving well.

REMEMBER: always tell them that you expect them to behave better and how proud they make you when they behave well. this will make them feel good about themselves for not arguing.

hope i was of some help to you :)

Answer 7

Indy 500 is pretty near spot on with that reply, and eventually they do grow out of it. But that,s only the beginning. 30 years or so down the road it all starts again with grandchildren, mind you it's not quite as bad cos when you've had enough you can just send them home.On a serious note there are lots of childless couples would love the chance to put up with it so hang on in there and keep smiling.

Answer 8

Hi!

Sorry, but it's gonna be like this until they leave home, I'm afraid.

Me and hubby are counting the days, and we have THREE to contend with!

At the moment the eldest two are out most of the time, but the youngest is still too young to go out for too long on his own, so when it just us three it's BRILL! But as soon as one of the 'others' comes in, all Hell breaks loose!!

I think we've just gotta ride this wave, haven't we?!!

Best of luck!!

Answer 9

i understand where you are comming from ive got 2 daughters and they are for ever fighting! i give them time out eg one is 7 so she gets 7 mins at the bottom of the stair if that doesnt work then each time thy move from the stair put them up a step each time they give yoy back chat ect and if they keep it up they get to the top of the stair and when they get there they no that its into there beds x

Answer 10

all siblings fight and argue no matter if there boy, girl, once they start getting older they will learn to respect each other but as far as trying to stop them know they will always squabble

Answer 11

DEAR
IF WAR WORLD 3 BREAKS OUT THEN IT IS TIME FOR SOME REALLY STRICT DISCIPLINE I MEAN STRICT NO BACKING DOWN ON THIS OK. PLEASE READ TO GIVE YOU PEACE OF MINE I HATE TO SEE YOU GO THROUGH THIS WITH YOUR CHILDREN AND DO NOT SAY YOU ARE A REALLY BAD MOTHER ETHER OK YOU ARE NOT . (1) PUT (2) CHAIRS FACE TO FACE MAKE THEM SIT IN THEM LOOK AT EACH OTHER FOR ABOUT (1) HOUR AND DO NOT TAKE.(2) PUT THEM ON THERE KNEES NOSE TO THE WALL (3) IF THE GET TALK BACK GET SMART WITH YOU WASH THERE MOUTHS OUT WITH SOAP (4) PUT THEM IN YOUR ROOM ONE ON ONE SIDE OF YOUR BED AND ONE ON THE OTHER PUT THERE FAVORITE TOY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR MAKE THEM LOOK AT IT AND NOT TOUCH IT AT ALL (5) IF THEY GET REALLY SMART WITH YOU AGAIN THEN SPANK EACH AND REPEAT EACH TIME YOU DO IT HARD AND HARDER THEN THERE LITTLE BRAIN SAYS WAIT A MINUTE THIS IS HURTING ME STOP IT STOP IT LIKE THE IMITREX AD WHERE THE LITTLE BUG HITS THE LADY IN THE HEAD WITH THE HAMMER. THIS WILL HELP TRUST ME AND ALSO TAKE AWAY PHONES FRIENDS DVD MOVIES VHS MOVIES COMPUTER VIDEO GAMES SLEEP OVERS HANGING WITH FRIENDS ON THE WEEK ENDS CHATTING ON LINE NO GAMES ANY KIND NO TV OK. AND ANY THING ELSE YOU CAN THING OF.