how can i maintain a relashionship with a girl i love when i have borderline personaliity disorder?

Question

i get frightened i wont be able to have a relashionship with this girl i love in canada, that ive known for two years, on the net, ive managed to build up a loving relashionship with her so far, and feel commited to her. shes said the same. but im terrified i wont be able to maintain the relashionship with her, or wont no how to have a relashionship with her. and she'll end up lleaving me. i dont think i could bare this. sometimes i worry i wont be capable of having a relashionship with her, with all the things i cope with , like paranoid thoughts, very low self esteem, insecurities, fear of abandonment, attachment, possessivness, clingyness, neediness, mood bouts, emptiness,despair. i worry i wont be able to overcome these problems so i can form a successful relashionship. i so desperatly want this relashionship to work and want to keep hold of her...can i overcome these disabilities and do this? because i hear borderline personality disorder is difficult to treat. and it worries me..

i was hoping for maybe more compassion from people :(

Answer 1

Being a borderline personality sufferer myself, I can tell you it's not going to be easy. Our inability to have stable relationships is a huge part of our illness. You have to keep reminding yourself that the feelings you might have from time to time about the relationship are not normal. It's gonna take a lot of work on your part to make it work. I know I have so many troubles with relationships, always worried about getting hurt, not being important enough...etc. It really is hard. I keep pushing the people I love farther away so I won't hurt them and they won't hurt me, but when I do let someone in, I get all needy and klingy which ends up making the other person break up with me cause they can't handle it. But that's not to say that you can't make it work with her, cause it is possible. And it sounds like you really do want to. Just be honest with her. Tell her you are suffering from this. Teach her about it so she'll know when you are letting the borderline control you so she can help you through it. And try to recognize the signs yourself. And always remember not to smother her. Just because she can't be with you at all times does not mean that she doesn't love you or is thinking of leaving you or anything. You can make this work. You just need to understand what this illness is and try to take control of it before you can succeed at doing this. Good luck.

Answer 2

People don't get the loneliness of men with personality disorders. I have relatives like that so I know what you're feeling.

What I am about to say may seem harsh or that I am being insensitive - but I assure you its not intended as such. Does this girl know about your problem? If not, make sure she does and BE HONEST about what triggers rage. You might lose her - BUT -its better to lose her now than to get her there with you, scare the hell out of her and have her leave you after you establish a physical connection.

If you love her - you'll take the chance. In the mean time you need to see a therapist that will help you deal with any matters that cause you rage - or self injury.

The last question I ask is very important. Are you possessive and overtly jealous? As in if you went into a jealous fit, would you hurt her? If so - you must not have a relationship with her for her own safety and your well being because you can end up in jail or prison.

I don't know how severe your disorder is - you just leave me with guess work here. If you love her - PUT HER first, Her wellbeing, her safety.

Answer 3

Actually, most of the answers on here ARE compassionate, the fact that you don't see that is part of your disorder.

There is a therapy called DBT or dialectical behavioral therapy. It's a nuts and bolts college type class, where you learn skills like self soothing and all that, stuff that you didn't learn as a kid, and that's why you have the borderline stuff. You learned maladaptive coping skills instead (at the time, they helped, but now these coping methods are hurting you). I took sort of a mini version of this to help cope with my bipolar mood swings, and it was pretty helpful and concrete advice. the course is a big commitment, over a year, but it should really decrease your suffering. Otherwise, you will suffer all your life. So it's worth the effort!

Good luck! you can do this!

Answer 4

Borderline Personality Disorder IS treatable. You need Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. This looks at the present problems, and helps you see things in a different light and think about things in a different way. Some antidepressants help too.
I too have BPD but I have had the most wonderful relationship ever with a woman I fell completely in love with, and she with me. She understood my foibles!! it only ended when she died. It IS possible to have a good relationship, so don't give up hope, and have more faith in yourself.
Your therapist should make sure you do not feel abandoned and possessive. She/he should be able to help you with most of your symptoms as they are the common ones in this disorder.
I am not saying a good relationship will be easy, no relationship is that easy, it has to be worked on.
Don't be afraid, and seek help if you need it.
Good luck.

Answer 5

Be forthright about the problem if you have been truly diagnosed with BLPD and go together for help...doctor, group or otherwise; if she is still willing/interested in maintaining a relationship. Together you can work too establish what treatment is best for you solely and as a couple. Sometimes triggers can be discovered before a problem can escalate too where you feel out of control, and someone else too possibly shield some of key elements that push you over the edge.

Answer 6

i'm a borderline as nicely, and such as you have had various sexual relationships, yet in no way an rather dating. i'm 24 recommendations you, and that i wish to paintings those kinks interior the years yet to return. The difficult element for me is holding administration. i won't be in a position to help yet get obsessed, and whilst issues do no longer paintings out, nicely, you be attentive to how that is going. i've got relatively given up on relationship on the instant for those reasons. i could desire to stabilize myself formerly i'm able to anticipate to have interaction right into a significant dating. In my present day state there is basically no way that could take place 'reason i could destroy it as I do. with a bit of luck your wait will in no way be too long, and as quickly as you're in, i wish that scientific care is all you theory it may be. good success!

Answer 7

Step 1: You're headed for a fall. You've made this girl (whom you've never met) a significant part of your emotional support system, if not your sole anchor. If she fades, you fall. Bad bad bad move. Relationships are about giving from sufficiency, not taking from need.

Step 2: If you have BPD, see a DOCTOR. Get treatment and stay in it.

Answer 8

Get into permanent counseling and take the medicine prescribed by your psychiatrist. Be committed to yourself. You're the most important person here and if you can't love yourself, you won't be able to love her either.

Answer 9

if receiving treatment you will do as well as anyone else,have faith in yourself,relax do your best ,things may infact improve a great deal having someone to share your life with,don't blame all mistakes or failures on this,just say i will not let this overtake my life
goodluck

Answer 10

Be honest, to her, about everything that is going on, with you, and why. Keep on taking the medicine and other things that you have to take.